|Reviews for Crimson Tears|
| Lyssa Wolf chapter 2 . 6/16/2007
I have to commend you on pulling me in. It grabs your attention immediately. you do have some basic grammar problems. My tip is: Read the story out loud to yourself. If it sounds off, feel free to tweak it. It just happens to be one of the many perks of being the author. )
The Flashbacks: We as readers should be able to tell when we're reading a flash back, so you don't need title for them. Also, ask yourself "Do they need to know this information at this time or will it fit better in another chapter?" Try to put some substance in them that will help you too.
Other than that, I though the story was interesting. I'd like to know why Kristen's father seems to hate her so. I guess that means I'll have to keep reading. Keep going. Writers are aloud to make mistakes. That's why there are backspace buttons on keyboards and erasers on pencils. I Can't wait to see your next chapters!
| The Mumbling Sage chapter 2 . 4/22/2007
'was the first words'- well firstly, WERE the first words, and also the passive tense doens't work very well.
For some miracel, her father didn't harm Kristen...he didn't hurt you did he?- Um, no. Obviously Brad doesn't necessarily know that, but the two sentances were presented to the reader very close togeather.
Also, very short flashback.
Y'know, you could just go straight into italics. We'll proably be able to figure it's a flashback.
| Rio's Desire chapter 5 . 2/28/2007
E! Can't wait till next chapter to know what is going on! But Where did that Alex guy come from? And were they at school or somethin when he approached them?
| Rio's Desire chapter 4 . 2/23/2007
Whoa creepy boy at the bottom of the stairs...ITS THE KID FROM THE GRUDGE! And he's got a grudge!
| Rio's Desire chapter 3 . 2/21/2007
Damn you! You can't leave us readers hangin like this! Cmon...you have got to update this within the week...please?
| Hayley chapter 3 . 2/20/2007
its gud but i cant follow it..theres 2 many loose ends :} but im stupid it probablly makes sense :) or is it supposed 2 be like dat...im confused!
| hayley chapter 2 . 2/19/2007
its really gud but u better hurry up nd write de next chapter,im dyin 2 c wot happins
| Rio's Desire chapter 2 . 2/18/2007
Hmm interesting...I don't see why the father hates her so much though, you'll have to explain that. Even if he is sexist. Did the father kill the mother? And why don't her brothers do anything to protect her? Are they afraid? Update soon.
| The Mumbling Sage chapter 1 . 2/18/2007
Looks interesting. So the man hates his daughter because she's a threat to him? Now I'm curious.
A few things I noticed in this stort section:
You have a passion for adverbs that needs to be curbed, like junk food. Watch all words that end with 'ly'
Also, when a character speaks and another character reacts to their words, the second character's reaction should go in a second paragraph. I always forget that and my sister chews me out for it, so I thought I'd pass it on.