This is amazing! I am going to add this to my C2!

Best Wishes!

To tell you the truth, this wasn't very good. You have potential... but are still an amateur. There were some grammatical errors, but then again, your 'poetic license' comes into play, so I shan't complain about that. The repetition actually ruined this piece. Did you wish for it to be symbolic or an epic? It's slightly confusing... for an epic can be symbolic and still have a rhyme scheme. I can understand if this was free verse and is just... there. However, in my opinion it had few strengths and many weaknesses.

I bid you good luck, however. Try harder; think about what you want to write.