whooa! that was good you've got to continue! i like harley! is lena really pretty? that is obvious, nvm. please update soon!

I liked it alot. Everything is happeneing so fast, but I like that. WEll, I didn;t expect the harley bit, thought it would be Blaze, good trick. YOu better update, I might have to get violent if you don't.'

~Cassy~

hey, this is really cool. update soon, ok? (sorry its not a longer review, I'm really tired :p)

sexy guys wear eyeliner..*drool* harley..*goes off to emo land*

Clearly you have not read the FictionPress guidelines or are so pretentious that you believe they do not apply to you, because they state that all stories must be checked for spelling and grammar, and so far you have displayed all the skills in these two areas of a flatulent llama.

That aside, lines such as 'my bestest friend ever', 'His eyes bulged, "fuck" he moaned as he slid down to the fetal position', and 'I was shocked to notice that his eyes weren't brown' only add to the inane, choppy tone. (What in the name of small marine creatures around the world is an emo?)

And since you are presumably not writing a script and you already implied that you are writing about a previous time, it is very unnecessary to write a cue for 'flashback' and 'back to the present'. Many writers use italics in these cases which is cheesy, but at the very least it doesn't make the story resemble the script for Plan 10 from Outer Space.

Ack, may the force be with you.