Reviews for Fallen
InSilverShadows chapter 2 . 1/18/2008
Hey, thanks for pointing out Piper's continuity error. He wasn't supposed to know the Choke Road bit, he can't read minds. Silly moi. XD
InSilverShadows chapter 1 . 12/30/2007
I'm on your favorites! *dies of flattery*

why just for that, chapter three of Ira and the Sirens is dedicated to you.
Prince Tin Lizzy chapter 3 . 10/17/2007
Why did you fluctuate between italics and regular print? Or is that just my computer...:P

Instead of repeating words that may be easily rhymed, try breaking out with something more random and out of pattern. It seems like you worked so hard to structure the poem that you sacrificed tone. It's hard for me to tell if the speaker is sad, angry, or both.
Prince Tin Lizzy chapter 2 . 10/17/2007
This might function better as prose rather than poetry. Again, your imagery is strong, but the narrative element seems to lend itself better to paragraph format.
Prince Tin Lizzy chapter 1 . 10/17/2007
Your most fluid line in this poem is "pouring your life's essence onto the white sand". It would have been a nice line to finish the poem with. Your imagery is strong, but it doesn't stretch very well over all of the stanzas. It might help to be unafraid to slash some of the stanzas to form a more concrete set of images rather than relying on repetition to do the job.
Night Silver's whisper chapter 3 . 9/26/2007
You take me by surprise every time. I keep thinking "wow, the first chapter will be better than the second of course! That's how it works." And every time I think that, you prove me, very very very wrong.

This is my favorite pair of lines from this one.

These days do go by and yet never you see,

Emptiness bathing you ever so mockingly

Brav, bravo once again.

Night Silver's Whisper
Night Silver's whisper chapter 2 . 9/26/2007
You had a grouping of four lines here that just struck me so strongly as gorgeous, that I wish I could bring all my online friends over to see, especially the writerly ones.

Beneath the rain did sorrows flow,

Among an endless stream,

A river’s swiftly fleeting train,

Among a memory’s lane’

That is genius, in a way I could never pull off. Your way with poetry is amazing. Your talent is an envied one. What a grand gift. Bless us with more.

Night Silver's Whisper
Night Silver's whisper chapter 1 . 9/26/2007
Beautiful. The first paragraph is just genius. I read it, and was impressed by the rhyming, the flow, and especially your choice of wording. You have such a talent with this kind of writing. You took my breath away.

Night Silver's Whisper
exit laughing chapter 3 . 8/5/2007
Very cool!

I'd love to read more!

;)

Katrina
exit laughing chapter 2 . 5/25/2007
This is amazing work. I envy your expertise with words - I've put up a few poems, but I really can never write them like this. It's such good work! I hope you'll continue writing more of these!
exit laughing chapter 1 . 3/2/2007
Wow! I really enjoyed this, so much so that I'm going to add it to my Favorites so others can read it too . . .

;)

Keep writing!

Kt
lymli chapter 1 . 2/8/2007
oh my gosh, I've enjoyed reading, it's wonderful even if looks melancholic, it's really hopeful.
Casey Drake chapter 1 . 2/7/2007
I like this...

:) CD