The idea is good, but it's dragged on for too long. You sort of overdo the description of his hand reaching for her boob. "His hand covers the last distance and it's at the predetermined destination," "covering the satiny material of the fancy dress at a slow methodical pace," etc. There's just too much language devoted to it. I think a shorter, more succinct description could be more effective.

The description of the line of coke, "the big, fat, heavenly, virginal white line," is also overwritten.

Wow, that's depressing. Well written though. It expresses quite a bit for a short piece, which I always appreciate. Seriously, it takes a bit of talent to tell a whole story in only a few words. Well done.:) And thanks for the review. You don't have to, but if you want you can read the rest of my story. The last of it will be up tomorrow night most likely. I'm more of a poet and I'm still working on my prose, so I really appreciate the feedback.:)