Reviews for Undead
B.S. Ha chapter 1 . 2/4/2007
This is pretty good; I like the idea.

But I would say not to have so many lines. For example:

"Far from

That meadow

At the edge

of the sea"

could be

"Far from that meadow

At the edge of the sea"

I particularly liked "Breathe with us, We are the stars." But I didn't like the last part of it- seemed random. Wolf, knife, ravens, poetry, etc.

Is this a song? Because the repeated lines seem like a chorus. If not, then I would dis-encourage repeating. It was good at the beginning, but then it wasn't. I dunno what happened there.