|Reviews for 513|
| Twilight Starr chapter 2 . 11/3/2007
The couple is so lovey dovey.
| Twilight Starr chapter 1 . 11/3/2007
Good start. Whenever a different person speaks you want to create a new paragraph otherwise everything gets jumbled around and it's incredibly hard to tell who is talking.
| 1406613 chapter 2 . 5/22/2007
Nice job, you really cleaned up with this chapter. The last one was pretty confusing. Keep up the good work D
| hikaruslight chapter 2 . 4/18/2007
better, i can tell when someone else starts saying something. but the style changed from the last chapter. it's not a bad thing, but i don't think script format really works with the type of story. just my opinion, and it is only the second chapter, so it could work either way, depending on how you handle it.
| amythestpony chapter 2 . 4/18/2007
update soon! it's getting so intense! and all you have to do when doing an a/n is type up a/n at the end of your word document so it will be updated along with your story. But try putting them at the beginning or end of chapters. People who put them in the middle spoil the scene. u roc, keep on writing!
| tangledwebweweave chapter 1 . 3/15/2007
Hey! I hope you guys liked it, this is my first time doing this, sorry it is a little short, but I like where I cut it off. I enjoyed writing it. I was playing around with the names a little, so I screwed up two of them...hopefully you didn't see them! The parenthesis around "unwraps a twinkie", "leans in to try to kiss Amy", "glances at Frankie", and "Off the side, Daniel gazes lovingly at the couple, focusing on Amy…and then sighs".
I am probably going to do Chapter 2 this weekend. Peace to the world
| Gabster90 chapter 1 . 3/15/2007
Oh yay! Your story! Good one!
| amythestpony chapter 1 . 3/14/2007
Hey, I love it! THis is amina, by the way. Make it longer next time and update quickly please! luv ya
tootles w/ noodles,
| hikaruslight chapter 1 . 3/14/2007
Hey. Looks good so far but it's kinda hard to tell who's saying what. And technically you should start a new paragraph everytime someone else says something. It got kind of confusing with different people saying things one right after the other. And another thing, there's a lot of dialouge but not much saying what the characters are doing or how they're saying these things. Once again, good start and I can't wait to read the rest. Talk to you later!