Reviews for Angelic Twilight
Creative Colors chapter 1 . 11/11/2007
This looks really great. I love stories about angels and really like this so far. I love the atmosphere in this story. It really glues you in reading at the begging. I like the language you created for you're story to. I look forward to more of this story.
The Mumbling Sage chapter 1 . 3/4/2007
Sorry I'm a few days late! I took you literally when you said you wouldn't post anything until the 4th!

'The steed was tall and lean whose coat was a gleaming chestnut color'- this sounded awkward. I would say, 'the horse wall tall and lean and had a gleaming chestnut coat' or some such. I know you said 'horse' in the first sentance, which is probably why you chose 'steed', but 'steed' is an awkward word (Eddie Murphy in my head 'hear that? I'm a noble steed!') and you could have just said hooves in the first sentance. We know what you mean.

A couple of apostraphes appeared in strange places, that's probably just a fast-typing problem.

'A tall muscular man with lop-sided mahogany hair and gleaming black eyes'. "Lop-sided" is a cool new way to describe hair; like a comb-over, correct? However, this is a fragment. It was a little confusing.

Jeans...I didn't read the summary carefully, is this a modern fantasy?

Also, is there seriously an aura around him? And who needs to be warned off from him anyway? I was under the impression that he was in a sort of remote area.

The merry fire seemed out of place when someone seems to be freezing. 'Huddled for warmth' suggests misery.

Hmm...ayah. Your voice hasn't quite found itself there, you mix words like 'babe' and 'agency' with no clear consistancy. Also, this may just be me but 'little did Regin know'... is kind of irritating. Is there a person in mind who's telling this story? A viewpoint? It could be Regin's, but he wouldn't be thinking 'sixteen years from now my hatred will be tested...'

Yeah. Hope that makes some sense. Plot-wise I like your story, and I like the way you managed to bring description in without halting the narrative. I love your names: Regin, Legacy, Amaya. There seem to be a few pitfalls that most new authors make: giving character thoughts in an unrealistic way, dragging the reader 16 years into the future when we aren't fully comfortable in the present, ect. Tell us 16 years have passed once they have passed, ie, in the next chapter.

Don't take this to mean I didn't love your story, as I said: plot, description, names are awesome. Characterization is good for how far I've read. Just keep a mind on my grumping and I hope it will help you. :) Good luck!
dhellmich18 chapter 1 . 3/2/2007
Hm, interesting so far; your writing is very good and I hope that you update soon!