Sweet, good dialogue, a few grammatical mistakes but all together it's good.

~Lurid~

interesting... is it complete? or no?

I have a hard time figuring out whether this is the past or present, and there are several spelling and grammar errors, but i think the story you are trying tell is very good. You may want to try to develop the people more, so others may relate, but i think this could be very good if you developed it some more.

God. Someone left you a really mean review, didn't they? Still, don't be put off by that. This story has a lot of potential. Couple of grammatical errors but nothing to worry about. Keep writing, maybe someday you'll make a published author. Well done, you should be very proud of yourself. ;D

OMG this wos so good. All the characters were reely deep. and i felt ur pane. bcos i had that happen too me and it made me cry and then i slit my wrists but it was ok cos god savd me nd said it werent my time 2go. wot church do u go 2 i coud track u down nd we could b frends.

Seriously though, this sucked.

... you might want to talk to himm before you lose the one you love as i have...