Reviews for Flameheart
King of Kings chapter 4 . 7/21/2007
The most interesting chapter so far, considering Caine has been my favorite character so far. He may not be completely original, but he's an intruiging character. I feel sorry for him, about what happened. Anyway, a good chapter overall, I still can't find anything to point out. Anyway, forth character, huh? Can't wait, so post the next chapter soon. ;)
Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 4 . 7/20/2007
Ok, I can say that this is the best chapter you've got up till now. Basically, I like the way you did Caine's past and the whole human weakness issue in the flashbacks... also, I can see a certain twist here where Ares is concerned. Hopefully, you can portray his past at least as good as that of Caine's. Also, you did quite well in making Caine a neutralizing factor between Maia and Ares. Just a question here: who is the main character here, Maia or Ares? Sorry if I sound stupid here... anyway, nothing to complain about. Off for now. Bye! :)
Sixth chapter 4 . 7/19/2007
Honestly this is good! Excellent way of revealing Cain's past.
King of Kings chapter 3 . 6/27/2007
Been a while, huh? I'm glad I finally found time to read this story again, I did enjoy this chapter. I saw no mistakes...I do like Maia, and I am even more interested in her past now. As well as this the next chapter soon! ;)
Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 3 . 6/14/2007
I like Maia, but she's the main character? Wow. I thought Ares was the main character. But nice story anyway.
King of Kings chapter 2 . 6/10/2007
Wow. This is very interesting, and very well written. I don't see any glaring mistakes. Caine interests me, as does this Emissary of Death. Well done so far. ;)
Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 3 . 6/7/2007
First things first, sorry for being so late in my review. I virtually got smashed by the very little time I have online of late. Anyway, I do think that this chapter's rather well done. The past of Maia seems very real. Just two CCs here: One is concerning Maia's mother. Saying frankly, I do think that given the background settings, her outlook to life seems a bit off-the-reality to me. If you're living in a slum area where all the rules goes is only like "the strong preying on the weak" kind, then honestly speaking, I think your sanity will flip one way or another. Remember the book of Job in the Bible? That being said though, I'm not demanding you to change the whole thing. Rather, I will prefer to see what kind of twist is there in this area. i.e. What actually led her to her current outlook to life. Another thing is that I found out that you gave quite a lot of attention to Maia's past and Caine virtually was a passenger in this area. All you did is to briefly narrate what he has gone through without giving any real focus on it. Be careful with that because you may end up having the reader being apathetic towards him. Same goes for other characters that will appear. Basically, this is also one area that I'm trying to work on for my stories. Also, I'm confused about on whom will the story centre on... there will definitely be one character where the story will centre on. i.e. the no 1 main character. Apart from that, nothing much to comment except just one question: When will Caine shapeshift into a wolf? And yeah, also one more thing: is that mysterious dude Ares?
Sixth chapter 3 . 6/3/2007
Somehow, I feel you have a voice of historian mingled in this fantasy :) It's thick with something that's deeper. A very engaging story~
Greenery chapter 3 . 6/1/2007
Excellent. Your description is quite good and your grammar is very clean. The only problem I ran across:

“Regretfully Master Caine, I have seen" - always, always, ALWAYS put a common before a person's name when they are being addressed. I'm sure you know this, but I saw it repeated once or twice.

Other than that, your story awesome.
Jonathan Moriarty chapter 3 . 5/30/2007
Elo! How are you doing there? :D

Well, first off, I'm glad you finally updated! It's been a long time... I do hope the next one will be right around the corner so I'll be able to continue reading what comes next. Frankly, this chapter I think has just gotten me addicted to your story. Haha. You write very well and your style is one that I enjoy reading.

The retelling of Maia's memories with her mom was very well done... very sad though, about what happened to them. Hm, so what's her mom's work?

I haven't actually formed a solid opinion on Maia as of yet, but you should'nt fret on how she is currently perceived. You only have a couple of chapters, so there's still a lot of room to expand on her and for your readers to really get to know who she is and what she's all about, and become fond of her as the story progresses...

For the mean time, just to let you know, I have no problems with her - I like her! - and of course, her past - I'd like to know more about her past. Even Caine.

Now, I wonder who this newcomer is? Will he be joining them in their journey?

Update soon!
Sine Die chapter 2 . 4/20/2007
Both of your chapters are interesting. The vocabulary choices are good as well. I like you plot thus far be sure to continue writing. As far as grammar/spelling mistakes the only I saw in the two chapters was "contempously" and a few words like eyebags and shortsword which should be spaced in between. Overall it is good so far. Your review helped thanks!

Greenery chapter 2 . 4/19/2007
Very fantastical, whatever I mean by that. The word works. :) In any case, it's great so far. I saw no obvious grammar mistakes, though in truth the story distracted me from looking for any. Your use of vocabularly is sleek, and dialogue is excellent and believable. I'll be looking forward to the next chapter.
Jonathan Moriarty chapter 2 . 4/11/2007
...behemoths, imps, werewolves, and fiends... oh my! I loved the opening scene of this first chapter. And the demon language was a nice touch too.

Just a weird thought: if the behemoths did rape Maia, she'd probably end up dead. Hehe.

Oh, so Deathscrye isn't the name of a spell... It is much worse! He must be very important to the story for him to warrant the title of your book. The names here remind me of DOTA (Defense of the Ancients) for some reason. Hehe. Lucifer, Abaddon... Anyways, I think you pull off Maia's emotional side very well, even though you said you weren't good at it, but you did great.

There's something about this chapter that makes me want to read more. So write more, and do continue.

I found some problems with this though... (Very minor, so don't mind it as much)

"To kill you would be most bothersome, resulting in a whole lot of bureaucratic bullshit which would waste all our times.”

I don't know... I guess I find it awkward that this emissary of would use such language; "bullshit" just doesn't fit in with a fantasy world to me, it sounds too modern... But of course, this is your world, not mine... :D

Well, that's it. Again great writing! When will the next chapter be up!
Jonathan Moriarty chapter 1 . 4/11/2007
Elo, anti-climax!

Well first off, I'm so SAD to hear you have discontinued Crimson. A lot of hardwork there, and you already had 23 chapters, though I was never able to read through many of them... Anyway, I hope you'll be able to finish this new version! It sounds amazing! All my best regards!

Now that that's out of the way...

Deathscrye's prologue is very different from Crimson, I like this one better, by the way. I wonder why you didn't opt for the full blown "history" prologue? but again, this amalgamation of the main story and the "history" was good for me. But it felt like two prologues to though, especially with the flashback part. Hm, is the word "Deathscrye" supposed to describe as spell that can be cast?

And is "homme" pronounced like hom or ohm? Just wondering...

And of course, you made good use of parts of your previous prologue in Crimson... I of course mean the introduction of the Five Races. Maia's exposition gave it (the five races) much more emphasis, which I think works better here.

Oh yeah, I was wondering again. Did you use the word "anti-climax" there deliberately, you know like leaving your mark in the story, or was it a total coincidence. Cleverly done either way, I might say.

And in response to your notes at the end, you know me! I'm one of those who are fond of pretty heroines! So no problem here...

By the way, sorry this took so long to arrive. :D And thanks for all your reviews!

Oh, generally speaking, the story of Deathscrye is already starting out as an epic. It's just so like an epic. The details, the races, the creatures, the ideas presented... everything is written perfectly!

Great Work!:D

Expect me to read more soon...
Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 2 . 4/9/2007
Fantastic chapter, dude. Just a question, though. When's Ares going to make an appearance?
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