Reviews for Broken
Matthew James Current chapter 1 . 11/4/2007
LOVELY! I haven't seen something this pleasingly original in some time. It's a very good piece, solid and the only kink I can conceivably remark upon is that "it won't stop" in the third stanza seems unecessary or redundant. But that's probably an aesthetic observation on my part.

Very nice work here. It made both my lips and my heart smile.
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 3/31/2007
I really like the repition... awesome descrptions... I love that ending... great piece
no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 3/15/2007
Wow, a simply worded poem that has so much meaning. I love the "we are one" repeated bit. That was great. And the end.. the end is just fantastic. Nice work here. Keep writing! :)
Midnight In Eden chapter 1 . 3/4/2007
First off your name reminds me of the Arcade Fire song "Laika" and so I'm reviewing.

Now, for the poem. Poetry that starts with "And" always tend to grate on a reader because it feels like we've been introduced to this halfway. I personally have a vendetta against the word so I'm going to recommend you clean it out of the piece completely.

In terms of punctuation and capitalisation, I'd love more of both. As in more periods because this piece flows far too quickly without them even through all the semi colons and stanza breaks. I don't mind your repetition of "we are one" which is remarkable because I normally despise repetition. Here it flows well and feels necessary. More punctuation in the place of "and" would also really help this piece.

In reference to your adjectives, I'd recommend finding something a trifle more interesting than "tiny" and "broken".

Otherwise, this is an impressive little piece that just needs polishing to make it very good.

.:midnight:.