|Reviews for Fragment Pieces of Life's Sonnet|
| jekodama chapter 2 . 3/16/2008
I couldn't help but cry at this paragraph: "'Why was it the ones you loved the most were taken away from you..?.' At least in his life this had always been the case. God must have been pleased with himself. Pleased with tragedy, destruction, famine, and war. With grief especially. Hell, he'd lost a son, so why shouldn't society, his creation, feel the same sentiments of loss." It's so full of despair and hopelessness, and it reminded me of painful moments. Description is flawless, it conveys all the necessary details, but it's not overelaborated.
| Anaare chapter 6 . 2/16/2008
My apologies in taking so long to review. It's been a busy period and I have to admit, I somewhat forgot. Again, apologies.
Well, on to the story! It thought it was very aptly titled. Many of the characters, and especially Chou's, foundations have become quaky in this chapter.
The scene with Anthon was a humorous insertion into the story, well placed at that.
All in all, the characters came off quite convincing and genuine. Well written, as always. Best of luck.
| queenB mackenzie chapter 6 . 1/12/2008
a fragment of the stars, yep, I changed my penname for some reason unbeknownst to me. Anyways, you know I've been avoiding, well per say neglecting it because of school - darn you school and your schmancy textbooks (actually, the textbooks are crap). And then, I started to review the sixth chapter but then my review just came out all wrong so then I just clicked the 'x' button like the quitter I am.
But anyhoo, time for reviewing.
[The only noise to be heard within the waiting room was the small, gay chit chat of two nurses and the incoherent chattering of the television.] I like how you start off this chapter, the way it just jumps into the scene and you can actually picture of Chyou sitting in the waiting room.
[The show on sounded like Friends, or at least something that had the woman who played as Monica in it,] I've never watched Friends ... but I will say that it was kinda hard NOT to miss it because almost every channel playing reruns.
[The last time she'd been in a hospital was ... during a time she didn't want to remember, and never again since then. She hated hospitals and would rather stray from ever stepping in or seeing one again. They reminded her of places and things she seriously didn't want to think about.
"Not facing your past and memories isn't going to help, Chyou," sounded Philipse's voice and words in her head, as though it was actually said near her ear.] Chyou not wanting to remembering being in a hospital must have something to do with the big hush-hush incident with her father or maybe Marcus.
To me, I kinda like hospitals I guess because they represent life and death to me and the thread between saving a life / bringing a life into this world. But somehow, it's also bad in a way that they can do both - that they can play God and the Grim Reaper. People's lives are in their hands.
["They got into a car accident," voluntarily answered Erin, glancing at Chyou for a moment. "From what the nurse told us, it was a three car collision. They weren't the only ones hurt ..."] Is Qwuan involved in this accident?
[Watching him lean forward to talk to the young woman behind the plastic screen, her eyes turned back on her mother when she heard in a soft self-reassuring tone, "Nathan's a doctor; he'll find out what's going on."
'Nathan was a doctor'] How come the guys the characters date on FP all have these high paying jobs? Seriously, why can't I get a plumber or a pizza delivery boy dammit? No but all things aside, Nathan does fit the job of a doctor.
[Her own father had been an architect, which in her mind carried no real difference to the job of a doctor.] Uh-oh, Chyou is doing that whole, "compare-that-guy-to-my-father" routine.
[In a sense, he resembled her father. Only Nathan was a little more dark-skinned and had less hair.
'Perhaps ...' she considered to herself, 'that was why Jackie was attracted to him?'] Maybe that was why Jackie was attracted to him, because she reminded him of her late husband. Sometimes that happens.
[Leaning back on the bed with his eyes closed, his shirt off, right arm in a soft cast and a large patch on his left side, he appeared to be asleep and comfortable but obviously wasn't. His slight frown when he moved it and again reminded her a similar situation.] Once again, that must be pertaining to something that happened to her earlier in her life, maybe tying to Marcus or her father ... or maybe she just fell out of a tree and broke her arm.
["Good ..." There was a short pause between his words that told he was going to ask the one question they didn't have the answer to. "How's my mom?"] I hate when something like that happens, when it's just awkward silence and then someone breaks it with that one thing that makes the mood even more awkward. And then you're just like, "Dammit."
["What are you doing?" Chyou dully questioned when she saw Anthon reach for the shirt at the end of his bed, slowly put it on, and move towards the rail release.
Suddenly taking notice of Anthon's movements as well, Jackie echoed, "What are you doing? Trying to rip your stitches?"] Instead, I think that it should be Trying to rip open your stitches. Just sounds more ... fitting. Jackie's commentary was so not needed, she was all just dramatic. But it's soo sad that I'm just like Jackie ... well drama wise. D:
["I'm going up with you," he firmly replied as though that answered his actions, but only made her mother shake her head.
"No you're not! You're keeping your black ass right in that bed until they say you can go home."
Stoically, he glanced at her mother, then continued to reach for the bed release.
"Anthon quit being ... stubborn."] LOL at his whole scene, it's like reprimanding a young kid, younger than me who you tell can't have any candy until they finish they're brocoli and they will sit there, pushing around the brocoli, trying to feed it to the dogs until you finally cave in and go, "Alright, alright."
[Oddly, a silence passed between Anthon and Chyou the moment she left.] Ooh, I hate awkward silences but it would be just random if a clown passed through on a unicycle or something.
[It wasn't usual for them to have an awkward silence between the two of them, but they both didn't have anything in particular to say. 'Besides, what did people say when a person they knew was in pain? What were the correct words?] Well, that can happen with two people in a situation like that. Chyou and Anthon may get along, but situations like this can affect even the closest friends. In retrospect, it can always bring some closer. To me, there are no correct words because we really can't do anything when a person is in pain but try to comfort them.
[Frustratingly the machine swallowed both the dollar she put into it first and then the change.]My opinion: Frustratingly, the machine swallowed both the dollar and change whole without coughing up the Cinammon buns. I hate machines like this, because they never gave me my darn Snickers bar and I was oh-so PMSing that day X.
[It was one of the most peaceful moments she'd had all day and it helped to calm her nerves and make her almost forget she was in a hospital. That is, until someone else walked into her snack area.] Is it Qwuan? Or Marcus, because I keep on thinking that Marcus is dead but it could be him.
You don't have to apologize, at least you're updating instead of letting this story rotting for five years or more. :D That's a good thing. Onto the next chapter! Wo!
~ I reached for yours hands, a fragment of the stars (I'm going through phases here until I find the right penname)
| midnightbeauty chapter 7 . 1/10/2008
Aww jeez, someone's procrastinating. Though I can definitely understand, sometimes it's easier to ignore things you don't like and put them off but a lot of the time you regret it in the end. When my grandpa was dying I kept putting off visits to him, because I didn't want to see him in that state. I finally went and he ended up dying that day. I still regret not spending every moment I could with him. I hope Qwuan doesn't end up like this... So I finally see a connection from his character to Chyou! (Anthon) Anywho, definitely update soon... this story is good. Sad though _
| midnightbeauty chapter 3 . 1/10/2008
Hmm so I'm guessing Qwuan's relationship with his uncle isn't so great? So (unless I misunderstood) Qwuan's aunt and uncle raised him? Did Qwuan's parents die? I'd definitely like to get to know the characters better but I am liking it so far.
| midnightbeauty chapter 2 . 1/10/2008
Wow! This is a good prequel. It definitely raises some questions and captures my interest. How old is Qwuan in this? And on that... how is that name pronounced? I hate reading a story and the entire time not knowing a name's pronunciation because I'll keep using a different name each time I read it :P And you say he lost a son? Hmm... where's the wife? I liked the style of writing. Also, congrats on being one of the very few writers on this that I didn't find any mistakes! Okay, I'm done babbling (for now).
| criti-sized chapter 6 . 12/10/2007
Ha! This chapter has an interesting beginning. With Chyou's dislike of hospitals and Qwuan's want to avoid them, they'll both be alright.
"How was a person that just found out their family was in an accident supposed to feel?’" This sentence sound sort of awkward to me at first then I realized that it was missing a 'had' before 'just'.
"Not detached and unworried, she was positive of." True, true, but she feels that way regardless.
"“Well, are they okay?”" Lol, something about how Jackie only worried about Anthon and Annette is funny, but also realistic. Though she could ask about the other families, it wouldn't be as though she actually cared.
" ‘Hadn’t she heard Erin just say they’d talked to a nurse?’" She's such a smart ass.
"‘Nathan was a doctor?’" I guess I wasn't the only one surprised.
I can't help but like Nathan. Yeah, he's this odd character that came out of the shadows and into Chyou's life with Jackie- Not that they ahd much of a life, but it's not as though he's trying to insert himself on Chyou as an authorative figure... I highly doubt there's any catchs, but let's hope not.
Lol, anybody would know that Jackie questioning Anthon on how he felt is like a trick question, but it can't be helped. I ask people that are choking if they're okay and expect them to answer me... Th irony of life, lol.
"“I’m going up with you,” he firmly replied as though that answered his actions, but only made her mother shake her head." Oh boy, it always takes a guy to be a stubborn fool.
"Slow and silent, his brown eyes moved on her. Anthon didn’t have to say what was on his mind for her to know what he was communicating; he was going upstairs with or without the doctor’s permission." Of course he is. Isn't that what they all do? Only Anthon doesn't come off as the type of guy to cry about the extra pain he caused himself afterwards... He's too macho.
Pop tarts for breakfast. Hm, sounds familiar, doesn't it?
Well, this was a great chapter. The emotions in it were displayed just right and the sense that you gave of Chyou was evident.
| M.D.Irvine chapter 7 . 11/30/2007
That was a creepy memory (in his dream) about him and Jud. He wasn't paying attention at first until he saw that she was really scared. I wonder what happened. The sharp pains in her stomach, the blood sliding down from between her legs... I have guesses but I'll wait to see whether I'm right. Some dreams feel real, and sometimes I heed them. Some ppl may call it superstitious but I don't brush off dreams.
ah I see a link Anthon (Chyou's Anthon was in the same band with Christopher and Qwuan)
Katherine? it's been a while since I've read so I've forgotten who she was and why she is obviously not liked.
I hope Qwuan goes to see his grandmother soon. :)
| M.D.Irvine chapter 6 . 11/30/2007
Hey! sorry ive been crazy busy later and have finally gotten around to reading and reviewing both you and Dorian's fics. I just noticed that our characters seem to have an aversion for hospitals ;)
An accident? that wasn't in the old version or was it? it might have been though i don't remember the hospital scene.
Jackie's a bit hysterical. It really comes across especially beside Chyou's detached manner.
Nathan was a doctor and shared a resemblance to her dad hm I really like how your rewrite is coming along. Learning more about the characters and the people in their lives through tiny details that make a big picture (ok that sounds cliche but it's the first thing that came to my mind at 2:23am so forgive me)
hmm who are he honey dew blonde head and tall doctor like guy that were missing? (Jackie and Nathan?)
A cliffhanger meanie (grins)
congrats on another chapter.
hope you had a great thanksgiving. I turned 21 over the break :)
| Sir Scott chapter 7 . 11/24/2007
Every guy knows what it means to have blue balls and it's not a joyful experience.
The only mistake I saw was this: You should go see your grandmother soon, you what I mean?”
You left out the word know. It's good to see that you updated. Christopher has a pretty realistic voice.
| Sir Scott chapter 6 . 11/24/2007
I hate coffee from vending machines. Once a machine ate my brother's money, so he left a note on machine and his address (maybe not a smart thing to do) and month later the company mailed him a twenty dollar check with a note of apology. It's nice to see that you updated this story. Jackie seems cold hearted and a gold digger. I was wondered why is the male characters always have white collar jobs in romances like Nathan the doctor. You just don't see too many plumbers or construction workers in romances.
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 7 . 11/22/2007
Ok, I'll be doing the review for the two chapters... anyway, on the previous chapter, I'd never expected Nathan to be a doctor, but anyway, it seems that we may see death again in this story from what I've seen there concerning Annette going to have an operation. But then again, that maybe me... anyway, I really wonder what kind of development will come out of the entire accident chapter... as for the current chapter, all I can say as first impression are two things: Christopher really swears a lot and it seems you don't really like The Jonas Brothers lol! XD Anyway, it seems that something is really holding Qwuan back in visiting his grandmother although I don't know if it's due to circumstances or emotions. This area in itself can be interesting as in I wonder if you will try to expand it within this story. Anyway, the whole issue on Qwuan's flashback dream in the beginning seems rather interesting as well especially when I can vaguely imagine how this will tie into the story... anyway, glad to see that you've updated. And yeah, Circles of Arven has been updated as well for quite some time. Hope to see your review for it soon! Bye! :)
| queenB mackenzie chapter 1 . 10/10/2007
- Selfish, Tainted -
Well ... I couldn't put this off any longer. I read this story and NEVER reviewed, which was accidental because your story is quite unique. More than I can say for some of those High school stories . Blergh! Well, not ALL the High school stories. Anyways ...
[Why was it the ones you loved the most were taken from you ...?] Hmm, that's a good question but sadly I never got the answer.
[All the houses looked the same. Egg-shell colored walls with that extra splash of brown, black or blue trimming and happy clean cut yards of green.] Whoa. If you've ever watched Desperate Housewives, then this just screams out 'Wisteria Lane' or that movie The Stepford Wives. Although I stopped watching Desperate Housewives after a while, it became kinda ridiculous. Ahem, back to the topic ...
[He hated this area years ago and still hated it now] I would too if I lived there. I'd live in something Frank Gehry designed. My mom always tells me, "that if we were all the same then the world would be a very dull place to live."
[Maybe tired of playing, the cat smacked at Vivienne's hand, then took off running past his legs and up the hall towards the kitchen.
"Stupid ca-" Vivienne began, looking in direction of the retreated animal, but paused when her moss greens spotted him in the doorway.] Hehe, gotta love those cats.
[For a long moment, he indecisively kept his hands at his side. He didn't know whether he should hug her back or not, even though he felt it was the possible right thing to do.] It happens to the most of us, when it feels like the right thing to do but somehow we just don't. Like when you have the words on the tip of your tongue, but they don't come out.
[She hadn't thought of Marcus ever since first discussing him with Doctor Phillipse nearly two years ago. He'd become a leaf on the branch of her memories lingering and hanging, but never intermingling with her happy and sad ones, or becoming apart of her present. She liked it that way, and wouldn't allow the thoughts of her cousin's molestation to dictate, rule, or govern her life - not anymore.] Wow ... Chyou sounds as if she's become strong, the exact opposite of my character-in-progress (I haven't posted anything yet). At one point, you could tell that she was weak in pretense but now she seems to have overcome the obstacle that stood in her way, which would be her cousin Marcus.
[Perhaps that was why she loved the rain] I love the rain, so I don't really carry an umbrella with me when it rains unless it's pouring like crazy then I'm not stupid enough NOT carry an umbrella with me. I can't afford to get sick D: .
[ Her gaze turned in time to see Jackie smile her million-dollar smile that could be on tooth paste commericials, a bit nervously. "You're back early."] Dun. Dun. dun! Busted!
["I'm Nathan," he said in a warm even tone upon facing her again.] I doubt Chyou cared about who he was. Actually, I wouldn't care either - as long as he ain't no Rapist. Crazy Insane Killer who no one would suspect. Y'know, the usual. :D (Flash a smile, that's it no one will suspect anything ... MWHAHA! -Coughcoughcough-) Excuse me xDD
["You know ..." Chyou began, already knowing what her mother would have said. "To be honest, for as long as you've dated Nathan, not once did you ever inform me of your relationship."
Glancing up at the intricate carvings on the kitchen ceiling, she took a moment to think before returning her gaze back on her mother saying, "In fact, you know the part out of all this so hilariously disappointing to me? I had to find out by accident, and you automatically expected to be peachy happy about meeting him."
With her words she stood up, "Tell me, Jackie, would you have said anything about you and Nathan? And if so, when?"] I loved how Chyou became dominant of the situation. With skills like that, she could be a successful lawyer.
[Cedric Tomms. 1960 - 19, Beloved Husband and Father.] Well, now we need to figure out what happened to them. Well, we kinda got the clue that it was a car accident - and he saved her cousin and that the accident took his life. But still, it leaves us wondering about the events that led up to it although it should be clear.
I like Erin; it doesn't seem like she would cross a friend or anything ... but ya never know. It's the person we least suspect who can be the downfall of someone. Oh no! :/ I'm so stupid! DD;
Anyhoo... I cannot await your update, i'd like to read more about our main characters. I'm envious of your writing skills! Gah! I'm going to abduct you and steal your skills. Mwhahaha! I should really stop before I get a restraining order from someone one of these days :/ .
- Tainted Selfish - Just hot her bedroom door broken down by her mother who is holding a list of undone chores. Sigh.
| EnigmaticArsenic chapter 5 . 9/15/2007
You know, I've decided I can't die until I'm first able to pay for my own funeral. That way, I can disinvite everyone ahead of time. I'll have my tombstone premade too, so that it will only read my name and the dates of my life, and absolutely nothing else. And while I'm at it, I'd take out a court order to bar anyone from publishing any sort of eulogy in the obits pages, and have it labeled as libel.
I remember most of these events so far, but I can't remember who Anthon Tomms is. Her cousin, right?
| EnigmaticArsenic chapter 3 . 9/10/2007
Hey! Lol, sorry it's taken me like... forever? to get back to reviewing. I don't even know what excuse to go with, forgetfullness and drowning in fast food meals. X I thank BDN for reminding me about this story.
Actually, I don't even have enough time to write anything worthwhile right now (ha ha, running late on caffeine and two hours sleep. woo), so I'll save all that for later (hopefully tonight). For now, just wanted to say hi, still here, keep writing, and hope you've been doing well.