Reviews for Smooth Move
bananasplit chapter 8 . 4/14/2007
good chapter! : )
jammi chapter 7 . 4/14/2007
oh, just remembered another thing you do that's a bit of a pet peeve of mind, when you mention cliches in the story. A lot of people do that and sometimes it works but for the most part it pulls me out of the story. Like when you mention arrogant boy/hot-headed girl... we know it's a cliche and you know it's a cliche but you don't have to bring it up. I think the one story where that didn't seem forced was with a character who was a writer of some sort and she was putting her life in the view of teen movies. Any other time it's as if the author is trying to prove that since she points it out it's *obviously* not a cliche.

And when your character breaks out a speech that is obviously the author's opinion. I've been guilty of this but most of the time it pulls me out. Like the rap discussion earlier in the story. I know some people can have it but it just came off as you preaching to the masses through your character. Well to me anyway, that can also occur with books, when an author loves a story and then they put in a little ad about it and i'm pulled out of the story.

The story is well-written. It might be a bit slow but it's good build up so we can connect with the characters instead of it speeding by and you forget who the characters are and what's happening. The story may be good but at the end it's a bit unfulfilling if it goes by too quickly since the characters didn't make an impression.
xPink Blossomsx chapter 8 . 4/14/2007
Oh Wes and Rae time again! Yay! Nice chappie! I love Starbucks too, especially the Double Chocolate Chip Frappuccinos! Yumm. Please update!
jammi chapter 8 . 4/14/2007
okie doke, constructive crit it is.

Like some people have said it is going by a bit slow *but* I think I prefer it being slow then being too fast if you catch my drift.

Okay, um for the life of me I couldn't remember your main character's name. I remember Izza, Wes, Caleb, Drea but I had to scroll up to find hers.

Also, I like her honesty but tact isn't a strong point for her is it? It's a bit annoying but at the same time I'm glad that she has flaws you know? So, it annoys me but in the way one of your friend's annoying habits would bother you. I don't know if you meant to make her that blunt and sort of in your face but it's good to see she's not perfect. However you might want to be careful that she stays opinionated without becoming obnoxious.

Example, I read a story on here where the writing style was catchy but the main character turned me off because she went from being strong-headed and opinionated to being an unlikeable bitch. So far you've done a decent job of finding a balance but it can be a thin-line.

You've done a good job with making us a bit iffy about Caleb. His reactions to certain things seem off and we're just like "hmm...suspicious" he seems like he'd be the controlling type but we're not sure because she isn't actually dating him and he's not pushing the issue. So great job portraying him.

I like Wes, I don't think OMG GET WITH HIM RAE! or have fangirl love for him but then again we still don't know a lot about him.
outsomniac chapter 8 . 4/14/2007
ohmygosh. starbucks, i love you! caffeine and sugary goodness all in one. hahahaa el taco bueno. that amuses me to no end. i keep imagining like one of those mascot people that dress up to draw customers in, dressed as a taco. and his name would be paco the taco. or maybe its just the lack of sleep catching up to me. i think i need some starbucks right now. lol. poor WES though. i see rae had no shame kicking his man-ego. gosh that girl has no shame. XD more updates!
Antiquary chapter 8 . 4/14/2007
Square watermelons. Cool.

I don't particularly like Caleb... I feel like he has no purpose whatsoever. He kind of hangs out, makes weird facial expressions, and doesn't DO anything. She needs a guy who... you know, does something. Aside from standing there, anyway.

I read The Truth About Forever, and LOVED it. I also read This Lullaby, and actually, I liked it too... so far I think the only Dessen book I didn't like was Someone Like You and that's because I hated the movie How To Deal.

Anyway, I liked this chapter and I hope you update again soon!
Sally Can Wait chapter 8 . 4/14/2007
See, the thing about this story is, it may be moving slow, but it keeps my attention ten times better than a lot of stories that have twelve diffrent life-changing events happen in each chapter. Seriously. It's just... entertaining, for no reason whatsoever aside from the fact that it's so well written. And I don't even know why.

Which make the best stories, of course.

But anyhoodles, the only thing was the reference to The Truth About Forever. It just seemed a little out of place/detracted from the story, because, eh... I'm not sure. Just the fact that the two of them have the same name and all makes it seem like they are the same character. But not usually. Only when you referenced TTAF. xD If that makes any sense whatsoever.

Keep posting, dawg! Or else!

Loves,

Sally Can Wait
eLm0 chapter 7 . 4/12/2007
“I am not one of those moronic girls who accept a drink that could have come from anywhere, you deceptive, manipulative jerk.”

That is my favorite quote from this chapter. :)

And by the way, I just remembered that I read your updated chapter five. :)

Ah, this chapter. Very interesting. Wes is a very brave guy. If I were him, I wouldn't make out with some random girl at a party. What if she had like STDs or something? But then again, I wouldn't be making out with a girl since I'm a girl. I'd make out with a guy. But I still wouldn't make out with a random person. Or sleep with them. O.o

Rae fell asleep in a closet, though? That's rich. I burst out laughing when I was reading that part. The high/drunk guys were a good addition, too. :)

So then, I shall read/review more for the next chapter. :)

~eLm0
eLm0 chapter 6 . 4/12/2007
Aw, cute!

I love how they're both a little clueless about the whole partying thing. Honestly, I can really compare myself to Rae. I'm 17 too, and I haven't been to a real party, either. The most recent one I went to was at my house, so technically, I didn't really go. Everyone else came.

But anyways, aw, Wes is so cute! I can just see him quirking one eyebrow at Rae! I can do that too, although I've just always been able to do it. It comes in handy. :)

So, sorry for the late review! Argh. Homework and evil things have kept me busy.

But seriously, this gave me a good laugh tonight. :)

And now I shall read the next chapter awaiting me.
Sally Can Wait chapter 7 . 4/9/2007
YEE-UH!

Totally wasn't dissapointedjfalwg. (I really need to learn how to spell.) You really got to see into her character, and a bit more of Wes's character, and the part where the guy said... wait, let's find it... “Dude, what if I’m, like, Jesus or something?” Yeah. That made me laugh. Partly because it's something I would say, which is really sad. :D I just wuffles this story. It makes me happy.

(Eek, I finished The Truth About Forever. OMG. ! Wes! HE WELDS. How cool is that? I wanted to take welding, but no. My school doesn't offer it. There's metal jewlery making, though, and the teacher is pretty leniant, so I'd probably be able to make things other than jewlery... but I'm going to shut up now xD)

Loves,

Sally Can Wait
Kaede Kitsurani chapter 7 . 4/9/2007
Hiya! I like Rae. ) And Wes.

Anyway, cool chapter. . And happy belated Easter. o.o
snakes.on.crack chapter 1 . 4/9/2007
I REALLY like this story. As in REALLY not really. lol. it's good i like the part wen Rae fell asleep in a closet. lmao. oh and let's not forget aboutt Wes wonder what he was doing ;).lol. i hope you update soon. ]
iwishillwilluponyou chapter 7 . 4/8/2007
hahaha i can't believe she fell asleep in a closet XD
jekodama chapter 7 . 4/8/2007
(dreaming about chocolate eggs) Well, hello!

I'm sleepy, so don't expect much coherence from this review. I liked this chapter a lot, and I have a confession to make: I actually fell asleep in a coat closet once! (giggles) I was in a party, and I was hiding from someone, got in the closet, got extremely bored and fell asleep for an hour. Thank God the one who found me was my boyfriend. It was like 6 years ago but he still teases me for that one! XD

Naughty, naughty Wesley, what were you doing? and with who? hahahaha!

Y'know what? I would add a little bit of speed to the story. You seem to be taking your sweet time in getting where you want to get, delighting us with an assortment of hilarious situations, but I think that after 7 chapters is time to build up some major plot event (maybe not major, but you get my drift).

Well, I ran out of chocolate fuel. See you next chapter!

Until the next review!

P.S.: Be a sweetheart and review my poems!
nadljfaithglingh chapter 7 . 4/8/2007
i had no idea! that's crazy! and all for a little three letter word...

but yeah, back to your story: craziness! i wanna know more! rae is one crazy girl, but i can kind of relate to her (being crazy myself and all). i wish i had a guy friend...all mine are back in the states. sad.

keep writing! i'll keep reading! and reviewing! (thanks for the easter basket! they don't celebrate it here so i missed out this year!)
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