|Reviews for My Mistake|
| Neoteric-figment chapter 1 . 1/5/2010
Took a little longer for me to get into this one than some of your others, but we got there in the end. I liked your description of the theatre as well as the female character. (Seriously red hair AND green eyes and a cute boot to match...put on a pair of square rimmed glasses and you have my version of a very aesthetically pleasing dream girl.)
But getting back to the story. The best was definitely the exchanges between the two characters. The dialogue flowed really well between them, as did the chemistry, I thought.
Oh and what is it with you and Sleepwalkers! Lol, seriously I got a laugh out of the reference. That movie was bad on so many levels.
A short but sweet one. Good job.
| m r s . w r i t i n g chapter 1 . 5/30/2009
"The date" and "Wheelman" is not specific enough. I kept having to remind myself.
Now, anyway, I love this.
| Tog chapter 1 . 9/5/2008
Ya know, being intimately familiar with the characters in this story and having been present for the evening involved, I don't recall being droped off first. As that would've taken the wheelman about 15 miles out of his way since the mistake lived down the hill and we all lived up the hill... But maybe being played by mistake clouds the memory. Hope she's happy with her missus now anyway. ;)
| Violent Messiah chapter 1 . 8/15/2008
OK, me again. An interesting little tale of trying to do the right thing and resist temptation as our protagonist tries to adhere to the age old young male code of honor known as (and I don't mean to offend anyone, it's just what it's called)"Bros over hos". Good guy with a bad rap, kind of feel for dude.
Seriously, the no names thing is your trademark, isn't it? The Date, the Wheelman, He and She...a bit unusual but I guess I see how it works OK for your stories, though.
What you choose to leave out regarding names, you at least make up for with the verbal exchange between characters. Smooth, didn't feel forced or stilted...it works well.
The descriptions were interesting as I notice you go to great pains not to drop too many names, opting to describe the can of soda and the candy bars and other things rather then come out and name thing. Different, yet kinda cool.
Another open-ended ending, something you could totally expand on, like what happens the next day with the Date and the protagonist. That would be something interesting to read. But, I guess the ending as is works, as well.
Another pretty good piece. Good job.
(This review has been brought to you by The Anti Silence Squad at The Roadhouse. Cheers!)
| stormqueen33 chapter 1 . 2/14/2007
I wish I could give constructive criticism but I love it just the way it is. Awesome story. Happy Valentine's Day!
| Jellybrina chapter 1 . 2/14/2007
Now, it's stories like these that grasp my attention and hold it.
This was amazing. I would favorite this but I'm not logged in, sadly.
Continue writing! This was very cute. I enjoyed it.
| cbprice25 chapter 1 . 2/14/2007
I like it.
| EmeraldsAndPearls33 chapter 1 . 2/13/2007
I liked this a lot. I particularly loved your vivid descriptions. I noticed a few typos (i.e. "you're" instead of "your"; "mad" instead of "made"), but nothing to detract much from the story. And what an intriguing story it was! I liked the feeling of surreality and mystery created by your use of ambiguous phrases to refer to the characters-"the date," "the wheelman." The "sweet girl" becomes that flirty, cute girl we all know. "He" becomes the sensitive poet whom no one understands. "The date" becomes the competition everyone has had. It's the classic love triangle (with a twist), broken down to its most basic structure. However, I felt like there was something holding me back from being fully immersed in this otherwise captivating story. I think it was the way the girl ditched her date like she did, then kissed the guy. It felt cheap despite the guy's class. And maybe you meant it to be like that, but with her indifferent behavior, I felt that the sexual tension you so expertly built between the two characters was destroyed because I got the impression that she's like this with every guy she meets. Otherwise, an excellent and near-professional piece of writing. Thanks for a good read!