|Reviews for A Pirate's Story|
| DogDaysUnleashed chapter 5 . 9/20/2007
Well, it's sure taken me long enough to get back over here...
It's pretty hard trying to bring someone from one world and one life into another one entirely that's full of gizmos and fun things that he's never heard of before, but I think you've done a really good job of showing Cliff's transition into that new world. Too much resistance to the change is cliche, too little is suspicious, but you seem to have found a great balance.
I also like the pick up of action in this chapter. Things are starting to move, and it promises to push the reader even further along. I want to know what happens next.
No spelling or grammar mistakes, pretty much as usual.
| Emakoke chapter 5 . 8/24/2007
Wow. I liked this chapter. REALLY liked. I was sitting here reading it and just thinking how good you're getting. You definitely have a talent!
I was really caught up in the action of this chapter. The pacing was excellent, everything flowed and made it easy to read. You made me really feel for the characters, especially poor little Sprint! Poor guy. That wasn't very nice of Cliff...hey, I think him and Jouran would get on well! Shall we introduce them? xD
Is Cliff going to take Sprint with him wherever he goes?
I also found it funny how Cliff totally failed at driving the Syber. xD Oh, and the way he used the word "savvy!" Brilliant!
Overall I think you write action really well, and you characterize really well too. Cliff's character is very strong - I can see he's going to be stubborn!
Keep up with this Rachiekins. You have an awesome thing going here. More people really should read this!
| Emakoke chapter 4 . 5/15/2007
Rachie! I'm sorry it took so long for me to review this chapter. D Blame the exams! It's the exams, I tell you! _ But really, I wasn't sure what to say, because there is little wrong with this chapter at all! I love the way all your characters have imperfections, and certainly aren't all beautiful. It makes them far more likeable than perfect, good-looking characters, who just frustrate the reader.
The only thing I noticed:
“Hey, Saratkin!” Damien called from the doorway.
Who is Saratkin? I got really confused. I thought that was the name of the lady in the wheelchair, but then you referred to her as Kenji. Is it a nickname or shortening or something? Or am I being stupid and the answer is obvious? P
Anyway, good job! Keep going! And good luck with writing your script, hehe. _~
| Emakoke chapter 3 . 4/20/2007
Yay! You updated! It's perfwectly understandable that it took so long to type up. It was a pretty long chapter! And I really enjoyed it. Not once did I get bored reading it and start to skim read, which I sometimes end up doing. It had me gripped all the way through! I loved the way Cliff was so amazed by the light bulbs. It adds a great twist to your story, adding in technology which is really mundane to us, but which seems super high-tech in their world. I also thought Alex and Ryer were adorable! The way he is so monstrous, as Cliff puts it, but she still really loves him. I bet ACS was really good! It's great to see that your character aren't all young and beautiful and perfect.
I hope Ryer gets better! But then, I can never tell with you. xD
There were some really nice similies in here, might I add, and the imagery with the blade on the wall with really intriguing. I can't think of what to say for improvements. That's a very good thing! And you have done super well with your editing too, so I can't pick anything out, hehe. The faith aspect was weaved in well. It was important enough to show that faith is really important to them, but it wasn't too over the top. So good job!
Anyway, I hope you update soon Rachie! I can't wait to read more.
| DogDaysUnleashed chapter 3 . 4/20/2007
Good development of setting. The only thing that I would recommend doing is, when Alex starts telling Cliff about AWP, instead of "He then went on to tell me..." I would break it into actual dialogue. It will make things less confusing as well as provide room for expansion. Unless, of course, you have some mischievous reason of your own...
| DogDaysUnleashed chapter 2 . 3/26/2007
Great descriptions. I could imagine myself being there and experiencing everything.
As far as claiming to not know much about ship lingo, you managed to hide it pretty well.
I like the story so far-pirates, you know-and if you keep reading mine, I'll keep reading yours.
| Emakoke chapter 2 . 2/26/2007
Yay! I hyperventilated again.
You to have a lot of knowledge about ships (at least more than I do) so good job on doing your research! It made it seem very realistic. Do you have any tips? I fail miserably at research and tend to just make stuff up off the top of my head. xD
There was also lots of nice imagery, which was spiffing and built up a strong picture of the storm. For concrit I'd say that if there's a lot of action going on, you don't have to focus so much on the description because the readers just want to know what's going on. But the description was still good and very vivid!
Ahaha, Cliff has blue hair! This is so awesome. I still treasure the picture you sent me of him, you know.
I don't know if this is a typo or not but it confused me:
"and then the brawny man grabbed my arms and lifted himself up onto my back" - a brawny man lifting himself onto a wounded person's back? That's not nice. P This is probably just me being completely stupid when what you really meant is obvious. I'm tired. xD
Anyway, I can't wait to read more. I want to know who all these people are. They sound very interesting, and their names are good too - you and your names, eh? Hehe.
Sorry for the essay. That's just my style! Great chapter.
(P.S. I got your package and it was AWESOMELY FULL OF AWESOME AWESOMENESS THAT MADE ME HYPERVENTILATE EVEN MORE but that's a topic for MSN!)
| Emakoke chapter 1 . 2/25/2007
Rachie! I actually hyperventilated when I got an email saying you'd posted a story. xD And how happy I am that it is a story about PIRATES! Yarr indeed.
It is very well-written. No typos, glaring spelling errors, or bad grammar - yay! You've also really left me wanting to know more. What his story his, how his mother died, what Mandor Kareet (which is a very cool name, might I add) is...and I love the fact the narrator is the antagonist, and he admits it too. There should be more stories like that!
Anyway, I am gripped already, and that was only the prologue. xD You are an awesome writer, Rachie, and I shall be adding this to my favourite stories!