|Reviews for Happy|
| Merry Christmas chapter 1 . 12/18/2012
Here's your Secret Santa review from yours truly. :)
I love the beginning of this; that pause after the first line is really well timed and puts a heavy weight of emotion into the entire stanza. I feel though that "should've" is a little too hard a sound for the start of that third line. Having a quieter meter helps it build up to the climax, particularly in a case like this where the real climax appears to be behind the scenes as opposed to be in the poem itself. I feel the same thing happens with "constantly" in the second stanza; perhaps you could reword that as "smiles shining bright" to get rid of the "c" sound.
I really like the imagery of the third line; the lingering ghost gives a sort of helplessness to the piece. I eel that the first comma may be misplaced though; as you follow with a comma of a different pause length, I think the first one could be a colon instead, ie. "The memories linger:/ a ghost, haunting"
Of all the stanzas, I'm least impressed by the fourth stanza; there's just something missing from it that your other stanzas contain. The ending comes out very well; I really like how "left for us" is left on its own as a finale, as that really makes it stand out.
Have a Merry Christmas.
| Isca chapter 1 . 2/7/2009
I liked the first stanza the best. It was honest, sad, and even a bit nostalgic.
The picture imagery is powerful. As time goes on, our relationships with people change. You illustrated that well in the second stanza.
"Semblance." Nice word choice.
| May Elizabeth chapter 1 . 12/15/2008
Aw so sad but true. One advice: burn that picture.
| scarlet stars chapter 1 . 5/19/2008
I really enjoyed this piece besides the first stanza. It just seemed to simple to fit in with the rest of the poem. One other line "my every thought" I think you should change. It's not bad, I just didn't really like it. Maybe change it to something like "the depths of my mind." I don't know. The rest is GREAT. Especially the ending. LOVED it :)
-A Raindrop's Shadow
| 123454321 chapter 1 . 3/12/2008
I liked the ending and the wording you used that though they speak of hope, ring of dispair.
The second stanza is a bit cliche with words like 'mocks' and 'shining' (in relation to smiles). Words and phrases like that are used a lot in poems of this nature (and I think you could do better!).
*Prize for review marathon*
| GothicSpook chapter 1 . 11/16/2007
I like it. I took it that a girl who is in a relationship which started out happy but then the happiness faded and she wants it back. I think a lot of people again can relate to this, I know I can at least!
| allyburner chapter 1 . 9/15/2007
It's sweet. The rhythm in the first couple stanzas stumbles a bit, for me anyway, but it's probably just me... Erm, also the punctuation. a little non-existent, and I think if you at least capitalised or had the occasional comma or something to show us when one idea ends, it'd make it clearer. I like the last stanza line best. It's a nice finish.
| daretobe-dIfFeRnT chapter 1 . 2/11/2007
aw no one should ever give up completely. i thought i did multiple times but hope seems to spring itself up when you need it the most:)
| Marine Wifey chapter 1 . 2/9/2007
I like it. Very well written! Keep up the great work! ;)
~ Sarah's State of Grace ~
| Manuel Fajar chapter 1 . 2/8/2007
I have thought of Love so oft,
Eventhough I lack Thy soft,
Laughter flinging Joy aloft,
But it seems Heart's hesitant,
Doubtful, and even distant:—
Perhaps, I'm a strange mutant,
Desirous of no pleasure,
Not even seeking leisure:—
Calmly awaiting life's closure,
An ant stepped on carelessly,
Small ship in harbor less lee,
Coward:— fleeing painlessly.