Reviews for Immortally A Princess, Ruler Of The Dead
Steph chapter 5 . 2/6/2009
i enjoyed your story!

but grammar and spelling!
PenelopePotter chapter 16 . 6/19/2008
Oh my god, I actually cried! I hate you, stop killing people! Geez, bloody murderer. Anyways, great story, I really loved how it's written. Keep writing!
Mazer chapter 16 . 8/22/2007
"So the question is… Is it better to have love, pain, and fear or nothing at all?"

Oh wow. what a way to end it. I'm seriously in love with that quote. You're an amazing writer, I loved this story. I felt so bad for Mark though, losing Ashton and thinking he lost Chloe. You have so much talent, keep it up.
Mazer chapter 15 . 8/22/2007
Once again-amazing. I love the fourth paragraph, describing Ashton and how he looked and stood. It really gave me a mental image of him. When I got to the end, I almost cried:[ Not Ashton! It's so sad...but I suppose necessary...aww.
Mazer chapter 5 . 8/22/2007
Ah this is great! I like the way you describe the characters, especially Piper. From the first sentence about her I absolutely LOATHED her, haha. Still seems a bit rushed, though, but other than that-great!
Mazer chapter 1 . 8/21/2007
Wow, this is an amazing start. Your style of writing is developed, and I love the whole alter ego thing. It makes it so entertaining:] The only thing that I recommend on looking at is when the guy tells her he's a vampire. It seems a bit rushed, you could always go into more detail about the store they'd entered.
Rachel chapter 16 . 6/13/2007
omg! i so hate u rite now! lol do u have ne idea how hard it is to try and stare at a computer screen while wiping tears and eye liner off ur face! lol but the story is rele good i cant wait to read the sequal neways i love ur writing style i just have to remember to not start reading until u've compleyed the story lol jk neways ive rambled enough toodles
viki-violet chapter 16 . 6/12/2007
this story is great i can't believe it is over i can't wait till the sequel. keep up the good work and writing.
little fox demon chapter 16 . 6/12/2007
that was a really sad ending but it was cleverly put together

will the new series be a romance? i wish i could join ur conjoint thing but i have way too much on plate and im still learning writing technics (like spelling apparently)
Mosaic Stains chapter 15 . 5/25/2007
Alright, I know it took me some time to finally give you this review. I've just been busy with my personal life; sorry about that.

Now onto the review:

Before I begin, I just want to let you know, that I did read this until the very end, and was going to review you one chapter at a time. Instead, I found it would be much easier if I just review you for the whole story and try not to make the review story long in length- as I found I had similar thoughts for almost every chapter. Not to mention I was afraid I wouldn't the chance to finish reviewing you for all the chapters. Mistakenly, I've done this one to many times.


Okay... I found the story to be... more leaning towards the supernatural. Vampires. Werewolves. Dark Angels. Demons. All of which are supernatural characters. Unless you have some reason why you put it under fantasy.

The plot was quite in tact, but I think needed a little brushing up on from narration movements.

For instance, where you have she is the narrating in first person. Although it was good, there were certain parts where the story would have come off more comfortable with thrid person narration. Parts especially where her step-brothers enter and her world is changed upside down.

This brings me to the story line and it's descriptions. I like the way you portray things. You write descriptive and capturing in a different sense from how everyone else does. But I got the feeling that you were trying to write the story at the same pace your mind was bringing the ideas. As if you didn't want to forget what you were writing.

Usually when this happens a good plot can turn sour. I know from experience. I've written and rewritten my full story seven times (this is not including the times I've written it over on paper, bad I know). The lesson I've learned is when you have to force yourself to take your time. It's like seeing the light at the end of the freeway tunnel, which is a big fear for you, and having no choice but to drive cautiously towards it.

I mean that this was neccesarily true for you. Except it was the feeling I got while readin the story. Take for example she is bitten by a vampire in the first chapter, by the second she is confused- naturally befitting- and finds out her world isn't what she thought it to be and is more evolved than she thinks it is. By the third she is thrown into the setting of the underworld. I think there should have been some time elapsed into the picture. Like she starts showing symptoms of being bitten, then her step-brothers notice. She finds her body is going through an odd transformation and she can see things differently. Almost like she can see the other worldly creatures but isn't quite sure.

I could keep going on, but I don't want to bore you, upset you or overly advise you with ideas.

So, anyways, what I think is you story is good the plot and descriptions. the descriptions mainly are solid, whereas the plot and characterization are a bit slippery. You just need to regroup the ideas of the story better. I hope I don't sound judgemental or impolite, I'm only trying to be honest and helpful to some extent.

Well, hope you finish this if not for your reviewers but for your self


Oh, sorry about any mistakes in the review, I'm kind of in a rush.
President chapter 1 . 5/10/2007
Good start! Very interesting and intriguing.:)
Samara Serelle chapter 15 . 4/30/2007
That was adorable! Chloe loves Ashton, I knew she'd realize it sometime. Can't wait for more! I'm curious about what happens next!

little fox demon chapter 15 . 4/30/2007
yikes dnt tell me that the ending!
The Ferrett chapter 5 . 4/25/2007
It's still good but I feel like the guy half hanging out of the door of thne car - merely being dragged along. So I'm sorry to say, this is where my reviews stop. Sorry. ::))
The Ferrett chapter 2 . 4/25/2007
Skip curiouser and curiouser - this is just utter madness. The evil child in me says - I LIKE.
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