Reviews for Hidden Passion
BananaPhone chapter 4 . 7/30/2007
*gasp* Wow
StarFariey chapter 4 . 7/26/2007
Well, you really rushed it. You could have dragged the scene out alot longer, and you should have. You probably could have made this into two chapters too. The idea of it is good and the basic stuff that happens is good, but there needs to be more detail.
ihrtbks chapter 4 . 7/22/2007
I'm going to assume this is the night you talk about in the summary. Tommy's despicable; but the face you put for him in your profile pictures is so puppy dog, it's hard to imagine they're the same person. I can't wait to see Matt's reaction! Are you gonna update "Back to Our Past" anytime soon?

Wishes Desires chapter 3 . 6/25/2007
I really like ur story and all but i really think it's a bit fast-paced. I mean they've practically only known each other for a week? And they're already in love with each other? I think the story is excellent and the way you write it, straight to the point is good but can you maybe add a little bit more stuff? Like more on Matt's life, their friends and so on? Anyways hope i'm not being too critical, if it's only me ignore this review. Update soon...
KittenAround chapter 3 . 6/20/2007
OMG! This chapter rocks! Keep going PLEASE!
ihrtbks chapter 3 . 6/20/2007
I like it. I love 'love at first sight' stories! I LOVE your style. Only thing you might want to work on is how you break-up your paragraphs; long paragraphs tend to give the impression of unimportant and sometimes dialogue works better if you leave it in its paragraph and stick the narration after it, both of these are just suggestions, though.

Alice Heist chapter 3 . 6/20/2007
haha, you keep asking, so here's another review.

that last part was hot! wow, steamy.

the only thing I didn't like was how easily the tension slid away. but, all is well, as you can add tension later. right? right.

if the story isn't supposed to end yet, which i assume it isn't because it isn't "COMPLETED", just stick some tension in the next chapter. rumors at school, parents coming home to find them having sex on the couch, whatever.

i think that a good resolution would be them doing it in the art room. it's just so ironic...

anyways, great job, i look forward to the next chapter.
BananaPhone chapter 3 . 6/20/2007
oh my this is so good, it's very well written and pretty.
Alice Heist chapter 1 . 6/20/2007
I must comment! I want more! haha, great first chapter. I'm loving the chemistry between Raleigh and Matt, and the tension caused by Tommy. Great tool.

You follow what my various writing teachers have all said: what does the lead character want most? what does she fear most? dangle her desires in front of her, stick her fears in the middle and BAM! you've got tension.

though i'm not sure raleigh is afraid of tommy, but it gets the point across. great job, i love it so far.
dazedandconfused10 chapter 2 . 5/27/2007
are you going to continue your story? it's really good and i think that you should continue your stories even if other people don't respond or you think that they don't like them. Who cares what others think. If you like your story or aren't sure then then ask someone but that's one person's opinion finish what you write. It's a gift.


KittenAround chapter 2 . 4/4/2007
It's awesome...i'm addicted! MORE PLZ! (Srry if I sound desperate but I need something to do after track...)
StarFariey chapter 2 . 3/31/2007
Haha... thats great. You need to update sooner. Its really good
Wishes Desires chapter 1 . 3/29/2007
God, how can you not right anymore? I'm pratically dying here, i really need to know the rest, i need to know what is going to happen to them? Please write more,please please! And write a lot as son as u can! ThankYOU
dazedandconfused10 chapter 1 . 3/28/2007
wow i loved it
StarFariey chapter 1 . 3/25/2007
Well... first off I'll say that Its a good story with lots of detail. I don't really know where youre going with this but... Its pretty good. Secondly I have to say that it needs to be eddited. There's one place that has an "a" instead of an "an" where it needs to. You mix up Her, Him, He, and His alot. And you need to break up the paraghaphs a bit more. There are a few places that there is only 1 paragraph when it should be divided into 2. But over all, it's a really good story and I hope that this didnt discourage you from keeping on writing. And, sometimes even if nobody reviews your work, you need to keep writing and going at it. It will pay off eventualy.
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