|Reviews for With Sad Eyes|
| lollipops.talk.to.me chapter 1 . 11/12/2007
I thought it was a well written piece- however morbid its content is. I have to say though, it's a rather large cliche, it seems on this site anyway. Its meaning and its (should I use the word) plot becoming rather redundant.
You seem to word each thing perfectly although I had one thing that irked me:
"And so I throw grains of truth in front of you..."
I think ONE word in this line rather... peeved me, shall I say. I think that GRAINS would be a rather small unit as to what you're saying. Although it would be difficult to find a better way to word it, writing's about a challenge, am I wrong?
But other than that line, I really -should I say- enjoyed the poem. It was meaningful and well thought out. Reply back if you find fit. I'm new to this site so my pieces really aren't as brilliant as yours. (They could definitely use some help. That is... when I get RECENT pieces up. The ones up now are rather old pieces of mine.)
Your fellow writer,
| DarkBlysse chapter 1 . 5/2/2007
I liked how you started it off with the couplets. They reminded me of "One for me, Two for you" when kids count out candies and such. It was a great introduction for the poem, leading us slowly into your vision of self-descruction.
"The smell of fermenting soul and garbage-can lies"-I love that line. I've never seen anyone talk about a soul like that. I've heard of them dying, fading, breaking, shattering, and a million other things-but never fermenting. It made me think of their soul just sitting there, stewing away until one day it breaks out, turned into something hideously evil from fermenting in itself. Bravo!
Great work! This is definitely going on my 'favs' list! _
| Strike Me Dead chapter 1 . 4/9/2007
This piece hits me particularly hard.
I have to say I find it extremely depressing, even more so than the rest of your work that I have read, in which I found fragments of hope.
Your honesty about the world, and people, and the observations you make about human nature, shine clearly through in everything that I have read, and I appreciate that. Honesty is hard to come by, even when people think they're being honest.
This piece has absolutely amazing imagery and it really helps to convey the tone and mood you wanted to set. I like how you have actually confronted an issue such as this...your own feelings about it, and also as a message to these people. You took something horrific, I think, and made it beautiful and human, without sounding sympathetic, but reprimanding, and that speaks to me.
I can't think of any way in which this poem could be better. I know it could, because each and every piece any of us writes is always a work in progress, even if we consider it complete, but I think that right now I'm still too stunned by it to think of anything in which I could give you constructive criticism upon.
Keep writing...you're amazing...and again, God bless.
| smile for the sunshine chapter 1 . 4/4/2007
Wow; sad. Good but sad. Really sad. Such a shame. I have a poem about a cutter on my site too called, "A Lonely Soul". *sigh* It's a shame the amount that turn to that. And hate themselves. Mirrors always lie. You've got to hate them when you've seen how much trouble they cause in lives. If only people coudl ignore the mirror and the devil's lies...I wonder what would come of the world then. Just a thought. Good work on this poem. Keep it up!
| ginnyellen chapter 1 . 3/23/2007
mmhh... interesting, very interesting.
I have the same question... why a screwdriver?
There were two lines that dragged me into a kind of tornado of thoughts...
One more lie, two more tears.
For every lie we add, it's hurting power (tears) is doubled... and lies tend to feed themselves, growing and growing until we can't stop them... they sometimes grow until they consume us whole and rottens our insides...
ok... my head's a little messy right now. Sorry.
Again... I'm a fan.
| Liebchen Rose chapter 1 . 3/23/2007
Very heartfelt and honest. Only question is, why a screwdriver? That didn't make sense to me. Other than that, very well done darling.
| I Found Myself At 24 chapter 1 . 3/23/2007
Common topic, but you dealt with it well. I think the most vivid image was "A dark, glistening, damp place ... and garbage-can lies" especially the phrase "garbage-can lies". It really stood out as garbage cans fit perfectly well in alleyways, but when considering your subject matter, it means so much more. Stuff people throw away, especially in order to hide it, can really reveal a lot about them. There was another poem on here that I read that dealt with that. If I can find the link, I'll send it to you.