|Reviews for Something about a Ball|
| zephyr deity chapter 1 . 4/1/2007
It's a cute story so far but a little short. Maybe a bit more details.
| Mia Monte chapter 3 . 3/31/2007
I liked it. Cute! haha! Galing. Keep writing. Buti naman it's longer than the first 2. :p
| kaye chapter 3 . 3/31/2007
It's nice! I like the chapter! But there's still a part that's lacking...fill it in! Hehehe
| psychotic aiba lover chapter 3 . 3/31/2007
Okay, okay. I shall start reviewing your chapter 3. Well, I got to say that it was a really nice chapter. It was long enough- which is great. I mean, it's really sad when you wait for a considerably long time and you only get a short chapter. *tear* Yeah, most people, at least that's what I think, would like to get a chapter that would fully satisfied them. And your chapter satisfied me! :) Heheh.
Anyway, hmm. Well, I'd like to state a few stuff.
The girl turned around to look at Riley, tears streaming down her eyes. Riley then noticed that there was a cross behind the girl. She just answered her own question. The girl started doing things with her hands, symbols. Riley could not understand what she was doing, so she tired again.
I think it's supposed to be 'tried' not 'tired'? Heheh. Just saying in case you'd wanna fix it.
Anyway, yeah aside from that, I doubt there were any other grammatical or spelling errors. Your grammar's perfect, I guess and so is your spelling. Yes, and oh yeah, maybe instead of making it in the school lockers: or meanwhile: or present time:, maybe you'd want to make everything in paragraph form or you can just put the ruler (?) or line (?) thing. That's only my suggestion. But if it's your style of writing, of course, I would have no objection. Otherwise, I love everything about your story. Magnificent. Yes.
Oh yeah. She was wearing a long black dress, which seemed to camouflage her long black hair.
About that, holy schmuckle! I thought that she was a emo girl! Hahah. A 7 year old emo girl! Hahah! :) But I wonder what that was all about though. Hmm, I'm expecting something. :)
And let's see... Well, Riley seems to have a funny personality. She's sarcastic and all, yet she's funny, clumsy and everything else. Heheh. Love her character. I really want to see how she would act like when she's in love...with John. :)
Yup, and oh yeah, hahah! Love the whole Becky thing. It's funny how everyone wants them to be a couple! Seriously, I agree with Becky. John and Riley should go out. Tsk tsk. I shall patiently (maybe) waiting for that day.
And, what else? Oh yeah. Love your writing style. Your description's vivid and your word choice is really good. And yeah, I want to see what John meant by calling Riley, "princess". :) *evil laugh*
Sorry for not having a chrnological order in my review, but then, in the beginning of the story when Riley lost her shoe and she was being sad about it, is the fact that Riley's not as rich as John important in the story? It makes me curious because that might mean that your story plot could be more complicated than I thought it was and that would make me more excited and thus, I would be even happier. Heheh. Just asking.
Oh yeah, John...I'm still loving his character. How he can be so cool and still like Riley even if she's sarcastic to him and everything. But question, he's rich! Spoiled brat? Hahah. That was just a random comment. *sigh*
Oh well, anyway, I think I shall end it here. Happy writing! And *sigh* I shall be waiting for maybe more than a month for your next chapter to come! Good bye! :D
| Happy Mooing Octopus chapter 2 . 3/26/2007
i did say i liked short-but that was way too short. hahaha and a bit more of details could make this storu even nicer. you know, to add to the readers view of what's happening, the mood.. and stuff like that.
it's good anyway. like i said before, it's straight to the point, therefore it's easy to imagine. the plot's easy to get. it's good:]
| Mia chapter 2 . 3/22/2007
Hey! I found it entertaining. Haha! Makes you curious even more. Quite funny.
| kaye chapter 2 . 3/21/2007
I think you're going too fast...the chapters aren't connected anymore...But I like this chapter...hehehe...Can you just make chapters about the part after she slams the door in his face? then link your chapter 2 with it...
But so far the story is fine...
| songs of an angel chapter 1 . 3/19/2007
I like the start. Especially the way you write, you're obviously not a first timer. hehe. Anway, like the cow (peace carla! p) said, straight to the point. And i applaud you for that. However...you could've have given us a brief introduction about John. I'm not asking for a thousand-word intro. Just a few lines, for us to know more about him and his relationship with Riley. Aside from that, great job! Can't wait!
| Maica chapter 2 . 3/19/2007
hullo! :D hehehe
really cute beginning! H.E. project... hahaha and yeah, it's kinda bitin... i want longer chapters! keep it up! and don't kill yourself... i read your suicidal poem... emo! :D
| psychotic aiba lover chapter 2 . 3/19/2007
Okay...So I liked this chapter as usual. It was short yet nice and the whole Victoria and cheerleader thing are intriguing.
I guess the story starts developing more and I hope that you will keep doing a good job in doing so in a very nice way. I just have one comment though. Maybe you should make your story longer at least to not cut off the scenes suddenly. Each scene is really short so it's like everything happens too fast. But this is only a suggestion. I'm sure you'd know better what to do. :) Well other than that, I like this story already and I hope that you continue writing and finish this story.
Anyway, I'm liking the character of both John and Riley. John seems like a nice guy and Riley seems like the choleric and phlegmatic type, right? In fact, it's like Riley's character comes from you. :)
Other than that, I have a question. In the first scene of your chapter two, the part where Jessie and Riley talks, it says that they're roommates. So are they living together in a school dorm, or somewhere? Just asking since I'm curious.
Oh yeah, and I'm really curious about the reason why John and Riley stopped being friends. I'm guessing that it's because John wanted to play soccer so they couldn't hang out much or anything..? Oh well. Hope you reveal the reason soon. :)
To wrap this up, I'm now beginning to love this story. I wish for the best of your story and I'll be expecting you to update soon even though you only updated today. Good luck and keep writing! Your writing style's really good. :)
| Mia Montemayor chapter 1 . 3/15/2007
Well, it would depend on how the rest of the story goes. It's interesting that you made that your intro/ first chapter. I'm curious what the rest would be. But I guess you should get kaye's or Pia's opinion. They're the bookworms! :)Keep it up!
| roshini chapter 1 . 3/14/2007
i liked it! honestly. super bitin! can't wait for the rest. i can imagine it in a movie.. hehe :) anyway, continue writing! id love to read more.
| kaye chapter 1 . 3/14/2007
It's ok but its short and bitin (you have to add more...) And it's like you mixed all of us up in your characters. It's funny...
| Riku Lee chapter 1 . 3/14/2007
Nice pen name... This isn't so bad for a first story. I've seen worse. The way you used cliff hangers is excellent. You should have seen my first stories. I think I was 12... They're so horrible when I compare them with what I can write now, grammatically speaking. For some reason, my humour then was even better... Well, enough about me. I want to read more! D
| blackrosemint chapter 1 . 3/14/2007
dude this is so cute :D update update update