|Reviews for Breathe It In|
| bookwormish chapter 1 . 10/1/2007
Nice, you can really feel the music, the rhythm pound in your chest. If you feel that you need something raw, try elaborating on the rage and bite. ("sound pounding in your chest"?) Or perhaps you could alter the line containing "keeps me" to something like "Keep me from/ Slipping into a monotone!" or "keep me from/ falling into monotone!" Which would add an emphatic feel to it. I, however like the poem as is, but as a rule if you feel something is missing then for you something is. Tweak it 'til it sings to you, heh. Yeah, I got nuthin' else.
| Sexy Vampirechick chapter 1 . 4/16/2007
Very music-like.I can hear your voice through am I hearing things?Nah..just 's great!
Maybe the line "Just let it suck you in." right after "Rage and bite,music pumping through your bones." would give it more of a little something.
Anyhow...just a suggestion.