|Reviews for Pressure|
| lightningandstorms chapter 1 . 3/15/2012
Well done! Teaching people out there to stick up for themselves! Great:-)
| Albino Badger chapter 1 . 11/29/2008
Heehee, sad but true... I really like the way you wrote it!
It reminds me of myself, only I was kinda... abducted after a while by a clinque... And hurrah for the peer pressure that followed once you're actually in -_-;
| moongazer7 chapter 1 . 9/14/2008
I like it, and I disagree. Yes, most popular or semipopular people are mean and snobby gits, but there is a few rare ones, that are not.
| seventhchords chapter 1 . 3/15/2007
I thought that this was pretty good in portraying how harsh society can be sometimes, even from a third-grader's perspective. Looking forward to more from you.
| Solemn Coyote chapter 1 . 3/1/2007
Thanks for your review, and for offering to submit to Stop the Press. Sooner is better than later, but I understand being busy. Heck, I'm not going to see the inside of my dorm for another fourteen hours. So, good luck with your oboe auditions, and here's a review.
1) Very nice analysis. While I'm not sure I agree that children are a pristine example of human behavior (there's a lot they pick up on subliminally,) you're definitely right about the way the popular and the outcasts work. It's weird, but I've never heard of the outcasts banding together. Not once.
2)"Now picture a wounded gazelle on the Serengeti Plain, surrounded by sleek tigers who can practically smell the fear in her eyes." A couple've the other descriptions in this paragraph felt too drawn out ('faint yellowish tint of false security'), but this one was very well done. Good use of synasthesia.
3)"Somehow, by a display of divine intervention," Lose the 'somehow', since your explanation is the divine intervention.
4)"Fighting back the waterworks that I knew would ensue," I guess it's a little weird to use a really complex vocabulary to describe a third grade memory, but I also kinda like the idea.
5) The gap between Mrs. Mendelssohn's and your perspectives makes for a good contrast.
6) While it can be a little too formal at times (happens to the best of essays), what you have here is good. Personal essays don't really need a solid, wrap-everything-up conclusion. They're mostly about evoking a response from the reader, and you certainly did that.
| Kaggr chapter 1 . 2/21/2007
It was really good! Some suggestions:
Some of your paragraphs were reeally long, and could probably have been split up into a few smaller ones. Especially the fourth one.
"I played musical chairs until finally I ended up right back where I had started." For a few moments I thought you meant right back where you'd started to sit. I would add something like "right back where I had started-at the end of the table by the icky boys" or something to that effect. And I'm a bit confused. At the end, you mentioned how you'd been "welcomed into the family", but groups seemed to have already formed...so was it a new school that happened to have groups already, were you a new person into that school, or were you coming from a different school then all that they'd been in...? I guess I'm also confused because the school's I'm at are K-5, 6-8, and then high school...mar. Whatever. Hopefully you'll get what I mean. ;)