Reviews for A Perfect Mistake
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 12/17/2007
I like how you put the contrasts within the same line that was really great
Bluerain56 chapter 1 . 7/5/2007
Wow, I really loved this poem, it shows amazing conflicting feelings that get you to really feel it, which to me makes a good poem. Great work!
sourgummyworms2007 chapter 1 . 6/11/2007
and reviews is what u should get. this is a good poem. i can see it being turned into a song.
Leaving Here chapter 1 . 6/10/2007
not crappy at all.

i love how each line, has an oposite. u kno?

great work.


ps. thanks for the review.
BrokenHeartedAngel chapter 1 . 4/21/2007
nononoits good! i like how it could be like 2 sides of a person... like they act like a popular cheerleader but they act like a emo in their own mind... yea kinda bad example...but you get what i mean!

Cloak-of-Shadows chapter 1 . 3/19/2007
My my my, the contradictions! The rhyming! Very creative setup- ignore that. Very creative poem. However, if I were to be nick-picky, I have to wonder how air and beetles are related hehe.
NIC MIRUSAKI chapter 1 . 3/12/2007
yo thanks for the review hehe likemy works? i just checked yours it's my policy to review others works if they reviewed mine i feel like its apprpriate i like this poem its nice but ya could have used better words for it to rhyme oh well it's nice all in all glad ya reviewed and i'm glad to meet ya too
Tikklz chapter 1 . 3/12/2007
This definitely has promise. My favorite line was "Drank in a goblet, ate upon bricks." That's awesome. There are some lines where if you used one or two less words, it would be more concise and less cluttered. Ex: The line "Stood with such pride, later on fell." COULD be "stood with pride, later fell." Feels simpler that way. But that's just a suggestion. I like it. I was going to review something of yours that hadn't been yet, but everything has been! So I just picked the most recent.
smile for the sunshine chapter 1 . 3/9/2007
This poem is beautiful! I love it!
Counting Petals chapter 1 . 3/8/2007
Crappy? Yeah right. Loved the rhyme scheme and the idea. :D
S. Ben Beach chapter 1 . 2/23/2007
Drowned with compassion, burned with deep hate,

A golden future, yet none in her fate.

those lines were really good. The rest of the poem is solid, but some parts linger around in generic cliche... It's hard to get out of it at times, but maybe coming up with a brand new metaphor (or something like that...) to replace some of the lines would make it much, much better. :)
Kenshinswife chapter 1 . 2/12/2007
One of my favorites! I remember when you read me this from your planner and bricks was actualy *beep*, lol. I love the opposites and contrast theme, it was very beautiful. Shows how life goes, one minute you're up at the top and it feels like nothing can stop you, and then the next minute you're laying in the street and wondering where it all went wrong. I especially love the ending line, "A golden future, yet none in her fate." So sad! I love it, of course. Keep on writing, Foo!
bytchinbeauty chapter 1 . 2/10/2007
i love the poem. great contrasts.
sunscraped chapter 1 . 2/6/2007
Your verbs in the beginning were not opposites as themed in the poem. However, the rest flowed pretty smoothly, I refuse to comment on your meter and foot, and the ending was a little confusing, considering I consider your future determined by your fate and thus that line contradicts itself.
free-to-dream15 chapter 1 . 2/6/2007
I think its really really really good! Definitely one of your best
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