|Reviews for Miha Kiha Kashi|
| Torn and Tattered chapter 2 . 3/22/2007
not bad, but i felt that this chapter was too blunt. it was just like IN YOUR FACE, and it kinda disturbed the flow of the story. again, it could use a little work before perfection... well nvm, that's never attained, but you can get close XD
| Torn and Tattered chapter 1 . 3/22/2007
Heya, long time since i've talked to you... i never got to reading this so i figured MIGHT AS WELL X_X... and just a comment on the nicknames on the top. Haruka and Hanuka have the same nickname. And also i highly advise that you make the names a bit more different. They are to easy to confuse.
A strong comment is in the part just after "Ch. 1 - The Birth Of A War" is that your present past tense changes even within the same sentence a lot. It becomes annoying but with just a few changes it could be just fine. And adding some detail wouldn't hurt anything.
An example "Shiji had red hair and his left eye is blind from fighting. He had scars everywhere, just like someone who fought a lot would."
i would try to introdouce your characters through actions instead of just actual like... BLAH.
"Shiji, the cloth emblem of his family splashed with dark blood, let out a dark cry as he jerked his sword from an enemy fallen soldier. Only one eye focused on the battle ground, for the other eye had been blinded in a fight. His red hair was darker than it seemed, tainted with dark blood. Through the crimson sheet, a observer almost couldn't see the white scars that were etched into his skin."
yeah, like that... well in your own style, but that's what i mean. And as for the rest, it seems a little blunt, though the plot is fine. keep working on it and it could be a great story .