|Reviews for Changing Carver|
| GrannyP chapter 11 . 10/8/2007
Another excellently written chapter!
It was hilarious at the beginning (the convo about breaking people's noses and the quote from Madagascar! love it!) and then suspenseful at the end!
Am I reviewing too often?
| GrannyP chapter 10 . 10/8/2007
I wonder if the same thing that turned Carver into such an evil person also turned Joseph into an evil person?
And this is just one surprise after another! I thought that Nikole was invincible for sure.
Great job, keeping me guessing!
| GrannyP chapter 9 . 10/8/2007
I didn't see that coming with Maggie at all. What a wonderful surprise!
And Carver is starting to become human! A teacher pushed him along?... I wonder what that means... must keep reading...
| GrannyP chapter 8 . 10/8/2007
This chapter makes me love Angel more and hate Carver more. I guess I was wrong about changing Carver into a eunuch. Lol.
I love how Nikole and Angel are SO good at their jobs, but to them it's no big deal. They never hesitate. It's great.
| GrannyP chapter 7 . 10/7/2007
Another excellent chapter. I wish that I had read this while you were posted it originally. Then I would have been able to make guesses about what is going to happen next.
Like right now, I would be guessing that Angel is leaving to go starting "Changing Carver" as the title implies. Perhaps changing him into a eunuch, which is what I think he deserves after that scene between him and Nikole in this chapter.
| GrannyP chapter 6 . 10/7/2007
Excellently written chapter. I love the relationship that is developing between Angel and Nikole.
| GrannyP chapter 4 . 10/6/2007
Okay, these guys are just evil now. Snake in the bed. Ew. That's the worst thing that could have happened.
In response to your grammar/spelling requests:
-For crying out loud, Nik, you are the most well liked nicest person I know." Suzanne remarked.
Consider: For crying out loud, Nik, you are the most well-liked, nicest person I know." Suzanne remarked.
-Carver watched Kevyn led a drunken girl back to a room.
Consider: Carver watched Kevyn lead a drunken girl back to a room.
Or: Carver watched as Kevyn led a drunken girl back to a room.
-Then a man who had the tall, dark, and handsome thing down pat walked threw the door.
Consider: through instead of threw
-"Honey, let's how the kiddies how to really dance." He said.
Consider: show instead of how
-"Go ahead and say it. Like I care what you say about my parents. Look at you three were raised in proper homes and look how you turned out."
Consider: the third sentence seems awkward. Maybe just "You three were raised in proper homes and look how you turned out." I'm not sure.. ? Maybe I'm not reading it right...
That's all! The story is great by the way! After a snake in the bed, there is no way I can just walk away from this...
| GrannyP chapter 1 . 10/6/2007
I saw several of your reviews on other people's stories, which made me interested in your own stories. You recommended this one, so I am reading it first. So far, chapter 1 looks good to me. (The person who reviewed it just before me pointed out some of the technical stuff I noted, so I won't put those in here).
I think that your use of dialog is excellent in this chapter, and I'm usually not one for dialog. You pull it off, and I admire you for that!
Great job, and I will finish reading this now that you have gotten my attention.
| Kindre Turnany chapter 1 . 10/4/2007
You suggested this one, so I'm giving it a try!
"physical attributes" is a bit of a distant way to describe someone's appearance. It would sound better (and take up more space) if you just included details on hair perfect his hair, eyes, jawline, w/e and etc. are.
You have "I said slowly" in the third paragraph. I think it's supposed to be "he."
I like Nikole. She's frickin' cool.
I think you could include more details about what's going on, the character's expressions, and other stuff to sort of spread out the dialog a bit more.
"She had no complaints expect the flowery bed sheets and the pink walls and the feeling that she was being watched." I think it should be "except" instead of "expect."
Wow, those are some hardcore presents.
I think you should have revealed the special agent bits later in the story, just to make it more surprising.
I think this is pretty interesting, but I really don't have time to read much online, so I probably won't continue reading it.
| Luny Loona chapter 1 . 10/3/2007
...'"Can you talk?" I said slowly.'...Why's 'I' in here? Isn't this story in third person?
...'Nola is going to complain because you're the woman who 'stole' (she did the air quotations) away from her."'...Stole what away?
HAHA, Raguel's apartment burnt down. It's just so random it's funny :]
Yup, I took your recommendation and read the story. It's great so far!
| sdavis2k chapter 1 . 10/1/2007
Interesting chapter, so far I actually like the character of Carver best.
| Adela Sin chapter 1 . 9/26/2007
Ooh, looks to be very promising! _
You had quite a few works so I checked to see which one you seemed most proud of, and here I am. Very nice, I'm definitely going to continue.
| only pretending chapter 15 . 9/24/2007
Expect the unexpected? Uh oh.
| only pretending chapter 14 . 9/24/2007
Oh Carver should be punished.
| only pretending chapter 13 . 9/24/2007
Nikole has absolutely no luck at all. Poor thing.