|Reviews for An Essay To The World|
| Naruke chapter 1 . 3/23/2007
Utterly brilliant. Simple, but it carries. I feel the same way too, and I think it's about time that Americans stop focusing on the rifts between us and work together to mend those gaps in society, and be Americans.
Ah, like I said, that was absolutely brilliant.
| Ironic Presence chapter 1 . 3/3/2007
As I was reading this, I realized that what John Donne said was true: "No man is an island." Americans, and not just Americans, but almost everyone, has been tainted with the idea that what is best for oneself is all that matters. With this concept, the world has disintegrated. I wholeheartedly agree with you, and I have come to same conclusions myself. Though we may all be different individuals, we are spiritually one, because we all share the same dignity. Some may say this idea is a fantasy, and that saying there is no difference in the dignity of each man is only a veil of ignorance, but if you point to the world, that train of thought falls short. Men are not islands-we mustn't be selfish. We can help this world one person at a time, even if it is just in the smallest way.
Now, as for the writing of this essay itself. Nearly flawless, I think, save the second paragraph, in the "And as the distance...held the world together" sentence. It seemed somewhat rough and hard to follow (at least it was for me). I would fix it up a little if I were you. But considering that that is all I have to say negatively, it is excellent. I hope you continue writing.
| Princess Scheherazade chapter 1 . 2/28/2007
You're voice has been heard, at least to this girl sitting up north in Canada. Yes, the USA does need to improve, as do most of our nations. This essay is the voice of truth. Thank you for writing this.
Yes, one life at a time. That's all we need.
| Snip2r chapter 1 . 2/22/2007
What it means to be not a citizen, but a member of a country. Where is that wonderful spirit we had when we first reached independence, when we reached our golden age. When did nations lose their people. But most importantly:
How do we get it back.
The world does need an ideology revolution. The consumerism ideology is now showing the path of destruction that it is carrying. I do not speak from a point of view of America, but on a view from a different country, suffering the same problems. Indonesia. I have been thinking of doing the same thing as you in awhile. Though maybe I'm a bit more extreme than you are, but then again that could be my muslim blood *grin*.
I suggest you focus on honor, respect, and compassion first. Everything else tend to follow. I wish you luck on your long and difficult quest. I just want to say, you're not alone.
From the other side of the World
Emir Habir AKA Snip2r
PS: Somehow people who watch anime seems more...deep. Maybe I'm trying to make myself feel better. I don't know. *grin*
| burning in effigy chapter 1 . 2/22/2007
a brilliant essay in my opinion. maybe i've been reading too much poetry, but something about this essay seems almost lyrical and it flows so well and i like the style of writing you use
"Uncertainty becomes our national anthem as respect is replaced with self-righteous indignation." excellent point
"Hope, happiness, love, joy, are becoming more and more precious commodities." by looking at fp as an example of the world (i believe the word is microcosm?), and reading the many poems, stories, etc., i wholeheartily agree that people are rarely happy, and when they are, the happiness is usually caused by material things and not things that were once deemed as 'happiness' like helping others, doing something for your community, etc. and many people forget the simple things in life that make life worthwhile.
i do believe that you took one stance and expanded on the idea, making somethings more intense than the should be, but i find that in doing this, you've made your point clearer, making it more definitive and strong
also, some of your adjective lists are a little too long (to me, anyways) and i feel that you could shorten those sentences, leaving only the most important descriptive words
i love the conclusion, the last line; very strong and closes this essay perfectly.
| justaguy chapter 1 . 2/22/2007
Awesome essay. I am blown away by you. You are incredible. Always, my friend. I wish that I could write like you. I just wish that my pen would say what yours says. I try and it will not come out of me. I am in the shadow, when it comes to you and what you write.