|Reviews for More Meat to Eat|
| Abbadon Kikoskia chapter 1 . 4/5/2013
It's an interesting story but the fundamental flaw is that human meat is poisonous to other humans. A large society could not survive eating each other.
| bibliophile1 chapter 12 . 12/16/2010
The rogue commas are driving me crazy! Good rule of thumb: if you don't pause when you say it aloud, don' put a comma there. Even if it's a dependent clause, if you don't pause when you say it there's no comma around it. Important clauses get no comma. Certain prepositional phrases get no comma. All these commas are telling me to stop, and I'm having to ignore them. You're a good writer, but after reading this far and through Gatored Community I can't stand it any longer! Otherwise, thank the Lord for your amazing and inspiring work.
| ChibiMa chapter 1 . 7/6/2009
That was disturbung yet awesome at the same time.
| penguinfragger chapter 4 . 9/2/2007
This is coming along well. The atmosphere of banalized sex and violence reminds me of Huxley's "Brave New World", like some sort of future society with moral codes we just can't come to terms with. I'll be reading further into this asap.
| watchdog chapter 13 . 8/22/2007
Verry well done and to the reviwer that said religen(sorry spell check is down)kills the story, that is just oone opinon. I think the awakeing of the charecters is a vital part of the story. Very well done. Haveing said that, there dosen't seem to be an ending for me. It just kinda stops. I would like to know what happens after they get out. Overall very good. Keep it up.
| keladry rose chapter 8 . 7/18/2007
Wow this was the start of a really fantastic story...then you just had to put religion into it and now it is crap. Sorry but religion is a big no no. It makes it sound like your trying to convert us and the story is just a back up. Otherwise you have the makings of a good author.
| TehRyder chapter 13 . 7/17/2007
I love it. It's so interesting and you have developed a believable culture.
| Rainumora chapter 1 . 7/16/2007
How grisly yet entertaining. I must read more.
| Hsargz chapter 13 . 3/20/2007
Thats the end until you make the changes? It wasnt that bad.. I dont think they would think that jokes about eating people would be threatening. It wasnt to bad of a final chapter, although it did end kinda.. anti climatic. I wouldnt thing that the people would accept them right away.
| Hsargz chapter 12 . 3/13/2007
Hmm i think karen should like..start a revolt and have everyone inside he city declare war on the outside... eating the bodys of there enemys and fallen... but anyway, it was a good chapter.
| Roman Seabird chapter 10 . 3/13/2007
Since death is so everyday, providing them with sustenance, and the object of their high school sports, it makes a lot of sense to me that Louise's greatest fears are getting raped or tortured. Dying quickly happens all the time. Good characterization!
He said, "Welcome to Paradise Louise."
"Welcome to Paradise Dave."
Is this how they say "Good-bye"? In the earlier chapters it seemed as though it was what people said to dying people, but I cannot tell if it means "Good-bye," or "Good-bye, person I just killed."
"We thought you might be hungry," he told them, "so we brought you some sandwiches. Just cold cuts for now. You'll have something warm to eat later."
Do Louise and Dave assume this is human meat? If they don't, it would be a good thing to show reactions.
I like how you ended this chapter.
| Nemonus chapter 9 . 3/13/2007
""Wouldn't you like to see what's out there too [comma needed here] Louise?""
"You mean a lot more to me, than she ever did, or ever will."" The two commas here are not needed. Here too; "...Only people who work in those facilities, are permitted access.""
I'm not sure what's up with these commas. Maybe you stole them from the story of this dude who I reviewed who didn't have any. "... Dave and Karen joined the crowd, on the thickly packed elevator, which filled the entire block, on the west side of 7th Avenue, between West 57th and West 58th Streets, on Level 1378." All of these commas except the second-to-last are not needed and make the sentence sound halting. You have this problem in a lesser scale a lot this chapter.
You keep writing the street adresses specifically. Are you planning on including a map in the novel?
"and road [needs to be 'rode']it downtown, to 39th Street."
"entertainment Levels, containing legitimate theaters, along with theaters for opera and ballet; along with movie and TV studios." If the Entertainment Levels contain both the theatres and the studios then the semicolon in this part needs to be a comma. Why the term "legitimate" theatres? Do you mean cinemas?
The fire stairs are in case the whole city needs to be evacuated? I'd think they'd have a very insular fire retardant system if they were planning to stay in the City indefinatly. Fire stairs are an excellent way to get the kids out and they make the City sound even more like one giant building. However, everywhere else you stress the importance of keeping people inside.
"Then He [
| Hsargz chapter 11 . 3/10/2007
| Roman Seabird chapter 9 . 3/10/2007
But one thing, if there is no travel between the city buildings, as seems logical, why would people *want* to call each other? Get the news of sports teams, movies, etc., etc., but why would they want to call?
| Roman Seabird chapter 8 . 3/10/2007
You have a good grasp on high school life.
Is that a good place to end a chapter? Yes, it's "clever," but it is not very final.