Creates a visual picture! This is something that few authors manage to do. Good job!

Aw, How cool! Good work!

Moony!

Desperation, hope, glory...beautifully written. I feel the soldier's strength fromyour description. Wonderful. Please write more stories, for I am sure they will be equally brilliant.

Wonderful you really got it right. I'm a reenactor in Wyatt's battery and sometimes when we get over run I find myself resighting those very words!

Very, very short. Too short, really - and don't get me wrong, I adore oneshots. But if you want to keep this length, my advice would be to choose every single word carefully. When your narration is so brief, every word has to have an enormous impact on the reader. Select vivid verbs and adjectives that pop. Also, be careful with your tenses (you switch from past to present tense and then back again), and try not to use 'I' so often. The idea for this piece is intriguing, and with a little work it could become something great. Best of luck!