|Reviews for Smooth Move|
| AJS chapter 23 . 3/28/2009
I think I had read the first 8 chapters or this before for some reason not finishing, so for the first 8 chapters as I was rereading this, I was like yep, I have read this. But I think, if you're asking for constructive criticism and weak points of your story, the first 10 chapters of this story are your weakest. They just... drag... and are kind of boring because the romance isn't really there at all. It just seems like a narrative of Rae's life or something and Rae's personality and thoughts got kind of ridiculous/annoying too, which might be a reason why I stopped reading (I actually don't remember). I know that it would be unrealistic for Rae for the romance to start right away, since she didn't really like Wes in the beginning, but maybe you could condense it or... I don't know. However, having gotten to the end, I'm glad that I stuck with this story, because I think since chapter 14 or so, the plot really started to pick up. I'm curious as to when Wes started liking Rae as well, and why he acting so horribly to seeing her with Trevor but hardly seemed to mind about Calem. Usually, it was Calem who was upset over Wes instead.
And by the way, I love the Sarah Dessen/The Truth About Forever reference, and also the fact that Wes' name is Wes. It makes me sah-won if you know what I'm saying. :) I actually love both of their names, haha. The ending is cute, and I like the way that Rae & Wes' relationship developed, and also the way in which you really made Wes' personality fit with Rae's. Like he knew how to handle her quirkiness and clumsiness and insecurities and whatever else. I think the scene with Rae comforting her sister was a little random. I get the significance of it, to develop Rae's character and have her mature a little more, but it could have been better integrated into the story rather than just there and then forgotten. The other thing I didn't clearly understand was the letter. I mean, the letter itself was okay, but I felt like there was a gap in between Rae reading the letter and then Rae being motivated to confess her love to Wes. I didn't really see the connection - I didn't really understand what about the letter made her suddenly so secure and so confident to confess her feelings to Wes when previously, especially after the week she had just had, she was totally insecure about herself and her looks and her ability to rate up to Wes. Was it because their friendship was already flailing so she had less to lose? Was it because she realized how much she meant to Wes? (But wouldn't that be as a friend? Because honestly his last paragraph seemed more platonic than I love you kind of thing)? So yeah, I think that could have been made clearer.
I also kind of lost track of all of Rae's friends once school started. I guess it didn't really seem realistic that in the summer, she only had Izza, but then they started school and all of a sudden she was Ms. Social Butterfly or something. I know a lot of it had to do with Wes, but maybe you could have emphasized that a little more to make it more clear that many of the girls weren't actually her friends but just acquaintances drawn in by Wes' good looks. One other thing that you could have made more clear as well was maybe the impact that Wes' past had on the person he is now. Like you could maybe have Rae realizing that Wes is more introverted now because of what he went through, or he was more wary of all those girls flocking to him because of his ex. There was one other thing that I thought could be clarified, but I don't remember what it was.
All in all, cute story though. The whole Calem getting a girlfriend was a little cheesy, just because it made it seem like everyone was suddenly paired up, happily ever after, so maybe if he was just taking Marissa as his homecoming date rather than dating her officially... I don't know. If you wanted to make it less cheesy. Hm... I'm just wondering what would have happened if Rae never made the first move. I suppose Drea was right about that. Haha. Wes and Drea really didn't act like twins at all, which is weird, but I guess happens.
Anyways, cute. I'm glad it was a happy ending, because Wes & Rae make me happy. :) Good luck with your other works.
| rachel chapter 2 . 3/28/2009
haha! this is getting plain weird... not the story but the fact that i like sarah dessen and judy blume books and the fact that my name is rachel...
that is creepy! the story is really interesting by the way. i was cracking up so bad when i read that first chapter and my parents started looking at me like i had grown a second head!
this is the first story im reading on fictionpress and im really liking it. ive written so many stories that my friends read and give opinions on. they told me about fictionpress and so i was just checking out the stories one here.
well, its going really well!
| Alecea Sunshine chapter 23 . 3/25/2009
Okay that totally made me giggle like an insane school girl. It was so sweet but not so sweet in was suffocating. Rae and wes are really dense but you cent help but love them.
| Alecea Sunshine chapter 18 . 3/25/2009
Oh my I loved this chapter I died laughing. I basicaly did the same thing my first year of band camp but it involved a flute and clarinet and thankfully there was no undies to be seen. I love rae though she's so funny. I'm sad to admit that the whole first chapter bookstore incident is something I'd do which made me laugh ten times harder ecspeailly since my two best friends Agree
| grassong chapter 23 . 3/23/2009
ur stories are the best. i love the plots, the characters, and especially the ends.i love how u dont "believe" in "bad endings". ur stories make my heart break when they're over- cuz they're just so good! thanks so much! reading ur stories are DEFINITELY NOT a waste of time. THANKS! :)
| grassong chapter 4 . 3/22/2009
oh man. i love your sarcasm. it's so entertaining! i'm dying of silent laughter. hahahahaah.
| secretpart chapter 1 . 3/19/2009
Wow! I so love your main character! do you have the bookstorm-atitude in common with hers? Because really, it was so beautifully written that it made it all very realistic. The Orlando Bloom comment was a complete crack up! And yes, Pride and Prejudice being liked by girls should be a law. :D
| The Perfect Verse chapter 1 . 3/17/2009
The Truth About Forever is definitely one of my favorites. I think I've read it like 8 times by now. Wuthering Heights...not so much. My friends get mad because every time I hear about it I go on a rant, haha.
But anywho, I really like this story and felt like leaving a review!
| NoMoreMonkeys chapter 23 . 3/14/2009
Haha, this story was fantastic!
| kdamu chapter 17 . 3/12/2009
i dont know why people dont like rae, because i really love her. haha. i love people like her. in fact, i find izzy's character really irritating. if she wasnt rae's best friend, i'd probably hate her as well.
| emogirrll chapter 20 . 3/3/2009
hey dude im from b-more! old bay is AWESOME!
| AnNe StRyDeR chapter 1 . 3/3/2009
gr8 story... i love the truth about forever!
| on the edge of insanity chapter 8 . 2/18/2009
...In California they actually have a chain restaurant named El Taco Bueno haha so ya... just found it funny because I was re-reading this story like two months after my California vacation and was like HEYY I ate there! Because my dad and friends dad JUST had to eat at the Good Taco haha...ya sorry for the random story
| Jaliy chapter 23 . 2/8/2009
A good read..
| AlmostCrazy chapter 23 . 1/24/2009
I loved this story - obviously, I mean, me being me. But still. It would have been funner if one of them was more daring or something. Even though I know you probably won't do that, especially for me. And, well, I don't review for every chapter, just the very last one. So it would be hella hard to sum eveything up. I don't thing there's anything to improve, even though the story is impossibly cliche and cheesy and everything. Though I do believe that I wished you would cut to the chase and make her realise she liked him already at around chapter 5 or something. So, that's basically what I wanted to say. I like Fateful friday more though, but I guess my all-time favorite is At The End Of The Day. Still, good job!