Reviews for Devastation a poem for jeremy
Moondog Dozier chapter 1 . 4/19/2007
This has an interesting mixture of individual specifics, and universal emotion. I like how you've created a scene progression that is general, and filled it with the details that make the reader relate to the participants on a deeper plain of being. This seems motion filled and constant, but you've also given the pauses necessary for the reader to establish an overall view of what all of the motion means. I also like the stage by stage aspects in this, like fragments of time thrust together to form the totality of the portrait painted. Well written, and it would be interesting to know if there is a significance to the "jeremy" not being capitalized in the title. As always, a joy to read. MD:77.
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 4/6/2007
I like the format... great job... I really love the line "love is loveless"
in theory chapter 1 . 3/26/2007
Miles of files... oh god I know that feeling! Tons and tons of work and papers and doodles and memories and letters and stupid ideas and etc, etc, etc...covering my floor! You sum my bedroom up in one line. The first few segments/stanzas (what are they calling these single-line verses nowadays?) are dramatic, for me almost melodramatic. Then again really had enough of cliche and everyone getting into ironic retro-cynicism, so probably reading too much into them. But they do the job; hit the reader hard and instantly.

The random dialogue is nice too, reminds me of your older pieces when you used to swap formats and character points of view halfway through a stanza without caring, when your poems weren't formatted and just dripped one line after another. Your new style is better, visually, but it's a nice reminder. You still play with words, obsessively perhaps (and what's wrong with that), but it comes across as accidental/unpretentious.

I like how you're seeking permission, and then contrasting it with this slight sarcasm that suggests you're secretly a see-line woman,

"wiggle wiggle

turn like a cat

wink at a man

and he wink back

now child

see-line woman

empty his pockets

and wreck his days

make him love her

and she'll fly away"

not this domestic goddess that dotes on a perfect stud while never messing her curls or smudging her mascara.

before I fell into your hands

like words - hands that spill, and pull

across a river of guitar strings,

like a plow scaring itself

in the name of growth..

wow, this really is the gravy. Those last two lines are staggering, ultimate paradox that amuses me at the same time as making me see the process of life totally differently. (i'm typing this with one hand cus I've just cut my other one on the space bar, seems weirdly coincidental. hard word for just one hand to type, too)

And his jewellery decorating you? Dirty girl, hehe. But aristocratically put, to say the least!

_

Things are being obliteratedited! (only word to describe it)..take a look over the next few months if you get chance, gonna update a few of the older ones and delete most of the crap. Decided there's only so long you can like your old stuff before wanting to chew it up and stuff, so backed up all the originals and mwuahahaha back to the drawing board. How have you been anyway? If you didn't get my pm that's because fictionpress is a fusty old woman who can't work out how to send stuff right. Sigh. *wanders off topic and back into the English coursework file* speak soon?

Ooh, and if I forgot to mention in a previous review (been so long since had time for fictionpress..) Joanna Newsom has a new album out and some of the lyrics are awe-inspiring.

jack
recycle rhymes chapter 1 . 3/24/2007
very intense...i like how the poem is kind of circular. "love is loveless" - i love that line. "mining for truth" - i think you found some of it.
Ashelin chapter 1 . 3/18/2007
More beautiful poetry. The last four "stanzas" you might call them were my favorites. You end your all your poems so well, "And I fall." Beautiful. Never stop writing.
she smolders chapter 1 . 3/18/2007
I hope you'll land on your feet. This poem was beautiful and it leaves me speechless. Take care.