|Reviews for Aster in the Fields of Tryssen|
| kth chapter 3 . 3/4/2009
Woah... you updated. Finally! And it's LONG!
I can't wait to read it, I was just so excited I had to write something. So far I've only read "...And worst of all, he's got six children," which promises greatness. Yay!
Oh yeah, and did you have debate finals today? If so, hope you had fun!
| TimeTurnerAlchemist chapter 1 . 3/3/2009
Making fun of Mary-Sues: For The Win! This made me both cringe and laugh inside. I think I would die trying to do a mary-Sue, although I have found evidence of my own characters being such things. Ahh well, we learn and grow.
Love the parody, and you had good writing to go along with it, though some of the dialogue was hard to follow. Love
| B.S. Ha chapter 3 . 3/3/2009
3 chaps in 2 years. Do you realize that today is the exact day two years ago you uploaded the first chapter? Fail. Total, complete, epic FAIL.
Anywho, reviewing as I read...
-"small pack of wolves"? Wolves are adorable, beautiful, strong, fierce creatures. How dare you compare them to wolves. T_T
-"a tall, ominous silhouette" Tall? I'm tall? Ya- wait. Shadows stretch. Dammit. [White eyes. Sweet.]
-"Banholf broke out laughing again for no good reason." That happens too often in real life xD
-Ria's hair sounds ugly.
-"Banholf whacked him on the head." That doesn't sound like anyone I know. At all. Whatsoever.
-Foxen? Oh, this is great
-"creating loud noises rivalling Cook’s dramatics" No kidding...
-“Whatever, Fitzgerald. Pfft.” Very nice. Banholf is too cool! [The whole Ranholf- and little-children-tying-up thing]
-"she died fat and happy." *pumps fist into air* Oh yeah!
-"and would love to see the two of them try to get married." Nice. 'cause we all know it won't work anyway
-"something like magnifying one’s voice ten times over and running around the grounds au naturale while waving a banner reading “I WANT TO BE THE VERY BEST THAT NO ONE EVER WAS”." Nelson and Pokemon covered in one sentence. Nice.
-"Banholf retched violently in the background . . . And they spoke very, very loudly." xDD
-I just got the name Fallowshaith. xD Ahahaha
-“If you try anything here, so help me I will finish the job myself.” YES, PLEASE!
-"They were eating each others’ faces." Oh, la la.
-"Abel bolted out of the stable" Isn't his job in the stables, though?
-“You’d better rethink those statements.” Oh, yeah.
-"cape billowing behind him in a nonexistent wind." Oh, come now. At least I had a broken vent.
-"the de Hayes siblings had long cut themselves loose from the tree" I love how they do this even though they're all under the age of 7 (?)
-"showing wickedly sharp, white teeth" BASIL, BABY, IS THAT YOU HIDING IN THERE? COME ON NOW, I NEED YOU TO GET BACK TO -MY- STORY AND MOVE THE PLOT ALONG
-“I didn’t make food for fifty-one" *high five*
| B.S. Ha chapter 2 . 4/30/2007
(reviewing as I go...)
- "Siying-shen shang"? The crap?
- oh...okay, then.
- did you make up the song? I like it.
- Am I arguing with the bush/Bush? Eh, makes sense to me. (pun not originally intended)
- I had to look up "ladle"...
- what age is "coming-of-age," anyway? (haha, btw)
- there are a WHOLE BUNCH o' typos, here...
- Sparrathia...haha...who's that supposed to be? if anybody?
- "I’ve known women who can ruin entire banquets with a flick of her finger.”...which finger?
- “No, she’s not really that horrible, despite the stories. Or, she hasn’t tried to kill me, specifically, yet." Hmm, not that horrible? I dunno...I mean, she doesn't even give out cookies!
- Banholf snorted. “You’re wrong about Cook. She has tried to kill you, as the entire household has. But you’re just a resilient little bugger, eh?”
- Mnemosyne Organization...
- Zadok's "Wine" moment was a Kodak moment...get it? Uhh, nevermind.
- Hah! You can HAVE Aelfrinn- what use do I have for a person with that retarded name...
- “I knew there was something about that woman”. Which woman?
- Wait a minute- why are all MY characters disturbing? Not that there's anything wrong with that, but...
- Okay, tell me again how one has black and gold hair?
- Ah! Banolf's hair description makes me think Dempsey!
- the planets reference again is just so random...keep it up!
- "Happy Birthday, your life still isn't over..."
- Yes, J, sisters that are only 3 days apart...
- "Cook is the older one, but not by much, I don’t think. Anyway, Banholf, who was about a year older than Siying—probably around half a year older, probably older than Cook as well". Thoroughly confused. But whatever, that's the point, right?
- I hate her laugh and I've never even heard it. I never want to hear it being described again.
- “After I walk out that door, you can flirt all you like.” I totally don't make fun of people like that! Yeah, totally...
- I SAID I didn't want to hear it again!
- Tobias is delusional.
- (I'm currently listening to a song with the lyrics "I don't want to lose my head today...")
- “If only the child hadn’t been birthed in the first place—” If ONLY...
- “Go change. Imbecile.”
- 'Great Queen [of] Fortune, Raven [the] Little Winged One [of] White Mountain [and] Intelligence, [the] Beautiful Rose of Matthinghouste and Tryssen'. Do you know how drunk her parents were when they named her?
- "Siying’s mind went blank for a long moment, in which the Frankenrose was chopped to bits by her spazzing hand." See? that's what happens when that romance comes in!
- “Hello, man I do not really wish to be affiliated with,” Banholf replied, as if he were making a point. Oh wait.
“You’re so cold to me,” Ranolf complained.
- “Old! I’m not that old.”
“Keep wishing, old man.”
- HAHAHAHAHAHA! whe...
- JESSE IN THE FETAL POSITION!
- His grandmother IS ashamed, I'll bet.
In Happiness, Your Sister in Mary-Sue-bashing,
Siying (and Fraken-rose!)
| B.S. Ha chapter 1 . 4/28/2007
For some reason, this didn't show up in my inbox for Author Alert...
Anywho, I'mma reviewing as I read.
- Now that I've read that name, I'm gonna name my kid Princess Rianna Othella Ravynna Aleda Yamashiro Akira Min’tharon de Matthinghouste-Tryssen - just to torture her/him (especially if it's a boy).
- I love the straightforward tone- it's so funny!
- The long, descriptive (run-on) sentences are PERFECTO.
- The Japanese names are a bit too random.
- "There was no hay in sight, which truly sucked for him."
- "Marde"...? Poor boy...
- " “His Majesty went back into the castle moments after you arrived, Princess.” [...] "The Prince of Fallowshaith sat cross-legged in front of a window, engrossed in a book, and did not register their entrance." But he just got there...?
- I'm still waiting for Banholf's full name...
- Tobias - pbftmrhahahahahahahaha!
- “Hoy, Your Majesty, are you going to let me in anytime soon? I thought you’d let me in shortly.” I love that change in tone! And anyways, Banny is right! :D
- “Quiet, De Hayes, we were about to finish anyway” - WHOOT! Go DE HAYES!
- Tobias' parents were high when they named him, and in good humor, weren't they?
- "green dress, white apron, wide-brimmed straw hat and heavy boots". Thank you. Just - thank you. (btw, the name is so out of place- not even Japanese!)
- Uhh...I went to the kitchen because I needed to borrow knives for the, um, aphids? Yeah! The aphids! And those pesky little rats...wait, I mean Tobias. That little stalker...
- Shaanxi? The crap?
- "Siying had several argumenta with Cook" Yes, "argumenta..."
- "she couldn’t help but feel slightly… endangered… around Siying. It seemed that the woman had slightly violent, cynical tendencies." I love you (as a sister, mind you!)
- This is starting to remind me of the Secret Garden, except SG was better...
- Thank you for not referring to the tree as an "it."
- Of course, she just HAS to communicate with the stinkin' cats...
- Haha, get it? Cats' outta the bag...
- Yes, because Banholf and Siying are distant relatives and thus conspiring together to rid of Mary here and that's why you say they're similar. Right?
- Who's Helen supposed to be?
| Shdwphoenix chapter 1 . 3/3/2007
Omigosh. XD Parodies win.
You get ten points for naming her pets in Japanese, and a hundred more for Ria's ability to telepathically communicate with them.