|Reviews for It's Summertime|
| Midnight In Eden chapter 1 . 3/22/2007
I really like a lot of this. Which is why what doesn't work is so glaring. First off a technical point. In your first and third stanza you list a number of images separated by commas, then put a comma before your "and"s which is incorrect. It's either one or the other there not both. The "and" at the beginning of the third stanza also feels a little jarring as well. The first line of the second stanza is just an utter mouthful, far too many confusing words, make it more linear as right now it just doesn't work.
Otherwise, this is a simplistic but effective piece. You convey a solid image and give your reader a good flow to follow.