|Reviews for More Meat to Eat|
| Roman Seabird chapter 8 . 3/10/2007
You have a good grasp on high school life.
Is that a good place to end a chapter? Yes, it's "clever," but it is not very final.
| Roman Seabird chapter 7 . 3/10/2007
"He said, 'Karen arise, and choose life, so that you and your children will live and possess the Land, that the Lord your God has given to you.'
Why did we not hear this during that chapter? That would have been interesting.
And by the way, it's rather hard to knock someone over by hitting them on the side of their head.
| Roman Seabird chapter 6 . 3/10/2007
I'm curious as to how Karen found her way back so quickly. (I assume it was quickly.) Is it usual for women to walk around without tops on, so she got back without a fuss and being chased?
| Roman Seabird chapter 5 . 3/10/2007
She decides to go topless? Why is this necessary? Fan service? (Please don't say yes.)
And they get turned into sausages- smart. The most efficient way of making meals out of a body.
If the world was as polluted as all that, though, how would these birds' ancestors have survived? I understand them, but not their ancestors.
| Roman Seabird chapter 4 . 3/10/2007
Cheerleading drama X 50 when it's life-or-death! ) I approve.
| Roman Seabird chapter 3 . 3/10/2007
This chapter is good, and I like that even this far in the future, school administrators tend to be farther left than the norm.
How you break up dialogue confused me until I got used to it. It looks like the teacher is replying, below.
Louise Torelli raised her hand and asked, "Isn't it true that conditions weren't really as bad, as we've been taught? I've read about a group of Environmental Terrorists, who called themselves the 'Kaczynski Brigade'.
"They said they loved humanity, but they hated individuals. They got their hands on a number of biological and nuclear weapons. Then they threatened to use them, unless the City Buildings were built and occupied; and our wussy ancestors gave in."
One last thing- if they sealed themselves in, there are no animals, which would make sense with the chemical thing.
| Roman Seabird chapter 2 . 3/10/2007
I'm *so* glad you didn't make Karen Homecoming Queen. I like seeing her reaction. It's very realistic, despite the brevity of how you tell it. "Karen stopped smiling," is very brief, but I totally see what's happening.
| Roman Seabird chapter 1 . 3/8/2007
You write well, but are somewhat lacking in the "ideas" and "logic" departments.
-1. There are no vegetables. Why? Dig farther and grow plants via hydroponics- make a garden for them on the roof.
-2. There are no vegetables. You say these people are "sickly," yes, but they are not as sick as they would be if they never gotten Vitamin C from fruit, A from vegetables, B from ?, and D from sunlight. For one thing, they should have no teeth. Scurvy.
-3. Do you have any IDEA how INefficient cannibalism is? Let's assume an adult (16) human makes 50 meals, which sounds like a huge overestimate to me. These won't be big meals, so every person will need two a day. So one person can feed one person for twenty-five days. Assuming a person becomes big enough to create 50 meals at age 16, they needed 234 (233.76) dead people to get their. So your population is decreasing by about 240% every 16 years. That's HUGE. There's no WAY they could sustain that practice for very long.
Basically, your premise is as full of holes as swiss cheese, but you work from it well. Once I had accepted the unacceptably illogical premise, your story was well written with generally good world-building.
| Nemonus chapter 8 . 3/8/2007
Fine chapter. I found almost nothing wrong with this one. Sorry I'm late on updating my reviews.
| penguinfragger chapter 2 . 3/5/2007
The idea behind your story is great, but what's bothering me are your characters. Did you intentionally portray them as emotionless shells? I'll be reading deeper into it though, and so far so pretty-much-good!
| x-kit-x chapter 8 . 2/27/2007
This story is a lot better than it used to be, I didn't like all the sex and language. Now it seems to have more substance, even though Louise and Dave seemed to revolve around sex alot in previous chapters - or is that all love is in this future because of the constant fear of becoming "meat".
| Hsargz chapter 7 . 2/26/2007
Its better than it used to. Its stilla good story line, and theres alot less language and sex.. but so far the whole thing of karen going to the outside part hasnt gone very far.. but keep it up
| Nemonus chapter 7 . 2/25/2007
When did she hear God? Was it when she woke up on the conveyor? Or when she walked out the door? I think you need to put that in her point of view. What said "Welcome to Paradise,"? Seems like you're only answering questions about her new spiritual experience which weren't asked.
Indeed-why leave the students to figure out their "problem" for themselves? I'd like to see a new character, such as a clergyman or government official, which would fill the role of watching over them and also expand our knowledge of the world.
"don't get the extra rations Landis" needs a comma.
Does every chapter have to end with someone getting knocked out?
| Nemonus chapter 6 . 2/25/2007
LOL, Syolent Green! Great! Dave's character is becoming much more complex. But why is he getting involved with Louise? He sounded so shellshocked about Karen's (second) death.
And Karen-instead of going to look for the unpolluted part of the world which she saw from the window, she goes back to her boyfriend's house? Ok-that's very realistic. It makes for a disappointing scene though!
| Nemonus chapter 5 . 2/25/2007
"She thought, I'll just have to go topless, like I was wearing my gym uniform." Or as if this were like many many other SF stories written by males, who like to put in scantily clad females at every available opportunity.
It's good that we see the actual 'meat' facility in this chapter. With its hints of strangeness it adds to your creative worldbuilding.
I was thinking recently that this story-which is very memorable, if only for its shock value-could do with some thinking about its audience. Is it for the SF buffs who want to see the new world and think complex thoughts about its plausibility? Is it for the fans of horror and Carrie-like pseudofantasies with cheerleaders? Is it for the religious, who probably won't climb through the horror for the prayer? It is just enough of each that it could disappoint anyone with a specific interest.
You have been gifted with some intelligent and observant other reviewers. In almost all points I agree with AdamCrabtree and Bluebook.
Nice twist, with what she sees outside the window.
Very intriguing. I wnat to follow her.