Well, you made me listen to Ballroom Blitz for the first time in ages. :) I like this story, I will in all probability continue reading it when you update. I don't really have anything to add to what I've already said (in my previous review on this story, and the one for "The Interview"). There's a place where you've written "following in love", instead of "falling in love", and you seem to be alternating between calling Gabe's co-worker "Brenden" and "Brendon". Really minor things, but easily avoidable.

The story is cute, in a weird way. I mean, you're writing about prostitution and you make it sound like a normal thing to do if money's running a bit low. There's two ways of looking at that. One is that you make a very good job of showing that there's a person behind the mask of the whore, if you know what I mean. Two is that maybe you could take the brutality of having to work the streets more into consideration. I'm thinking that maybe with Adi, the obvious shady extra work would be to sell cam shows or whatever? There are (apparently) research that supports the notion that it's not all that uncommon for college students to earn a bit of extra cash that way. That would, I guess, also make sense for Gabe, seeing as he's already established on the internet. I realise it's a bit late to make this suggestion, but that seems like a good transition for Gabe, from webcam whore, getting propositions, falling for the temptation of easy extra cash. Although, having said that, if you'd go for that approach, then you'd have to explain Henri's going to see prostitutes differently.

Again, and this is more obvious in this story than in "The interview"... I think there are too many characters. Gabe, in my eyes, is a brilliant character. He's consistent, interesting, a victim yet with strong integrity. He's very well portraied. I also like Robbie and Adi. Amy is fascinating - I hope you have some background to her extremely rude behaviour, other than just being protective of her brother. What has caused her quite extreme angriness, you know?

I noticed someone else had pointed this out in a review, so I just want to emphasise it slightly; Gabe's school seem incredibly liberal in regards to not only sexual behaviour per se, but HOMOsexual behaviour, at that. I think a teacher telling students to take it to the bathroom would get in considerable trouble should anyone find out. Also, something else that has already been mentioned, is that Andy seems to change for no apparent reason? I like the idea of him changing his behaviour after a confrontation with Gabe, but I would think that maybe something that Gabe says to him causes him to think about his situation, coming to terms with being gay and THEN changing.

I like your song quotes in the beginning of every chapter. I knew most of the songs, and I can see how the mood of the song connects with the mood of the chapter. Very well done, indeed.

This review came out a little bit weird, and I realise that it doesn't really sound that positive. I *do* like your story, that's the basis of it. I mean, view your story as a nice-looking lawn. This review is kind of ignoring how well-kept and neatly mowed your lawn is and focusing solely on the few dandelions that has sneaked in.

All the best,

Sirivinda.

I wasn't intending on reviewing this until I'd finished reading it, but I just want to let you know that I don't think your sex scenes are poorly written at all - if anything I think they excel the none-sex bit (I have a theory about why, as well, but I'll save that for later... Evil...). Don't take them out of this chapter, they add sense and meaning to the interaction between mr. Armaan and Gabriel. If you remove them, how are you going to explain their respective thoughts and actions? Uh, yeah. Now I'm moving on to the next chapter.

First, a quick note about Children of Men - if you haven't already, read the damn book. It's by PD James, and I think it's MUCH better than the film. The film was so - Hollywoodised. All fighting and action and blowing stuff up, where the real emphasis of the book was on the feelings of the people, the hopelessness of a race that has no point. All of that was just missed in the film. But I'm well aware that books vs. films is one of the places where I can all too easily get frighteningly passionate (Don't get me started on A Little Princess...) so I'll stop now.

Cool chapter. I'm becoming increasingly certain that it shall be Robbie and Gabe for ever, and am feeling very smug that my predictions about Andy and Henri are being borne out. Although I think that you're redeeming Andy a little too fast.

My other critique of this chapter is the school's tolerant attitude to homosexual antics. I thought America was meant to be bitchier than England about that sort of thing, and my school goes all tight-lipped and white-knuckly when two girls start making out in the corridors (believe me, I've seen it happen and the consequences thereof). Wasn't really expecting outright homophobia from everyone (for one thing that's a touch overused) but cheery cooperation from all seems a bit unrealistic, too.

I think the play sounds interesting, and I can't help wondering if you're going to make the performance of it the climactic moment in the story, or at least a turning point, like you did with The Interview.

Anyway, generalised love and babbling, and now I must go. Farewell!

o i want to see children of men...mainly because of clive owens...haha andy & henri - i see potential

HORRAH! So good to see the next chapter up! This was as good as the rest. Shame that Robbie wasn't in it much...

Write more soon! :p

aw andy and henri :D how cute!

This chapter made me grin and feel warm and fuzzy. :P

Thanks to the banana conversation and the teachers willingness to let them screw. :P

AND, Henri is hopefully backing off, which leaves it down to Andy and Robbie.

GO ANDY, IF YOU CAN'T GET HIM, NO ONE CAN!

Good chapter

I'm not too big on war stories so if you really want to then go for it, but my interest really won't be drawn to read it. And I like how everyone wants Gabe. :) Andy with that other guy is confusing me 'cause it's not Gabe so what's that suppose to show or is it just showing he likes guys? Anyway, I like a lot and I'm definately voting for Henri, but I guess Robbie wouldn't be too bad. great story.

awesome! love the chapter, as per usual. i dont like andy, however.

on the dream sequence; you most definitely should write a story based on it.

I am loving this story! I love how he has so many guys after him and I like the fact that you had Henri and Andy meet and talk about the whole thing. It's great, please continue

Oh wow, this is getting complicated. THREE potential boyfriends.

I vote Andy. He may be a dick, but he'll get over it.

The other guys are so sweet, especially Robbie. But...I like arseholes better. :P

'Out of curiosity, are you trying to get him to fall in love with you too?'

/splutter/ /dies/

YES, write that scene! It sounds like fun :D

MOAR :O

Uh oh... That was kinda stupid of Henri. To reveal himself to Andy, that is. Unless they're going to hook up in the future? Either way, it's pretty flipping idiotic to tell a complete stranger that you're screwing your student. Especially when said stranger KNOWS the student.

Stupid boy.

Anyway, cheers to this chapter and the next!

Another interesting chapter - though I think I like The Interview more than this story. Just a little.

With Andy - I'm not entirely certain he's being consistent. Because you've been painting him as creepy annoying and possibly a molester of young girls/boys, and that seemed to well fixed for him just to change because Gabe yelled at him. threatened him, and grabbed his crotch. And the conversation at the end, about how he'd not certain whether he wants Gabe to fall in love with him - that seemed a little bit unnatural. I figure that he might well want Gabe to be his own private bitchboy, and after that point might develop a yearning for Gabe to love him, but at that point it seemed a bit much.

The three 'love interests' all ending up outside Gabe's house was also a tad contrived, but that can be excused in the name of art.

As for the future... Well. I want to find out more about Anthony, and have Amy find out that Gabe and her brother had a thing, and then ream them entirely. I also want Gabe's parents to either show up, or at least make their presence felt, because I think that would be interesting.

What else would be interesting would be if you developed the relationship between Henri and Andy, had them go out to dinner and stuff to discuss the mutual problems of Gabe, and actually find out they like each other. I can picture them being totally blind to it, enjoying hanging out but telling themselves it was just that they had a sympathetic ear, and then getting wildly drunk and realising that they didn't really care about Gabe any more. That would remove some of the complications.

I don't know whether I want Gabe and Robbie to get together, mostly because the life of a male prostitue would make the relationship a horrible horrible mess. (One of my characters was a rentboy, once, and it messed him up so badly when it came to his relationship. Of course, Gabe is less... utterly fucked up than Philip was.) I don't see how you're going to extract him from the prostitution thing, and that kind of worries me, because I think I'd feel kind of sad if he hadn't made any progression with his life from the beginning.

I'm amused that you have dreams about gay men, because I do as well. As does my best friend. Scarily enough, me and her dream repeatedly about the same two characters. As for that scene - it could be quite fun to turn into a story, but gay soldiers would be quite difficult, because of the risks of dishonourable discharge and the fact that their fellows would probably beat the shit out of them if they found them out. (A family friend was drafted for Veitnam; he was a conscientious objector, but he didn't dodge the draft so he could go into the camps and foment rebellion. He pretented to be gay in order to get out - his stories are not particularly pleasant.) Still, if it's a short snippet, then it wouldn't be a problem, I guess.

I'd say this review is quite long enough, so I should most probably depart. Farewell!