|Reviews for Changing Carver|
| Chicken Paddy chapter 3 . 11/24/2007
Very nice chapter. It gives a lot of detail about Nikole's background, but still doesn't say what her special talent is. Hm...I noticed that this is much more sexual than "Holding on to Hope," but every story is different. Carver is a pig. Ty is a good guy. Just thought I'd mention that. Oh, and Nola and Ricki are evil too. Keep up the good work!
| Chicken Paddy chapter 2 . 11/24/2007
Hm. Not a bad chapter. I does establish whose who in the story and gives a bit more backing on out leading lady Nikole. Though, you seem to be passing from one scene to the next without much transition. I must also point out that there seem to be quite a few named characters in this story. Make sure you're careful about that and make sure the reader can remember who's who. I can't wait to see the big secret of Nikole and her group. And most men in this story seem to be utter pigs, but since this is *Changing* Carver we'll see how things turn out. As always, keep up the good work!
| Chicken Paddy chapter 1 . 11/24/2007
I hope you don't mind people repeating things in reviews. I don't like to read all the other reviews until I'm finished with a story. It's just one of my things. Anyway, this looks like a good story, romance with a bit of secret agency. I'll say right now that Carver is a pig. The kind I detest. I also must say that the part where Nikole and Carver were arguing in the airport was a bit confusing, but I understood it. Very nice, and as always, keep up the good work.
| remember me vividly chapter 4 . 10/16/2007
Bratty rich kids... Oh how I hate them. Great job so far!
| remember me vividly chapter 3 . 10/16/2007
And I really liked Cooper... XD
| remember me vividly chapter 1 . 10/16/2007
Man... You know, it's kinda hard to return the favor when there are soo many stories to go through... But you did say somewhere that this was one of your favorites, so that's why I picked it.
I really like Nikole. I'm a lot like her. Love the bet, and the part about the AST. You'll hear from me soon...
| GrannyP chapter 23 . 10/10/2007
Now for my long review of the story overall: I think you will find that most of what I have to say consists of things you already know about your writing, based on what you have written on your profile.
Your story is very complex. It seems like there are several plots going on at once and the characters are involved in so much: Nikole is trying to stop AST, there's the Order of the Night thing, House of Valley, the relationship with Angel, the relationship with her mom, the relationship with her dad, and then the issues with Carver. And then there's all the characters that go along with each of those elements. It's kind of hard to keep up with what's going on because there are so many characters and so many subplots. Now, I don't think that complex is necessarily a bad thing. It is possible to keep up with your story; I did it, but I had to go back and re-read some parts several times to keep the characters and things straight. In other words, this doesn't make for light reading, and you really have to be in the mood to think while you are reading. But once you get into the story and get all the parts straight in your head, it's easy to enjoy. I laughed, I gasped, I said "aw." All signs that I thought it was a good story.
One thing I noticed: what happened to the character Dayton? At first he was there a lot, then he kind of disappeared. I thought he would come back in the end with some big surprise (maybe he was helping set Nikole up for all these disasters? I don't know), but he didn't. Maybe he will return in the sequel, but I think I missed his significance in the story.
I think that this one story could have been separated into a series of stories instead of one big complex story. Like, the AST subplot could be one story by itself and the Order of the Night another story, without overlapping the two in one story. And then the relationships with Carver and Angel could have crossed over from one story to another. Does that make sense? It would take a lot of remodeling, and I would completely understand if you wouldn't want to do this...
The transitions are also kind of difficult to follow. I think I read somewhere that FP deleted all your transition markings (they did mine too, so I know how that is). Having those in there would probably make it flow better.
You have said yourself that you don't like details, and this shows in your story. I personally love details (you've read my story so far, so you may have noticed), but I think that your dialogue is so rich that it makes up for the lack of details. I admire you for that style because it's something that not everyone can pull off. I am terrible at dialogue, and you, my dear, are not. Your dialogue is great.
Please let me know if there is anything specific you want feedback about. I will be happy to help you out in any way that I can. Consider me your new fan.
I am off to start on Misplaced Trust.
| GrannyP chapter 22 . 10/9/2007
I was completely wrong about Joseph also! Dang! You are too good!
I just read the last chapter also, and it was perfect. A good closing to finish off this story, but enough to let you know that there is definitely more to come.
Later I am going to do a long review on the whole story there.
| GrannyP chapter 21 . 10/9/2007
Okay.. something big is about to happen... I can tell! The suspense is killing me! Sticking those three lines in there with the unknown females and male was great! It took me a few minutes to get it, but it's awesome! I can't wait to find out what that was all about!
| GrannyP chapter 20 . 10/9/2007
Haha! I was thinking.. "Aw, a nice chapter ending. The friends are hanging out. It's sweet and fun." Then BAM, another kidnapping. I love it! It keeps me on my toes!
| GrannyP chapter 18 . 10/9/2007
Wow. Just wow.
I didn't review the last few chapters because I didn't want to stop reading. So I'll lump it all into one review.
Wow. Okay, so I guessed there was something up with Phil, and there was, but I was completely wrong!
This story line is so great, and ch 18 was awesome because it did answer so many questions. I can't wait to see what is left to come!
| GrannyP chapter 15 . 10/8/2007
I love that you started putting in some French between Nikole and Angel. I don't speak any French, so it's really impressive to me. And the story is getting really complex now...
Also except instead of expect, and maybe put a semicolon after Nikole?
| GrannyP chapter 14 . 10/8/2007
I REALLY hope that Phil is a good guy. I think he is, but I also thought that Carver would be a good guy by now.. and look what happened. Yet another surprise to keep me hooked!
I think you meant "explored"
"was" instead of "as" ?
Hours instead of houses?
| GrannyP chapter 13 . 10/8/2007
This chapter made me laugh too much just because so many bad things happen to Nikole. And she takes it like it's no big deal! She's so classy.
I think it should be "she couldn't let Carver die"
Shouldn't it be Derek, not Dan? Dan went away already...
| GrannyP chapter 12 . 10/8/2007
This gets better as I go along...
Grammar things I noted:
"He had fought his way to the top-after emigrating from Russia to America—while being ethnically correct." I think the word should be "ethically." Because "ethnically" means "culturally."
I think the same thing happened earlier (yes, I looked it up, in chapter 8):
I think it should be "Board of Ethics" and also change "your" to "you"... but that was back in ch 8, not 12
Otherwise, I was so into the content of the story, any other grammar errors didn't distract me.