Reviews for Flameheart
Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 7 . 11/24/2007
As usual, very nicely done. I enjoyed your story a lot. I'll look forward to the next chapter then!
Lumaris chapter 5 . 11/18/2007! I was leaned forward in my chair half the time reading this chapter! You described the battle so fluently and the transactions between three different scenes were flawless. No confusion for me - I enjoyed this chapter a lot _ The battle was horrific, awe-inspiring, heroic, and bitter all the same :O! The relationship between the trio seem to be forming rather well too - and I'm just guessing, but I think the hallucination Caine and Ares saw was Death O.o I dunno.. maybe a ghost... er I'll have to read on to find out eh _

Overall, the best chapter I've read so far! :D Can't wait to read more (so sorry it's taken me this long T_T so much happening..)

Natsuya chapter 1 . 11/15/2007
WOW. That was a nice and refreshing, should I say, read. Your writing and choice of prose bears that certain air of aristocracy that emphasises the phantasmal atmosphere of your fantasy world...I love it. The plot also seems quite interesting though I was a bit confused half-way through...that's just because it's the first chapter anyway!

Awesome! Well done, anti-climax! Maia is also quite an interesting character, but I hope they'll be more sides to her than just the Grand Magus! She could end up being an excellent protagonist. It's actually quite sad that Tidar and Isma had to die this early on in the story...Ismar we barely got to see (or read, rather) anything off, but Tidar seemed quite likeable. Him and Maia would have made a cute pair *sigh*.

Anyway, thanks for the awesome read! I will definitely add this to my favourites and continue reading. Well done!
Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 7 . 11/15/2007
Dude, FINALLY YOU'VE UPDATED! Anyway, good chapter as always. The war scenes were rather well done and so was the fighting scenes. Ares is obviously god-tiered. I don't have any doubt he could pwn Blasphemy like what he did to Jealousy... anyway, just a few CCs here: First things first, the title. You've made the title Deathscrye, but to me, it doesn't serve any relations to the story itself, which is a bummer to me since I believe that the title and plot should basically compliment each other. Maybe you should change the title unless you really intend to make Lucifer the main character in a certain sense or at least make the word "Deathscrye" and it's canon meaning an important, if not, the most vital part of this story, which I've failed to see here as of now. Also, I'll be interested to see Caine's emotional side in the future. You made him into a wise mentor of sorts, but somehow, he reminds of Gandalf in an overall sense. He seems sort of one-dimensional to me as of now due to you portraying his wisdom and past only and nothing else. Try to build up his overall emotional developments with maybe his past to work on. Also, I feel Maia's fight with Blasphemy seems a bit unconcluded to me in terms of details. I don't know if you've got a reason behind this, but I for sure hope so since to see the details of a fight getting cut off at the end really sucks... and lastly but not least, it's the war scenes. You done a good job of executing siege scenarios, but maybe you can move on to the more technical part in war scenes since IMO, siege scenes are most likely the easiest to write. And when I say technical, I mean issues like terrain fights, flank and frontal cavalry charges, fights between skirmish parties, ambush warfare within terrain by skirmishers and otherwise... you know, the basic of war tactics and how you will want to develope them according to your creativity. I especially know what I'm talking about in the final CC mainly because I'm planning to focus part of my stories on them... think about all that I've said. I'll be interested to see what you can do from there... apart from that, nothing much to say.

P.S: Due to some random Guild Wars fever gripping me, I maybe planning to do a new fic based on the game. Just don't know how I'll dfo the overall plot if I really get to write it... _
Sixth chapter 7 . 11/15/2007
*cheer for Diam* I'm giving you stars for the war scene!

Ares is still the mysterious one, eh? Though that would include the elder as well. I still don't really understand the "feud" between Maia and the Homme though and Ares... his history is somewhat fuzzy?

It's a great chapter! I like the war part best (Note: I am not a fan of watching wars, but reading is a different matter XD)
King of Kings chapter 6 . 10/6/2007
Wow. Very interesting chapter. Not much action, true, but stories can be engrossing without the assistance of action, and you do that very well. I'm assuming the final conversation between Memphisto and Belial might have been about Ares...interesting...I can't wait to find out more!

Just one thing, though: "...incapable of such range were incapable of meeting..." - that's a little repetitive. You have

'incapable' in the same sentence twice with only a few words in between. It sort of stood out, because all the rest of your writing was flawless. XD Anyway, minor thing, wonderfully written, I hope to see more soon!
Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 6 . 10/5/2007
Heya there! It's me again lol! XD Anyway, glad to see that you've updated... well, basically nothing to complain here. Good chapter as always. Wonder what will happen to Ares in the next few chapters... anyway, I'll be interested to see what Ares is capable of once he goes beserk... ;) and yeah, it really seems that Lucifer is insanely powerful from what I've seen in this chapter... anyway, getting pretty late now, so I'll end this review. Hope to see you update soon! Bye! :)
Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 6 . 10/5/2007
It is extremely interesting as usual. The thing about your story is that it doesn't need action to be interesting. The dialogue actually strengthens the storyline, giving the readers more insight and understanding of the story. So don't be too concerned with the lack of action. Just concentrate on expanding your storyline. Look forward to the next chapter!
Scooz chapter 1 . 10/4/2007
I was recommended the story by a friend, so I dropped by to check out the first chapter. I like the history element you have going so far between the 5 races, I also love it when people are not afraid to mix technology with fantasy. The inquisitive lil Daim girl, Elsie, is so adorable, lol, I love her up front attitude...and she makes a great excuse for explaining some of the history and rifts between the races in your world.

And out comes the grammar nazi real quick, lol.

"large luminous green eyes"

There shoud be a comma after large since you are listing traits, but since you don't want to put 'and' in there and green is another trait, rather than the grammatically correct 'large, luminous, and green eyes', try embellishing your descriptions like:

"She was pretty with large, luminous eyes reminiscent of (insert something with a specific green hue that you want your readers to imagine when reading)..."

I think that would be better than just listing attributes...has a more poetic ring and brings out the imagery for the reader, but this is all just personal preference.

Aside from that, you are rather descriptive, which is something I like in anything I read.

Oh! And this sentence:

“After all, was not I one of them?”

Eh, it really doesn't sound right if you say it out loud. I know you are going for a more classic way of speaking to suit your story, but you gotta watch out for this Yoda speak. I've done it before, trust me, lol.

“After all, was I not one of them?”

This sounds better to me.

Overall, it is an intruiging read so far. I will have to check out the other chapters later when I have more time.
Lumaris chapter 4 . 9/30/2007
Great chapter _ sorry it takes me so long to review.. been busy and your chapters are huge O.O (which isn't a bad thing, but I have limited time because school's started and stuff...the usual -.- ... however I honestly forgot about this for about a week and I'm so sorry :X! _ me and my stupid memory -.- curses...)

Can't find anything to criticize - I love the whole thing with Death and Ares - and I love his eyes _ and I found it interesting about Caine's teacher being named Geran'thul - I have a captain named Geran mentioned in my book just found it interesting the similarity xD

Great chapter though! I'll try to review the next chapter when I can! Wee I'll be up to date then and I'll put it on my alert list! booyakasha XD!

King of Kings chapter 5 . 9/27/2007
Sorry it's been so long since I reviewed, I've been pretty busy lately...anyway, not much errors that I could find, and I think it was an excellent long chapter. XD Hunter reminds me of Darth Vader, in a way - I am immediately interested in what part he and Aldor will play in this story. Those poor Daim, though their last stand was very heroic, I think. Also, I wonder about Ares and his intentions...and who's hunting him. I thought it was all well done. XD

Just one thing I wanted to point out, probably a typo or something: 'His master had so clearly informed me of the disasters...' Do you mean 'him' instead of 'me'? It seems you switched between first person and, yeah...

Anyway, that's all I found. Good chapter overall...this keeps getting more and more interesting...update again as soon as you can! XD
moonlit dynasty chapter 4 . 9/25/2007
About you A/N, hehe, sorry, I can't relate, I haven't read Crimson. But other than that, I love your dialogues, they're cute (sorry, I can't think of a more proper word). And the progress of this story is nice. The pacing is just right and I've no difficulty in absorbing the details.

I'll drop by soon.
Tomoyuki Tanaka chapter 5 . 9/24/2007
Actually, to be honest, it's not bad. It's very good, especially how you linked the battles, the politics and the three stooges (I mean The Troublesome Trio) together without breaking stride in your story. I feel sorry for the Daim, though. I'll look forward to more!
moonlit dynasty chapter 3 . 9/13/2007
The story is deep. I mean, the emotions are deep. You've written this well. And all the background are described neatly. Nice work!
Lumaris chapter 3 . 9/10/2007
Great chapter - I really enjoyed reading it _ the description was wonderfully vivid (so vivid I'm still trying to get the awful massacre scene out of my mind..eek!) Great vocabulary and the flashbacks really get you more attached to Maia, and an idea of her past - further understanding her personality. I love what it stands for - believing every person has good in them, that no one is born evil. I love the message - give meaningfulness to the story itself. Good job _

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