|Reviews for Inngit|
| Lauren Wolfe chapter 1 . 8/30/2007
Too forced. The thoughts are too forced. Truthfully? I think you used a lot of modifiers to make up for the lack of foundation. The poem needs a little more...something to it. Sense? I can't really put my finger on it, sorry...
Maybe you should make the comparisons a little more "graphic". Ako’y linyang/Walang kurba,/Papel na/Kung titigna’y madumi./At sayo’y/Kay ganda. Here, you describe your plain-ness compared to the person your persona's speaking to. Yes, you used descriptions-for yourself. You could always say, "at siya'y isang...", or something to that effect. [I'm not very proficient in Tagalog, hehe...pretty groggy right now too. Hehe.]
...please don't think I'm picking on you, or anything, since I've submitted reviews to...3 of your works just now ; Hope you won't think ill of me T.T