Reviews for Happy
Merry Christmas chapter 1 . 12/18/2012
Here's your Secret Santa review from yours truly. :)

I love the beginning of this; that pause after the first line is really well timed and puts a heavy weight of emotion into the entire stanza. I feel though that "should've" is a little too hard a sound for the start of that third line. Having a quieter meter helps it build up to the climax, particularly in a case like this where the real climax appears to be behind the scenes as opposed to be in the poem itself. I feel the same thing happens with "constantly" in the second stanza; perhaps you could reword that as "smiles shining bright" to get rid of the "c" sound.

I really like the imagery of the third line; the lingering ghost gives a sort of helplessness to the piece. I eel that the first comma may be misplaced though; as you follow with a comma of a different pause length, I think the first one could be a colon instead, ie. "The memories linger:/ a ghost, haunting"

Of all the stanzas, I'm least impressed by the fourth stanza; there's just something missing from it that your other stanzas contain. The ending comes out very well; I really like how "left for us" is left on its own as a finale, as that really makes it stand out.

Have a Merry Christmas.
Isca chapter 1 . 2/7/2009
I liked the first stanza the best. It was honest, sad, and even a bit nostalgic.

The picture imagery is powerful. As time goes on, our relationships with people change. You illustrated that well in the second stanza.

"Semblance." Nice word choice.
May Elizabeth chapter 1 . 12/15/2008
Aw so sad but true. One advice: burn that picture.

scarlet stars chapter 1 . 5/19/2008
I really enjoyed this piece besides the first stanza. It just seemed to simple to fit in with the rest of the poem. One other line "my every thought" I think you should change. It's not bad, I just didn't really like it. Maybe change it to something like "the depths of my mind." I don't know. The rest is GREAT. Especially the ending. LOVED it :)

-A Raindrop's Shadow
123454321 chapter 1 . 3/12/2008
I liked the ending and the wording you used that though they speak of hope, ring of dispair.

The second stanza is a bit cliche with words like 'mocks' and 'shining' (in relation to smiles). Words and phrases like that are used a lot in poems of this nature (and I think you could do better!).


*Prize for review marathon*
GothicSpook chapter 1 . 11/16/2007
I like it. I took it that a girl who is in a relationship which started out happy but then the happiness faded and she wants it back. I think a lot of people again can relate to this, I know I can at least!

allyburner chapter 1 . 9/15/2007
It's sweet. The rhythm in the first couple stanzas stumbles a bit, for me anyway, but it's probably just me... Erm, also the punctuation. a little non-existent, and I think if you at least capitalised or had the occasional comma or something to show us when one idea ends, it'd make it clearer. I like the last stanza line best. It's a nice finish.
daretobe-dIfFeRnT chapter 1 . 2/11/2007
aw no one should ever give up completely. i thought i did multiple times but hope seems to spring itself up when you need it the most:)
Marine Wifey chapter 1 . 2/9/2007
I like it. Very well written! Keep up the great work! ;)

~ Sarah's State of Grace ~
Manuel Fajar chapter 1 . 2/8/2007
I have thought of Love so oft,

Eventhough I lack Thy soft,

Laughter flinging Joy aloft,

But it seems Heart's hesitant,

Doubtful, and even distant:—

Perhaps, I'm a strange mutant,

Desirous of no pleasure,

Not even seeking leisure:—

Calmly awaiting life's closure,

An ant stepped on carelessly,

Small ship in harbor less lee,

Coward:— fleeing painlessly.