Reviews for Flameheart
King of Kings chapter 18 . 8/9/2009
Bit of a cliffe there, eh?

My assumption would be Jerich - or should I say Greed? - for the one behind the whole apparent senate-conspiracy, but who knows? Maybe he isn't the only senator with a hidden agenda a little more sinister than simple avarice.

I do find it interesting that the three demonkin seem to despise each other so much. No love lost there. I wonder if there will be (another) epic confrontation in the future? ;)

Can't wait for the update! XD
The Five chapter 1 . 8/8/2009
Nice opening chapter! The action at the beginning was great, and the ending cliffie equally so. In particular, the last sentence had a nice ring to it.

Definitely going to read more of this story.
Tawny Owl chapter 18 . 8/6/2009
Ah – intrigue. Have we met the senator already? I suspect we may have done. My first thought is still Jerich… I also like the fact that there is still a shadow of doubt over Elyanna’s true identity. I’m looking forward to that being resolved.

And falling in love with the enemy? Are there some possible parallels between her and Atelier. Although you did say that you enjoyed a good love story!

And considering the last two chapters have been two girls sat about in a cell talking they’ve still been interesting. I think it’s the intrigue of the politics and the fact that you keep the dialogue moving. It doesn’t get bogged down in angst and description. I’m not so sure about Maia, but Elyanna’s dispiritedness at her situation is conveyed without her degenerating into wallowing.

I think as long as Maia has something to keep her interested and make her think she’ll be able to hang in there.

Interesting that they’ve both ended up in the same cell as well….Can’t help thinking that’s not an accident. And a teasing cliff hanger as well.

The second part of the chapter seemed strange. Part of me liked the way you spliced Elyanna’s story with Maia’s observations. And the story was straight to the point so it had an impact without getting too soppy and involved. The break between Elyanna talking and then being asleep seemed like a bit of a jolt though.

Appearance and stats are all good, but in the interests of anarchy I think your character profiles should include at least one random thing about them. Like their most embarrassing habit, or preferred way to spend a Sunday afternoon.
Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 18 . 8/5/2009
Ha ha! No problem!

Nice, chapter, as usual. I like the emotional stuff where Elyanna was forced to kill Eli, and the deep conspiracy behind the senate of the Daim. It's all so intriguing and deep, it draws me in like a moth to light.

I look forward to the next chapter!
Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 18 . 8/5/2009
Well, I really feel like going nutcase on you for missing out Caine and Ares, but I guess I can stop doing that now lol! :D With that being said though, I'll really like it if you can actually do some focus on Caine and Elias. I do think that they can actually have an equal impact on the plot with Ares and Maia should you actually attempt a good try to focus on them. It's like so far, I don't know anything much about them.

In fact I think you've given Maia too much exposure. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I think you should realocate some of the focus to other vital characters. :) As for Elyanna, I do think that she's the character with the highest potential to develope and explore here. It's like compared to the other character even Maia, her past and struggles actually have a higher impact. I'll be looking forward to see what you can do about it. In fact I'll be applauding if you can actually pull of the stunt of using her past as a means to develope her. And I'm not saying this because she's a ranger for your info.

Anyway, it seems that the Arcatraz arc may be ending real soon. A good choice if so since I don't think a standard reader can actually go through a lengthy dungeon stay scene here unless he's a fan of A Song of Ice and Fire. :S And I'll be interested to see how Elyanna will get bailed out since I believe you really plan to do this.

And I smell some subtle politic stunt behind Maia's capture here especially if Caine and Ares will be seen with Elias. Subtle front to bluff the hardliners within the Daim? I think it can be more likely than what one thinks otherwise. :D And I believe the end of Atelier has been done right now in terms of canon timeline. :)

And yes, Tiamat is a female name for a goddess in Babylonian mythos. And DnD also got the name as well. :S But for some weird reason, I feel that it can actually be used as an androgynous name. ;)

P.S: For the planned story you've mentioned here, I think it will be better if you can actually do it in a form of fantasy parody humour based on you WoW experience while inputing MMO humour without the whole thing getting over the top too much. As for should it be a one shot or not, well I think that one-shot is the easy way out, but if you can do an ongoing story on it, I think it will have a better effect on the readers. :)
Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 17 . 7/21/2009
I'm back! Finally!

Great story, man! Absolutely awesome! It's really impressive how you managed to contrive and weave this tale together. And I look forward to the RPG profiles of your characters. They look fun.

And I know Elyanna (even guessed that it was her since the beginning of the chapter). She's the Queen of Aesir or something like that. When you mentioned Maia would meet her, she was the first thing that popped into my mind when I saw Aesir woman.

By the way, what happened to your blog? I got banned from it! T_T WHY? What happened? Well, it's your choice to select which readers read your blog, so to be honest, it doesn't bother me, but I was surprised when I couldn't access it one day.
King of Kings chapter 17 . 7/13/2009
Interesting turn of events. So they imprisoned her, and in Arcatraz, no less? 'That' hardly seems right. And I wonder what happened to Caine and Ares...

The Aesir, Elyanna, seems quite intriguing. I look forward to hearing her tale.

Towards the end of the chapter, though, I noticed the POV suddenly shifted to first person for a couple paragraphs. It threw me for a loop for a moment.

Nonetheless, great chapter! XD
Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 17 . 7/12/2009
Why do I have this weird idea that Atelier will be thrown into the fray in this arc as well? Must be Arcatraz I guess. :S Anyway, glad to see that you've finally popped in the Ranger character albeit I was hopin for the she to be a he partially because imo the female presence is a bit too strong here in terms of numbers. :S

All in all, I guess this could be termed as a transitional chapter since I don't really find any importance in this chapter plot wise. Wonder what warranted the back stabbing aspect in this chapter here though. However, if my vague guess that Greed has assumed power in the Daim rule, then things should be pretty much a no-brainer although I do have to consider the factor of that Crown Prince. (Forgotten his name though. Need to read back I guess. :S)

Wonder what has happened to Caine and Ares as well. Maybe that could be a case of shit happening for all I know. To be very frank though, I'm slightly disappointed to see that here is no hinting on the Transcend being. On a personal front, I would want to have crack at seeing something about that. On a neutral basis though, I know this will be one major whammy of the plot that you're not prepared to give away yet. I'll suggest something here though. Basically, you can create some random scene to present a subtle hint on the whole Transcend Being issue. It maybe a vision. It maybe a flashback. Try to do something that will increase the reader hunger to know more about this aspect of the plot without giving any crucial hints. I know this story is plot based, but I think you should strike the iron while it's hot since if you let the whole thing stew too long, chances are that the reader will fail to keep track on the whole thing in the far run. Basically this is also a problem for me in planning my stories' plot as well, so I know what I'm talking about. ;)

Man I've said so much for now. Anyway, I'll be planning to write up a new chapter of The Eternal Grail since I've more or less got that chapter planned. And as for character profile, I'll suggest that if you want to do it, go ahead. Just don't try to stretch it too long. If not, then you might want to reserve a chapter for that part. I'm not too sure about putting that stuff in the profile like what some people here did since no one actually will be serious in reading the profile plus the possible factor of the length. :S
Tawny Owl chapter 17 . 7/10/2009
I'm so glad you updated this.

I liked the fact that the first sense to come back was touch - it made it more tactile.

And we finally get to see the sky prison - although that's not a good thing for Maia.

It was almost funny that she started off quoting diplomatic immunity and then descended into calling Elias a *astard. It really illustrated her growing frustration. The isolation was well captured as well - espeacially with the voice she hears speaking a different language.

The writing style in this chapter seems to have a much steadier pace than the others, which added to the tedium (Maia's at being imprisoned, not mine reading it!)

Although if I'm honest I did skip bits of maia's recap story. Although the Aesir woman was really interesting. The only time she really displayed any emotion was at the mention of the doctor. She seemed very calm, but I think that was because she was floating on this deep sadness. I had forgotten about the ranger, but I suspect she may be the woman they mentioned who I orinally thought was Atelier. I'll have to check again.

Sulking becasue I didn't get to see Cain and Ares though.

The character profiles could be fun. What sort of things are you planning to put in them?
King of Kings chapter 15 . 6/9/2009
Seems the truth has finally emerged. Awesome action this chapter; the shadow-whip and the shield which repelled the bullets Lucifer employed were cool, not to mention Ares's variety of fire-attacks. XD An epic showdown!

I wonder, though, who is this mysterious 'her'? An old acquaintance of Ares, or perhaps his mother? There appears to be more shadows than Lucifer in Ares's past.

I thought Jerich was suspicious, but I would have never guessed he was a Sin. :O

Overall, an immensely enjoyable chapter. Personally, I think it's one of your best. I am quite eager to see how this all transpires from here on out! ;)
Night Innocence chapter 16 . 5/15/2009
That was amazing!

Probably the best fantasy stories I've read and I love how it has magic, court intrigue and just about everything that's needed in a fantasy novel.

Trancend Being... wonder what that is

Hope you update soon! ]
Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 16 . 5/13/2009
Okay, finally reached here. To be honest I really find it a miracle that my brain can last till now given my current bout of flu. x.x

Anyway interesting chapter here with Ares going batshit guano loco. I truly wonder if you'll be planning any middle ground on this aspect of the plot. And the ending scene just screams awesomeness to be frank. I truly wonder what is exactly a Transcend Being and how the whole thing came about.

Anyway I can see an interesting insight on Elias' character development here. To be very frank I'll be curious to know more about him from his own view. Ditto for Caine as well since all the while, focus has been on Maia and to a lesser extent, Ares. Which led me to suggest that maybe you can try splitting the plot into the different views of your vital characters instead of the two main ones.

Anyway, I've got this odd feeling that Ares will die in the end after seeing your profile. Hopefully not, but then again who knows? :S

And will that ranger chick of yours appear next? I do think the two characters in your side-story will appear pretty soon though. :)

And yeah, now that you've made it known in the A/N here, I do find Maia to be an Anakin a la the Star Wars prequel movies in a certain sense. i.e an emo. Okay, maybe Maia's only counted as a semi-emo lol! :D Sorry if you got pissed here by my statements. I know Maia isn't one. It's just a bad joke coming out of my dead brain atm. :S

Anyway I'm starting on a new Atheran chapter now. Hopefully I can get it up by the next few days given my sucky illness. :S
Tawny Owl chapter 16 . 5/9/2009
I don't think Maia was that much of a cry baby, and in her defense you did keep the pressure on her quite a bit. And it's a difficult position you've put her in now that she knows what her two friends are. Still, nothing like adversity for character development!

And Ares is already transformed? I was kind of hoping to see it happen, or really see how you handled it. i'm glad you mentioned the blade though because at the beginning of the chapter I was confused about why Ares had turned.

Hmm, bit suspicious that Lucifer initiated it as well...

Liked the fact he still looks like himself though; it makes it more effective, and that he can speak. Kind of like an evil twin.

That's a cruel cliff hanger though. How could you? really?

I'll keep an eye out for the next installment.
Mira James chapter 3 . 5/9/2009
Another good chapter, for some reason I liked this chapter best of the few I have read, I can’t seem to put my finger on why. I guess that it could be the presence of more of a plot, more of a description and less of a fast passed action… maybe maybe not.

Plus… The description of the leader and how he was crucified was.. Graphic… I like!

Mira James chapter 2 . 5/7/2009
I like him! Haha, he’s my type of man! She’s getting a little blubbery for me but he adds a good balance. You are good at building up anticipation! I envy that! And you seem to transition almost flawlessly between past and present… that I also envy!
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