|Reviews for Undead|
| B.S. Ha chapter 1 . 2/4/2007
This is pretty good; I like the idea.
But I would say not to have so many lines. For example:
At the edge
of the sea"
"Far from that meadow
At the edge of the sea"
I particularly liked "Breathe with us, We are the stars." But I didn't like the last part of it- seemed random. Wolf, knife, ravens, poetry, etc.
Is this a song? Because the repeated lines seem like a chorus. If not, then I would dis-encourage repeating. It was good at the beginning, but then it wasn't. I dunno what happened there.