|Reviews for Breaktime|
| HatedLove6 chapter 1 . 5/19/2010
Aw, is that really it? It was just getting good. You could have at least shown us what the note said, I would have been perfectly happy with that.
Anyway, You kept switching names from Saya to Sara, so I'm not even sure what her name is, and you kept using a semicolon. The semicolon was definitely being overused, a comma or a period would have been sufficient.
It was cute and I loved it, nice job.
| BlaznFangurl chapter 1 . 7/27/2009
Erm, Hi, you gave me a review awhile back, and I completely overlooked you, so I am here to repay it :)
I like the tone of the story, and the woman is amusing, she thinks like most girls in that kind of situation. I liked the detail as well, they were very vibrant to say the least.
The dialogue the main character has with herself is funny and witty. The ending was very cute indeed. Great job.
Blazn, Via the Roadhouse :)
| la bonne annee chapter 1 . 4/24/2009
Aw...cute. Okay I said it. Its out in the open. Now onto the review.
First off, I noticed the main character's name changed from Saya to Sara several times. You might want to change it to one or the other, just because its usually helpful to name the main character once.
A little note: The first paragraph had a lot of ! after almost everything Saya says. This is not wrong necessarily, thought no many people talk! like! this!
It was adarable when Saya says: "He's a fox..." ;)
The paragraph that describes the so called 'fox', (the one that starts like this: "A sharply dressed, stunningly attractive young man...") reads a bit like you whipped out your thesaurus and went to town. "The benevolent sun's violent rays..." Hm. I say the simpler the better. "The sun's rays" would suffice, really. But that's my opinon.
For some reason this bit: "Heey! This is a nice pen," her sister remarked as she began twirling it between her fingers. "Where did you get a pen like
this?"... made me think of anime. It was like I was watching a Miyazaki movie or something. I bet the names of the characters just put me in that place. I like it.
| Starleaf chapter 1 . 10/15/2008
Is this cut off somehow? Unfinished? It ends with ""What’s this?" her sister asked as she noticed a small slip of paper hidden away in the cap of the pen."
Aww, it was just gettin good!
| Vector Phantom chapter 1 . 10/2/2008
Oh my God what a romantic twist, you simply must continue in some form, I love this.
Sorry to gush but here are some things I love...
The awkward stumbling of the thoughts that many people have when in love, I don't know why but I always feel like cheering for people in love while I watch them try to not make a fool of themselves.
Sara (I hope I got her name right) seems like such a nice person, even with out much time to get to know her I can't help but wish for her happiness.
And the slip of paper in the pen..it was syuch a mysterious way to end things, it's got me hooked, and I'd love to read any sequel you write to this!
| alacrityandasperity chapter 1 . 4/10/2007
It was good! Keep writing. Maybe you should flesh it out into a full story...it's really interesting.