Reviews for So still, darling
eh chapter 1 . 9/5/2009
This is better than your last piece. I liked "never has a smile been lost on you." Very romantic. It is a little randomly connected to the line before it. We are forced to go from one image to another rather quickly (him sitting down carefully, then you smiling at him). You could stretch that part out to make both images more powerful. Same goes for the line after. Those are good lines, but they need something in between them. Otherwise, the transition is too abrupt. But I liked all of the lines in this poem better than your last one.
Steel Winged Angel chapter 1 . 4/28/2009
Wow. I love this.
SR Castells chapter 1 . 8/17/2007
I love your use of parenthesis as a way of emphasizing and de-emphasizing at the same time, and your vivid depiction of physical sensations. "A gentle-fingered kiss." "So those noiseful crowds could not hear how beautiful I was." It's so sweet, sensual and yet innocent, not to mention original. Your style sticks in my mind.
tangledwebweweave chapter 1 . 5/7/2007
Kinda eerie feel. I love it! Keep it up! :D
Niels Stegeman chapter 1 . 3/13/2007
Indeed a somewhat eerie poem, which is a wonderful effect. It's a beautiful piece, quite enjoyed it. Good work, good work.
she smolders chapter 1 . 3/10/2007
There's something meaningful under the surface of this that I cannot say in just mere words.
Nemonus chapter 1 . 3/6/2007
Ooh, that's unique. "Still" gains meanings. Or maybe that's just me. Whatever-then, it would simply mean that I have applied your words to my life, which a poet should want.

Your rhythm and grammar is fine. I like the imagery of "grease-stained". It makes the whole thing, where it could be romantic and innocent, grotesque and creepy. Good poem.
no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 3/1/2007
Ooh, that was slightly creepy. I mean, I know it's supposed to be this guy sneaking up on a girl, surprising her by whispering to her that she's beautiful, but it felt creepy. Not that that's a bad thing. Oh, beautiful. Keep writing! :)
bR0k3N chapter 1 . 3/1/2007
this was really good!
Doodleflip chapter 1 . 3/1/2007
Oh lovely. It's quite enigmatic, but the essence is quite sharp and clear. It's all in the imagery, in the attention to detail, that makes this poem stand out. Very nice.
rage of aquarius chapter 1 . 2/28/2007
oh, oh, oh. i feel that i am mentally unable to tackle what your true intentions were when writing this. but, at least in my mind:

i love the potential for sarcasm in the parenthetical "darling" and "honey" bits.

grease-stained ANYthing, especially hand, on flesh gives me the creeps, especially when it's juxtaposed with "gentle-fingered kiss."

"since the bench/beside me was cold, you/joined me carefully" reads as if the "honey" treats uncomfortable and undesirable circumstances (like sitting on a cold bench) gingerly, as if by positioning himorherself so carefully beside hisorher loved one on a cold bench is something of a condescension to hisorher own comfort.

all these uncomfortable images, all the stillness, remind me of...ice. and when situated with "never has/a smile been lost on you," all those images of romance you deftly present, it's particularly haunting, particularly maddening.

to quote ani difranco, if i may: o my my.
Moondog Dozier chapter 1 . 2/28/2007
This presents quite a scene, as it contains both the general, and the specific aspects of the situation. I like how this establishes an e.e. cummings kind of spirit, while still drawing in individual touches that elevate it's uniqueness. Great write.