|Reviews for The Deadly Flower|
| KML92 chapter 3 . 12/20/2012
Lol, I hate Montgomery. He's an ass. Great chapter, again, your attention to detail is amazing. I actually have vivid pictures in my mind of what her surroundings look like. I've never really read a story that does that for me. I encountered a few minor spelling mistakes, but nothing too terrible. Good job.
| KML92 chapter 2 . 12/20/2012
I don't know if I like Will all that much. He seems kinda pushy. She should be allowed to have her walls up if that's where she wants them. I never understood why people have to be so damn determined to break through a persons walls. Very good chapter. I loved your attention to detail and the development of your characters. It was very well written. Good job.
| KML92 chapter 1 . 12/20/2012
| Lily806 chapter 28 . 12/20/2012
i would like long chapters, especially since this was a bit of a cliffhanger (
| Writing In Ink Forever chapter 28 . 12/20/2012
How about medium sized Chapters? Haha.
I loved this. Especially the Callum and Dahlia moments. So sweet. :)
Liam is amazing. Lmao. He's funny.
Lilynn... She can hold a grudge, can't she? Lol.
| Nyx'sReincarnation chapter 27 . 12/12/2012
Amazing amazing story so far! I especially love the fact that you can make Callum so... *sigh*. I haven't figured out how to do that yet. :/ I love the general idea of the story as well. You do a great job of contrasting characters, and adding little details even though they aren't important. For example when she was in the cafe, the bell on the door jingled twice but Callum didn't show up iether of the two times. It's such a shame that Callum shares his name with my younger cousin who I absolutely ... well... let's just say he's not my favorite person in the world. XD
Keep up the amazing work! :) (:
| rachelontheramble chapter 15 . 12/7/2012
Hi Carmel March. I came to this story because I started reading Vertigo and I was totally hooked. The detailing of the situations that the protagonists find themselves in, the universe of the CIA agents, small but revealing character traits like the heroine's response to being in elevators was so wonderful in that story that it is hard to believe that the same author wrote The Deadly Flower. You probably guessed it, but this is not a happy review. I don't intend to flame and I hope that I can constructively lay out aspects that I didn't like. The sad bit was that the idea at the core of this story is really good and it is particularly maddening as a reader because one sees glimpses now and then of how good this story could have been but is not. Let us take the character of Dahlia for instance. She is the Deadly Flower but why is she that way? What is her origin story? Ok so there was a prophecy about her being the annihilator of vampires... but that's it? This is already chapter 14 and not once has she asked the question, how does one become the Deadly Flower? Are my parents special? That's the fundamental problem about this universe that you have created. Its rules and mythology are not organically fleshed out. Also the flower references to Dahlia in her name, in her scent, in the flowers in her office seem to be throwaways... like a hammer hitting us again and again 'the flower, hint hint'. In contrast, her relationship with nature could have been an aspect that was more developed and perhaps even made to be the source of her power- as representing life and therefore, a threat to undead creatures. Similarly, Dahlia's toughness as a character is sought to be illustrated by putting her in one violent situation after another. But she's like Energizer Bunny. Stabbed and the next day back to work. Attacked by vampires out to kill and next day back to work... This makes her response to violence redundant and it alienates the readers, because we feel that nothing can ever really hurt her. It also makes her seem stupid and reckless. And Will?...why is Will even necessary in this story? Perhaps there is a larger narrative purpose, which you will reveal later...but as of now, he is just a foil that brings out the cluelessness of Dahlia's character. That brings us to Callum. The problem with the story's universe is never more clearer than in the depictions of the vampires. Every pop culture aspect seems to be thrown in- stakes, holy water, the threshold barrier, no reflections, without it being clear how these are integrated together in a special way that makes this vampire story unique...and it has got to be more than their eyes turn black and only a vampire can make another bleed. Why should we as readers care about Callum? Because of his green eyes (Dahlia able to see that Callum's eyes were green in the newspaper article about her stabbing was another big turnoff...), his physical perfection? His job description as a celebrity underworld vigilante is rather ridiculous and more seriously, does not seem thought through. Why do people fear him? He's supposed to be mysterious and powerful but he's completely ineffective when it comes to protecting Dahlia. That self reflexivity is worked in, but again, it begs the question, if Dahlia's superpowers manifest as she is under threat by vampires, why introduce the comical aspect of the knight charging in to rescue the damsel? Instead, rather if you had left off the redundant protectiveness of Callum and sort of made him like a mentor who knew more about the mythology of the Deadly Flower and who would initiate her and readers into a fascinating world, I for one, feel the story would have been much better. Also we have no clue (as of chapter 14) why exactly Callum likes her. Sure, he says she has bewitched him... but is it her or what she represents? His motives and perspectives are so underdeveloped, that I often find myself rooting for Dahlia and Liam to become a couple.
The Big Bads in the story so far have also been ineffectual... especially Thanatos...Big Bad Guy whose name means Death, from whom power radiates and whom people fear... I mean, you could have used the campy aspects you introduced- the cape, the fat, the baldness etc and made him something menacing... but this caricature!
You are a really promising writer and I enjoyed the first four chapters of Vertigo so much and I guess that's why I am on such a diatribe. This idea could have been done so much better. A story that is similar in the core idea and this genre is Tijan's Davy Harwood. I don't know if you have read it on fictionpress... It is also a story about a human girl possesses powers that can destroy the vampire community and the race of different factions to get to her. But I felt that story was a great example of using this core idea and developing an entire universe and mythology... I was excited about your story in the beginning because I thought this was going to be another really great spin around this theme.
I don't think I'll stick around anymore for The Deadly Flower...but I am totally on the Vertigo boat.I hope that the review does not discourage you and I know that you have it in you to write really original and riveting pieces.
All the best! Rachel
| Bubbly Girl chapter 27 . 12/5/2012
I am officially OBSESSED with this story! :) Haha please update as soon as possible! :) I love it! :)
Peace, Love and Happiness! :)
| allie298 chapter 27 . 12/2/2012
It's always so great to find a little gem of a story and that's exactly what your work is. Your characters are so full of life and they're all so different from one another, but somehow they work well together, and that's something I've always appreciated in a story. The action can be wonderful, the romance scenes butterflies-in-the-stomach-inducing but if the characters are not top notch, it's not worth reading. And your characters are so very easy to relate to, to fall in love with and it's absolutely awesome that as a reader I feel as if I'm experiencing every word with them! Also, Damien's death was probably one of the best scenes I've read in quite some time :)
You are a great writer! And I truly look forward to reading more of this story and your work in general :D
| Guest chapter 27 . 11/29/2012
OMG I love him! Liam! I seriously think liam and dahli amazing!
| rose5936 chapter 27 . 11/28/2012
Awesome chapter! Loved the last scene with dalia and liam and i LOVE liam! I just really wish u could update a bit sooner! But thanks again for the amazing chapter!
| Elusive Lucidity chapter 27 . 11/26/2012
LOved it as usual!
Loved, loved, loved Liam in this chapter! *_*
Poor Callum. He is gonna be all worked up and distressed from now on-even more worried about Dahlia's safety. :(
| Fiery Dancer chapter 27 . 11/25/2012
YAY ANOTHER CHAPTER! :D very thrilling - and how stupid we're those kids? Haha great job and I can't wait till they find Lilynn
| ThoseLittleMoments chapter 27 . 11/24/2012
Omggg, I am sososososososo sorry that I haven't been reviewing lately!
BUT LET ME START WITH SAYING THIS STORY IS AN ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE XX
I SERIOUSLY LOVE THIS STORY, CALLUM IS SO DAMN ATTRACTIVE X
DAHLIA, WILL FOREVER BE ONE OF MY FAVOURITE HEROINES X
AND PLUS, LIAM IS SO COOOL X
SUCH A GREAT WRITER! ONE DAY YOU SHALL GET PUBLISHED, I PREDICT IT [:
I like the way you bring by the household members into the story, it usually doesn't happen, but I'm glad you it did!
YOU ARE SOO AMAZINGGG, I will wait patiently for the next chapter [: XX
| Angela Donahue chapter 27 . 11/24/2012
Hello again ;) can't wait to see what happens next!