This piece is so beautifully written. The style in which you wrote the lines reads so well. This poem is begging to be read out loud. Stunning imagry too. Amazing work, and keep writing.

Oh my God Brian.

the 4th and 6th stanzas hit me like a ton of brick houses.

gah.

Beautiful.

betchya can't guess who this is!

The halting hesitations in this are marvelous.I like how you've developed an abstract beginning and ease into the specific-specifics in the middle, and fall back out to vibrant generalities again. It is a remarkable pattern of construction, so unique and contrasting for the reader to interpret. Very, very well written. Development excellent. MD:77.

This one is very different from your other poems; maybe that’s why I like it so much. You’ve conveyed a deep sense of emotion and motion throughout the entire piece. “backsliding tears” is wonderful, by the way. But the end is brilliant! Those two short lines sum up all of the feelings in the previous lines, but still provokes thought. Good thing there’s a part two coming, right? I think this is your best write yet, at least in terms of pulling the reader in. I was immediately enchanted by the ebb and flow of it all. You’re an extremely talented writer, and I know I keep telling you the same thing over and over, but it’s true. Don’t wait so long to post next time :)

very nice!

I really love the periods.

periods.

they really break it up and make it blurred where exactly the lines end and start. I really loved the last four lines. I love "static" as a way to describe someones eyes! It really makes for a wonderful metephor. I also liked the whole slow afterschool kisses part. It just holds lots of memories.

great work!

That is amazing. I really love the formatting of this. I mean, I LOVE it. The way I feel like time really is crawling, simply by the use of periods? Fantastic. Everything really does move slowly in this, and your phrases are nothing short of perfection. Obviously favoriting this. Gorgeous. Keep writing! :)

Oh. the last four lines- so good. and i really like the line from 'your levin smiles' down to 'sidewild romance' the most. kay, so it's way late, and i'd write more, but i'm exhausted.

[cb]

I like this... the title is great.. adn i love the part about the years... awesome write.. thanks for your review... your interpertation is kinda what it started as... although im a girl so it was about a boy..lol

so yes...i really wish i could critique this, but i can't. ;)

gorgeous imagery throughout.

and i read your profile; vaudeville inspires me lol. x