Reviews for A Quick Bite
jdominick927aol.com chapter 1 . 7/27/2009
you should post this story (and others) on

its a website where no one can copy and paste your work, and each month, harper collins publinshing company goes through the best stories, and publishes the best novel. you have potential, you should really try it.
Faradei chapter 27 . 6/27/2009
I absolutely LOVED this story! Very well written
chicagobabe chapter 27 . 6/12/2009
heyy

i la la loved this story

the plot, the humour bahh everything

E and on top ofthat there is a sequel e!

ahaha and i think this is my first time reading a vampire so that makes it realistic. you get what i mean? anyways me soo reading the sequel :D
Dagonmaster chapter 1 . 5/30/2009
Hello there, I've just finished reading your story and I have to say it was amazing. I really liked how how introduced both quotes and journal entries. These journal entries really made the story feel much more realistic plus it provided much insight onto the various characters and their mindsets.

The pacing and flow was done very well and overall I can't wait to start reading the sequel.

P.S: If you don't mind I would appreciate if you could read some of my work and give feedback on it.
Elosion12 chapter 27 . 5/13/2009
That was the best story I have ever read on here. You are a very good writer. So I was hoping you could help me on some of my stories. I'm having terrible writer's block so I was hoping you could give me some plot ideas.
Obsidius chapter 27 . 5/8/2009
WOW , I must say I loved this story. You took idea's that I have had for years about vampires and made it into a great story. Thank you! it was awesome.
MidnightFaded chapter 3 . 4/11/2009
Hey, It's really good so far. :D

I love her best friend's name (Thea).

That's my name too and it's the first time I have seen it on FictionPress.

-Thea
blackrule chapter 27 . 3/31/2009
hehe what a great story this is. I am most definately going to start reading the sequel now though hehe Keep up the brilliant works. :D
Juliet Silver chapter 27 . 3/5/2009
sweet. :)
omgitskandice chapter 3 . 2/17/2009
Your character depth is admirable. You have recognizably different speech patterns for each character and they all have different thougth patterns as well, and though we have very little physical description of any character, you get a strong sense of of each one's unique personality. I also like how you introduce the characters, their backgrounds/history through the journal entries, making it feel natural without having to overload teh narrative with information.

I also love teh amount of time you spend on introspection. And instead of chunking it, you split it evenly and naturally through out the chapter.
omgitskandice chapter 2 . 2/17/2009
Your story is very well-written, and the plot is a little different than the usual vammp romance plot. I like it. But it still feels like the writing is a bit weak at some points- not bad, just weak.
omgitskandice chapter 1 . 2/17/2009
Hey. I'm reading your story for the FP Supernatural Stories Awards for the Judge's Pick category and I figured that while I was reading, I might as well leave some feedback.

I really liked the opening. It was realy interesting and novel. And I knew immediately that it was different than most stories. At first, it seemed wordy and the sentences weren't structured in the best way, making it seem a little unpolished, while still telling me you are a mature writer. But as I kept reading, it got better. It was witty, without resotring to insults and childish repartee. And the writing was better towards teh end. Truthfully, I had my doubts, but you took a cliche and totally owned it.
ashley chapter 21 . 1/17/2009
Well I have to say that you do have a good story here. The thing is however, your main character Lexie is so self absorbed, so woefully whinny that it is literally getting to the point where the shallowness of this character makes this story unbearable. I understand it was majorly life-altering but this character gets caught up in the same issues, that it makes you want to kill her off.

I am sorry to say this, but because of this character, and the way she has been portrayed is so damn idiotic and nothing like an 18 yr old should be, that unfortunately kills the entire story. I am frankly surprised I made it this far without going crazy from her frank bullshit. This whole indecsion and the constant crap she brings up in virtually every chapter almost feels like I am watching a bad soap opera - the kind where if you don't watch it for like 6 months and turn it back on; their wallowing over the same old shit. You are trying to portray a character that is intellectually smart and as such one would think that they would at least be able to have logical thought. But this character doesn't. She obviously isn't smart enough to take a step back, and try to see things from a neutral standpoint, or hell just try to see where the other guy is coming from. Frankly its annoying.

If you do re-write this story, the only major change I forsee would be to Lexie - do a analysis on the character you're trying to portray because frankly nobody likes a constantly whinny, self-absorbed main character (unless of course its humourous). And since I know this isn't a funny story, mainly serious - some dramatic changes with the character Lexie needs to be addressed.

I know it may seem like a bad review, but honestly the story is good except for that - although you may want to play with the plot a bit too.
AJS chapter 27 . 12/20/2008
I don't know if you know about Twilight all the way in England, but I couldn't help but notice that your vampire story accomplished something that the ever-famous Twilight series never did - it established what had to be given up in order to become a vampire and addressed both the pros and cons of being transformed. I thought that was nicely done.

Overall I really liked your story. I think, however, Lexie sometimes got on my nerves because despite what Alejandro said, I thought at times she was very weak. She always seemed to hold people to such high expectations like they couldn't do a single thing wrong in their lives, and then blew up at them when she found out they weren't perfect. It just wasn't very realistic. It was annoying how she would just jump to conclusions and get mad every time just to get her way of things. I don't know. I guess I just found her unreasonable at times. I also couldn't believe that she gave in so quickly to Dracula at the end when he killed the human in front of her. Sure, he was going to kill innocent humans until she agreed, but shouldn't she have thought about the consequences of how many MORE vampires would be killed if she agreed to go along with his plan instead? It didn't seem very smart.

I liked Alejandro though, haha. And Lexie had her good moments too. I think perhaps some parts of their relationship were kind of brushed over - I don't really know which parts, but I guess by the end when I was supposed to be agonizing over their distress, for some reason I just felt kind of detached from the entire situation. I'm glad that they survived though, and that they got a happy ending. I'm a little confused as to what happened to her family - did her parents just give up after coming that one time? They didn't even try to reestablish some sort of relationship with Lexie at all? That seems a little unreasonable too...

I hope you'll continue writing your sequel. I might come back some time and check it out :) For a vampire story, I'd say you covered a lot of elements and overall it was put together quite nicely :)

- Alyssa
newreader chapter 21 . 12/11/2008
this is my second time reading this story and it is still just as good as the first time!
238 | « Prev Page 1 2 3 4 5 12 .. Last Next »