|Reviews for The Deadly Flower|
| DayDreamerz chapter 6 . 4/18/2007
No! (sob) I wanna know why she's so dangerous! Don't let her die now!
lol. Anyway, my sister and I are reading your story and we both agree that we love it! _ You're a good writer, and I can't wait to read more!
| Lucie Saint-Lazare chapter 6 . 4/17/2007
This is a very entertaining story. It's fast-paced, filled with well-defined characters, and there's a little something for everyone: suspense, romance, action, and from what you've hinted at, some horror in store.
I'm really impressed by how you juggle a relatively large cast of characters but still manage to make each one distinctive. Veronica, Montgomery, Bill Fletcher (my favourite), even the waitress and the anonymous receptionist are fleshed out in just a few lines. The only ones who seem a bit pallid by comparison are the love interests, Will and Callum. The former seems a bit too guy-next-door, the latter too much of a dreamboat. They may very well become stronger as the story moves on, though.
Pacing is pretty good and there's almost always something going on. The only slow bit that might benefit from being cut out, in my opinion, is in Chapter 2 when you describe in meticulous detail Dahlia's trip to work (on the bus, etc.) It helps flesh out your world but it's not particularly relevant to the story or interesting to read.
Just a couple of nitpicks. In the prologue, it should be "than I am proud of," not "then I am proud of."
In Chapter 5, you refer to Veronica as "the petite, hotheaded female" instead of calling her by name. I find that sort of thing confusing. In fact, referring to people as "the male" or "the female," in my opinion, generally has a whiff of the medical textbook about it and it's so vague that if there's more than one male or one female involved, it becomes immediately difficult to figure out who it refers to.
Also, in Chapter 1, when we first meet Will, Dahlia doesn't refer to him as "Will" but as "a handsome man." That strikes me as an authorial intrusion. We're in her head, and it would make sense, since she knows him, that she would refer to him by name.
None of that is especially distracting, though. You mention in your biography that you enjoy Laurel K. Hamilton. I can see the influence, although you have your own distinctive style. It's the sassy female protagonist, I guess.
I found the soundtrack amusing. I also make up little soundtracks for my different stories, and I have been known to name some of my characters after songs I like. Stories are always multi-media in an author's mind, visual and aural as well as narrative; it's sad that only one dimension gets translated onto the paper, but I guess that's part of the challenge.
| E. Poor chapter 6 . 4/15/2007
I really like the way you can make the words flow. Do you revise your writing several times over before submitting? Really good descriptions, and it's interesting that vampires are so very.. romanticized by people? How is our heroine going to get out of this one?
| mrs.de lioncourt chapter 1 . 4/12/2007
i really like it, awesome way to start off a story...
| givelifeyurall chapter 6 . 4/10/2007
gr...the suspense is killing me! i need to find out what happened...! btw wonderful story so far, really interesting
| MysticMaJix chapter 1 . 4/10/2007
I like your story so far, and only just begun to read it it's
| HighOnAirGurl chapter 6 . 4/10/2007
damn. how can you leave it there? you have a way with endings. you are talented and a great storyyteller beyond words. i want to see more very soon.
| ham3 chapter 6 . 4/9/2007
Your story is awesome! Interesting, romantic, and a little funny at some points. I hope to see more romance, or just answers about what’s going on.
Thanks so much for reviewing my work! Your comments were very nice.
| Ammom chapter 2 . 4/9/2007
Ahh, Vanessa Carlton, a good artist. I thought Paint it Black might have given you an idea for a vampire story, but that doesn't seem to be the case. Anyhow, I do like the chapter, and I love her name, Dahlia.
| Ammom chapter 1 . 4/9/2007
Ooh, wonderful intro! It's nicely written, I'd like to see where this is going. :)
| HighOnAirGurl chapter 5 . 4/9/2007
i loved the beginning to this! i thought it was really happening... nice twist there. and i like the plot development and the honor you put into the convos. really really really good job.
| HighOnAirGurl chapter 4 . 4/9/2007
really nice descriptions. i felt like i was right there in the cafe with dahlia and knightly. oh...knightly and dahlia! i get it! theyre going to get together? i hope so. youve made them fit.
| HighOnAirGurl chapter 3 . 4/9/2007
i like dahlia a lot. a lot a lot. shes got attitude but being in first person and all, you can tell shes gentle and loyal on the inside. very good characterizations.
| HighOnAirGurl chapter 2 . 4/9/2007
and the smile won out over the rest. a beautiful ending to a beautiful chapter.
| HighOnAirGurl chapter 1 . 4/9/2007
jeesums. amazing work..and its only the prologue!