Great story. It made me cry. Wonderful work.

~Twilight Starr~

In the first line when you said the stain was of her life story and started a new paragraph, that was very much imlyong someone begining to read someones melodramatic biography - the fact that you refrenced blood in it made it quite unoriginal so I would assume that the story itself had little originality. But for now work on how you start off, I do assume that this is just the first draft so you'll have lots of room for imrovement. Please dont get mad at me for giving my honest advic, especially by emailing me back to try to justify yourself or your work. Accept it and try to understand it to the best of your ability, that or I guess leave it the way it is in youthful rebellion. I dont say this because I dont like you I say it to assist the litereary proccess. Plus you wouldn't post anything on fictionpress if you didnt expect reviews.

In Creative writing people will use the term flame as if to symbolize setting someones work on fire... And then you'll be asked to Read and Review (R&R)... It is my opinion that when you write something and ask for advice about it expect good and bad. Do you write so that people can tell you how gifted you are? Do you write in hopes of a review that won't hurt your feelings? Did that poem mean alot to you, very personal? Could you not accept criticism? Don't publish it then. Writing is not a pansy sport and you can and will get your ass kicked. You're going to be a loser, and you will have to play goalie. Don't be a bitch, stand up and furiously stab at the paper with your feather quill pen! Do not insult my passion and sport, I will tell you you're faults and I'll do it with finese and vengeance. Write hard.

- Faye Coon

((Can You Fake It?))