Reviews for When the Stranger came to Branton
Hola chapter 1 . 4/17/2012
So since you're entering it into a contest, I'm gonna bring on the criticism. Firstly, I wanna complement it. The adjectives are really awesome, and it actually makes me feel i'm experiencing it with you. Which is really REALLY good. I would recommend you break the descriptive passages down into more paragraphs, so it makes it easier for a reader to understand, and not to lose interest. It's just my views.

I like the concept of the story, although i am not sure if the atmosphere is supposed to be heavy or not. if it IS supposed to be heavy, then it's a good job. if it's for light reading, then lighten it up a bit. something like 'the birds were chirping' or 'people chattered' would do the trick.

lastly, it's spelt 'suggestions' (in your author's note) sorry i'm a sticker for spellings.

good luck for that contest of yours!

Ciao

Fleur