Reviews for Forever Yours
mahou92 chapter 1 . 2/17/2007
I love it so much! Very good for a newbie... I guess. Anyways keep writing! YAY!
munchkin604 chapter 1 . 2/16/2007
yay! i love it! i can't wait till next chapter! D you know what, the part about Justin telling her to throw the dirty belongings away kinda reminded me of the KDrama: Goong (Princess Hours)... but anywhos, I LOVE IT! continue please!
K.B. Hanna chapter 1 . 2/16/2007
Right, what I'm going to do, is give you constructive criticism. If you can't take it, don't read it.

I just hate high school? (Why is she asking herself if she hates school? Take out the question mark. It'll make reading much easier)

waltzes right by not even knowing you exist (He'd obviously knows they exist. He's seen them, therefore they exist. I'd say acknowledged instead. It creates a clearer picture.)

little itty bitty mistake (take out either little or itty bitty. They mean the same. Synonyms make things redundant.)

shrieks quietly in my ear, butloud enough to me that it can bust an eardrum. (There is no way someone can shriek quietly. Plus, this whole statement is contradicting)

She said sitting down on her bottom (umm, what else would she use to sit? her elbow?)

“Whatever.” She said (It's a dialogue tag dear, put a comma instead of a period and make she lowercase)

Same goes for every other sentence that has the dialogue tag said. I don't feel like pointing them all out.

Kelly said cupping her hands around her mouth. (need a comma after said.)

and a couple of cocktail fruit (since there is more than one fruit, make it plural)

instead of making your words bold, make them italics.

I don't have time to point out every little grammar mistake you made, so I'll give you the basics.

First, your characters seem generic and all too played out. Their dialogue is flat and I've practically heard it in every other story. Try developing them further.

Secondly, before you post a chapter, just reread back through it to clean up any parts that are confusing.

Thirdly, try keeping every thing in the same tense. You switch back and forth between first and third.

Fourthly, when describing something, don't use two adjectives that mean the same thing.

Anyway, don't let anything discourage you, including what I just said. Take it instride and try to improve your writing. Quiting doesn't get you anywhere. Since this is your first story, don't expect tons of people to go gaga-googoo over it. Most first stories are horrible, including mine. Your writing will develop over time. Oh, and don't continue this story for the readers, continue it for yourself. That's the only way you're going to get somewhere.
tornangelwings chapter 1 . 2/16/2007
holy crap-a-molie i love it really i do, you shoul d hurry and update soon cuz i wants ta readed more...d