Reviews for TRENCH REVISED
KarrahBear chapter 7 . 1/25/2008
This is great. I love the story although just leaving us hanging like that is kind of cruel, lol. Awesome writing, keep it up!
Britty chapter 6 . 9/2/2007
oh sounds like Justin was getting buzy are you sure this is appropriate ahha jk luv it
Smokey Betta chapter 6 . 8/27/2007
You wrote stuff. Good job.
Ellica Dramis chapter 7 . 8/21/2007
Hurry! Hurry! Quick-posty! ... er... Sorry... It's good, really good... (Quick-posty New-chappie Trench-story - nevermind...)
Ellica Dramis chapter 6 . 8/21/2007
WOOHO! Yay! *wiggles* More Trench!... It's getting really good... (And it's better than last time; you are successful!)
Ellica Dramis chapter 5 . 6/25/2007
ooh... is my little jazza-mine fantasizing again? (jk, hon, don't mind me...) it IS a lot better than last time (i mean, this version is better than the other one...). if you do another scene at the school, maybe... describe random people, or something... (like, chase is talking to pike; chase says "hi, how are you?". pike stared for a moment at a blonde girl wearing spandex before answering. "um... confused.") it could make it really funny. not that you need help with funny or anything, you've actually got that down REALLY WELL...
Ellica Dramis chapter 4 . 6/25/2007
"Believe, hoping only that if the dream turned into a nightmare… they would bake up" i like this one... jk, i know it's a mistake, but maybe you should leave it that way... this is really good, i think it's better than the first one... (and less name-dropping, wink-wink)
Ellica Dramis chapter 3 . 6/25/2007
i'm liking this whole new-and-revised edition... just check a few grammar things (like "justin's eyes sparkled through his hair" in the previous chapter... that one was weird). keep up the exciting work!
Smokey Betta chapter 5 . 6/5/2007
Ew. Gross father of his.
WyrdWolf chapter 5 . 5/23/2007
Oh. That's what the bold is.

Hm...well, it's not helping the story. Even though you explained it, it's still kind of like this little thing you see occasionally that's distracting. If its purpose is foreshadowing, then it's doing too good a job. Foreshadowing should be vague and inserted into the writing, not spelled out word-for-word for the reader. I advise losing the bold altogether. For the phone call, it's simple to just make it clearly a two-way conversation without having one of the parties speaking in bold.

Hm. So Chase's father knows, too. CC: His dad didn't sound very mature or dad-like. Even if his nature is to be goofy in a way, in a situation like that he should have a serious demeanor.

Chase's own self-doubt and thoughts about his predicament were good if a bit...verbose. I'd recommend shaving off what you could. Other than that, this chapter was good and Chase's character development was well done.

I think I get the concept of There. If you're unsure about readers getting it, though, have whomever explains it to Skylar do it in a way that's simple. The readers will pick it up. Or Skylar could learn bits and pieces along the way and the reader could be in the dark with her. Best of luck!

Wolfie
britty chapter 4 . 5/7/2007
you got it up u got it up! yaya I luv ya hun and plez talk to me if u have a prob. cuz this could be my last year:(
Ket chapter 4 . 5/6/2007
Everyone always dresses when they go places...but I'm curious as to what she was originally wearing. Unless you wrote that...I don't know, there was something about 'thick' material in there...anyways some minor spelling mistakes.
WyrdWolf chapter 4 . 5/6/2007
Ah, so SKylar is here...There, and getting adjusted a little bit. Probably much easier for her if she thinks it's a lucid dream.

The boldened words are a bit confusing, because at times they seem to be just for important, short sentences/words, but then you use them as her thoughts (for when she was thinking about writing a book about her 'dream'). Might wanna define what they are; use them in a consistent pattern.

Other than that, it looks very nice and has excellent attention to detail.

Wolfie
My Brighter Darkness chapter 1 . 5/5/2007
Wow, this sounds awesome. I can't wait to read more, But I'm kinda busy. If you don't recieve more reviews from me by Monday Evening, Pease start a search party!
MysticMaJix chapter 3 . 4/4/2007
ha ha yes aud it is me ha! i was just readin all da reveiws ha!

luv the story ilu jazzy!:)
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