|Reviews for Smooth Move|
| kcat chapter 10 . 5/15/2009
Look, I'm sorry and it's just an opinion, but your main character is so annoying!
She started off as quirky but ok, too concerned with what people think of her and rather american-high-school-girl-ish but ok, then descended into this child-like persona. Arguing absolutely everything even(or especially) when she's wrong and has absolutely no right to, and behaving like a spoilt child when she doesn't get her way.
I know you're trying to combat the self-righteous thing, but it's still annoying.
| Foreveraschadenfreude chapter 1 . 5/14/2009
love it! superb.. excellent job:)
| WanderingLight chapter 23 . 4/21/2009
Great story. I think that you should continue writing, and working with all types of characters. That way you can branch out. This story was really entertaining. If you ever want any more help let me know. Congratulations on an amazing piece of work.
| Jollz chapter 8 . 4/19/2009
Is it me or...Wes and Rachel really don't click? Tehy seem so uncomfortable with one another! And Rachel's kinda blind thinking Caleb only wants to be a friend of hers...
And where do you pick those random facts? They really are the kind of things that are useless but they so brighten my day! Also it's a nice thing to sort out when you find yourself in an awkward silence, just as in your story...god I hate hose...ok. Sorry I talk to much.
Love your story! :)
| Jollz chapter 4 . 4/19/2009
LOL that girl really has ways to put herself in embarassing situations.
I liked this chapter. It was hilarious!
| lets imagine that chapter 23 . 4/16/2009
You have officially just been added to my favorite authors list! :)
Yeah, I think your writing is pretty freaking awesome.
Rae was so entertaining and hilarious in this story. I laughed so hard at all the funny times. Wes was adorable, and them coming together at the end was like... yay!
You should definitely think about writing more cliches/love stories, haha.
Awesome job :D
| 3DarkGoddess3 chapter 23 . 4/14/2009
Wes is so adorable. Rae is pretty entertaining and a little nuts. I really liked your story so keep up the writing.
| MakeItHappen01 chapter 1 . 4/12/2009
hey! new reader here n just 2 tell u, u r fricken hilarious! haha. btw, if u already written the chapters how come ur waiting a week b4 posting the next 1? just wondering..
| kaw97 chapter 23 . 4/5/2009
I loved this story! Really great - and kind of different from a lot of high school stories. I didn't realize you were from Maryland. I read some of your other stuff a while ago, but never caught that. I live in northern Virginia now, but still consider myself a Marylander - AND I do eat Old Bay seasoning on lots of things besides crabs - like steamed shrimp, potato chips, fries, etc. I was really craving it once when I had lobster in Maine. Way too bland with just butter on it! Only someone who grew up dousing their seafood with Old Bay would think lobster is tasteless. LOL
| AJS chapter 23 . 3/28/2009
I think I had read the first 8 chapters or this before for some reason not finishing, so for the first 8 chapters as I was rereading this, I was like yep, I have read this. But I think, if you're asking for constructive criticism and weak points of your story, the first 10 chapters of this story are your weakest. They just... drag... and are kind of boring because the romance isn't really there at all. It just seems like a narrative of Rae's life or something and Rae's personality and thoughts got kind of ridiculous/annoying too, which might be a reason why I stopped reading (I actually don't remember). I know that it would be unrealistic for Rae for the romance to start right away, since she didn't really like Wes in the beginning, but maybe you could condense it or... I don't know. However, having gotten to the end, I'm glad that I stuck with this story, because I think since chapter 14 or so, the plot really started to pick up. I'm curious as to when Wes started liking Rae as well, and why he acting so horribly to seeing her with Trevor but hardly seemed to mind about Calem. Usually, it was Calem who was upset over Wes instead.
And by the way, I love the Sarah Dessen/The Truth About Forever reference, and also the fact that Wes' name is Wes. It makes me sah-won if you know what I'm saying. :) I actually love both of their names, haha. The ending is cute, and I like the way that Rae & Wes' relationship developed, and also the way in which you really made Wes' personality fit with Rae's. Like he knew how to handle her quirkiness and clumsiness and insecurities and whatever else. I think the scene with Rae comforting her sister was a little random. I get the significance of it, to develop Rae's character and have her mature a little more, but it could have been better integrated into the story rather than just there and then forgotten. The other thing I didn't clearly understand was the letter. I mean, the letter itself was okay, but I felt like there was a gap in between Rae reading the letter and then Rae being motivated to confess her love to Wes. I didn't really see the connection - I didn't really understand what about the letter made her suddenly so secure and so confident to confess her feelings to Wes when previously, especially after the week she had just had, she was totally insecure about herself and her looks and her ability to rate up to Wes. Was it because their friendship was already flailing so she had less to lose? Was it because she realized how much she meant to Wes? (But wouldn't that be as a friend? Because honestly his last paragraph seemed more platonic than I love you kind of thing)? So yeah, I think that could have been made clearer.
I also kind of lost track of all of Rae's friends once school started. I guess it didn't really seem realistic that in the summer, she only had Izza, but then they started school and all of a sudden she was Ms. Social Butterfly or something. I know a lot of it had to do with Wes, but maybe you could have emphasized that a little more to make it more clear that many of the girls weren't actually her friends but just acquaintances drawn in by Wes' good looks. One other thing that you could have made more clear as well was maybe the impact that Wes' past had on the person he is now. Like you could maybe have Rae realizing that Wes is more introverted now because of what he went through, or he was more wary of all those girls flocking to him because of his ex. There was one other thing that I thought could be clarified, but I don't remember what it was.
All in all, cute story though. The whole Calem getting a girlfriend was a little cheesy, just because it made it seem like everyone was suddenly paired up, happily ever after, so maybe if he was just taking Marissa as his homecoming date rather than dating her officially... I don't know. If you wanted to make it less cheesy. Hm... I'm just wondering what would have happened if Rae never made the first move. I suppose Drea was right about that. Haha. Wes and Drea really didn't act like twins at all, which is weird, but I guess happens.
Anyways, cute. I'm glad it was a happy ending, because Wes & Rae make me happy. :) Good luck with your other works.
| rachel chapter 2 . 3/28/2009
haha! this is getting plain weird... not the story but the fact that i like sarah dessen and judy blume books and the fact that my name is rachel...
that is creepy! the story is really interesting by the way. i was cracking up so bad when i read that first chapter and my parents started looking at me like i had grown a second head!
this is the first story im reading on fictionpress and im really liking it. ive written so many stories that my friends read and give opinions on. they told me about fictionpress and so i was just checking out the stories one here.
well, its going really well!
| wtfwaswrongwithteenme chapter 23 . 3/25/2009
Okay that totally made me giggle like an insane school girl. It was so sweet but not so sweet in was suffocating. Rae and wes are really dense but you cent help but love them.
| wtfwaswrongwithteenme chapter 18 . 3/25/2009
Oh my I loved this chapter I died laughing. I basicaly did the same thing my first year of band camp but it involved a flute and clarinet and thankfully there was no undies to be seen. I love rae though she's so funny. I'm sad to admit that the whole first chapter bookstore incident is something I'd do which made me laugh ten times harder ecspeailly since my two best friends Agree
| grassong chapter 23 . 3/23/2009
ur stories are the best. i love the plots, the characters, and especially the ends.i love how u dont "believe" in "bad endings". ur stories make my heart break when they're over- cuz they're just so good! thanks so much! reading ur stories are DEFINITELY NOT a waste of time. THANKS! :)
| grassong chapter 4 . 3/22/2009
oh man. i love your sarcasm. it's so entertaining! i'm dying of silent laughter. hahahahaah.