|Reviews for The Valentine's Day Dance|
| The Egg chapter 1 . 9/22/2007
Not "great", there were simply too many typos, but the twist was excellent. There's nothing wrong with the plot of the short itself, and the language you used was clever and relatable.
But the ending...
I know that it's a short story, and I know that the biggest challenge of short-stories is ending them, but did Alice really have to kill herself, slitting her wrist of all things? And then, after taking a ton of pills, she had enough time to write the message “I loved her and she killed me at the Valentines Day Dance.” in her own blood after collapsing on the floor.
How depressing. But hey, that's love (ch-ch-ch-chah)!
Anyway, you could have at least made it more ironic. Like Alice wasn't able to complete the message before she died. Or her mom entered the room and rushed her to a hospital, where she died anyway. OR, Blue-Eyes followed her home (because she loved Alice back or some emotional dribble) and was too late, standing in the doorway to act as the last sight Alice would ever see...
Look at all those ideas you're giving me. This is definitely a good story if it can do that...however, I would advise to grammar-check and add in all the commas and apostrophes you missed. Also, you might want to add more length. This is a short story, but it could certainly be more thought-provoking.
| You're love chapter 1 . 6/17/2007
I've read this before but never have I commented on it. It is a beautifully sad story I must say and it makes you think about how others must feel upon being rejected. There, farewell
| Kaida chapter 1 . 2/17/2007
Even for it being so short, it really gets the point across of the pain of rejection and public humiliation. I can relate to the feeling of being called a freak. Good story!
| wecouldgoandget40s chapter 1 . 2/10/2007
I suppose this story you've written here shows the depressing angst of being a lesbian (I don't know how to write femme slash). I suppose for a F&F fic, this is a good way to write it.
Good job. My grade: B/A-
| Adam chapter 1 . 2/10/2007
Very good story though it was too depressing at the end. I liked how you kept the main character's gender a mystery until the end, making the reader assume its a guy. Great work.
| Inkspilled chapter 1 . 2/10/2007
It was suprising and interestingly planned out. The wrist cutting and stuff was a little overused, but that's just because of what I've read. :P It's different, but the same at the same time, I like it. :) There were a few minor mistakes and such, but they're barely there.
| Ratt Roses chapter 1 . 2/10/2007
Oh my God.
Haylie, that was... That was amazing!
| alyshia chapter 1 . 2/10/2007
not bad, really neat
| Our Most-Serene Tragedy chapter 1 . 2/10/2007
I thought this was nice, it was easy for me to relate to it as well. There are a few sentences I would have written differently, though, but I think you still did a nice job. I liked how you didn't introduce the main character as a woman until the dance, where it mentioned her dress(: