Reviews for Façade
Vergeflower chapter 5 . 12/2/2012
Well done! Each chapter could represent a separate portrait; or it could be the same smile, a few teeth missing each time over the course a single "her"s time. Somehow introspective and full of vivid impressions that are painful and eloquent in an odd and omniscient sort of way. Well done, indeed. Wish you hadn't closed your account; hope you find the feedback.
Ladybugg13 chapter 1 . 10/6/2007
I don't know why, but to me this is the story of the mother, instead of the daughter. The fifth paragraph is both of them, and how they overlap, but the rest is back in time. It doesn't even make sense to me, but thats how my mind interpreted it.

very nice.

friend 49 chapter 1 . 10/3/2007
I will proceed in order of how I'm thinking right now.

So first of all, thanks for reviewing. I didn't expect anyone to review them, much less two. I appreciate it a ton.

Secondly- about the punctuation thing. It's not that I don't like using punctuation or anything. It's just that most of my poems, if I type slowly, then I lose the inspiration. I'm not a fast typer, so I do my best to cut out little things that take me a long time. I usually edit them later, but I forgot to do this one.

Another thing is that, about the bolding, I didn't mean to bold it. I have no idea how that happened, because it's not in bold on my computer. Hmm...

Lastly, and most importantly, your poem. This poem was kind of dark, but it was still very good. I liked the nice, neat format of four lines each, and the rhyming wasn't forced. That is more than I can do. Ever. :)

Congratulations. I know 36 people have reviewed this, but this is one more!

Have a great day!

By the way, do you have an accent? (I don't mean to be rude, I'm just curious.) I really like English accents. I wish I had one, because everything sounds a lot better when you say it like that. :)

(Don't hate me for asking that please.)
Generation Dead chapter 5 . 6/25/2007
This is beautiful, sad, and realy good, all wrapped up in one! you're an amazing writer!
NothingNothingNothing chapter 5 . 6/5/2007
Once again, wow.

Just wow.

This story is of paramount sadness and unique depth, framed by a mature and inquisitive mind.

You should seriously consider writing novels, there is some real potential for good storytelling here.

The story was so sad -_-

NothingNothingNothing chapter 1 . 6/5/2007
This is probably the darkest and slightly disturbing poem you've ever written...which in no way diminishes its beauty or profound emotions.

A large portion of this sounds like it has personal relevance to your own life experiences, such is the way it is written.

''She sat with the others,

Never a child.''

That's my favorite line.

It appeals to me personally, heh

The last line is what I found so disturbing...

Quite unnerving that after such a long and anguished describiton of someone's pain and suffering, somebody, who was was the indirect cause of it would smile...

ce n'est pas que je m'appelle chapter 1 . 4/25/2007
Your rhythm was a bit off in places, and in my opinion the ending kind of crushed the poem. No offense, that's just my opinion.

Thanks for your review!

evasprecher chapter 2 . 4/10/2007
a... depressing but really good. i would only change one thing, which would be to make it clear whos blood stained her shirt, it sounds a bit like its his, which i dont think it is.

Eva Sprecher
evasprecher chapter 1 . 4/10/2007
ME LIKES! but again... WHY RYHME!
zz00 chapter 1 . 4/1/2007
Thanks for the review. I meant battery as a pun, because of the science vocab. (We're doing electricity so I compared an actual battery to the battery of noise). Sorry if that wasn't obvious.

Anyhoo, this isn't a bad poem. It's quite expressive and it follows a nice rhythmic pattern. However (and perhaps you meant this), despite what more or less well-written language, you use quite a few clichés or common expressions in your descriptions, 'crocodile tears', 'stolen glances' and 'unrequited love' as examples. I would simply suggest that you try finding new ways of expressing things. Other than that, good job. :)
Stella-Polaris chapter 6 . 4/1/2007
Love it. Well way more more than that...
Stella-Polaris chapter 7 . 4/1/2007
Wow.. is all I have to say... wow... So indescribable in such few words... Even the book I told you about couldn't beat it!
Ink'd-Reality chapter 2 . 3/25/2007
Getting better. The message of the whole poem is evident throughout, and don't stray off onto too many different angles. Nice language, and a nice free-flowing rhythm. The only flaw I noticed was the introduction. Personally, I like to start with a bang - something that really wakes the reader up and gives them an insight as to what the poem is about. I felt you started off quite slowly and it took me a while to get into the swing of things, as it were. Also, at first it seems as though the man has left her, but then he suddenly comes back again. Perhaps you could make clearer his changability and how he keeps coming back. Other than that it was lovely. Keep up the good work.
You know who I am chapter 1 . 3/25/2007
Righty ho, where to start? I thought the rhythm was rather dodgy in places, as were the rhymes. Language was lovely, considering that your lines were very short. I know how hard it is to fit it all in. I thought that it was very difficult to pick out a certain theme from the poem - the reader is getting all these different angles and perspectives of the girl's relationship with this man, and it leaves one a little confused. Overall, I love this. Great use of language and some wonderful witty phrases in there. However, I still think there are a few things that you can neaten up. That's pretty much it, I think...
Wolf's Night chapter 6 . 3/11/2007
Amazing...I really wish I could write like that..

Great job
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